THE JOURNEY TO ADULTHOOD AND CAREER
If you are above 25 years (just to be realistic), and you are still living with your parents, eating from your mother's pot prepared with your parents' hard earned naira, enjoying all that your home can offer, without contributing to the provision of shelter, food and all that you enjoy, and you are comfortable with that, it doesn't bother you, and you don't have a feasible plan of how the next six month would be any different: I have an assignment for you. Raise your right hand unto the Lord, raise it high enough and give yourself a loud and heavy knock. You need to be knocked back to reality. Your brain needs a reactivating vibration. You need to think. But first of all, you need feel sorry for yourself.
Now before you start nodding your head with that 'tell them" smirk on your face, let me clear your doubts by explaining what i meant when i talked about contributing to your comfort. I meant paying house rent, bringing money for meals, fuelling the generator for electrical services, furnishing and refurbishing, right from the cushions to paints to beds to the floor covers. Those are real bills. So if you ain't contributing to any of these and you are okay with that, whatever else you are doing or contributing to doesn't matter, so just knock yourself let's move on. Or you simply move out and get your own place, your own life. It doesn't matter if you are female or male.
However, for the third group of people who are entangled in the above painted scenario but are not comfortable with it, this is for you. Not being happy or comfortable in a situation like the above mentioned, has never solved any problem, the way forward is where the solution lies. The question should be 'how do I become better than before, how do I change the picture?'
Today we are going to look at the third way of working ourselves into the future we dream of. After 'Growing up' and 'learning how to save', we must then begin to take responsibility.
3)Start taking responsibility: I want to begin by saying that no one owes you a thing, when it comes to taking care of your life, it is solely your business. The first person that is your sole obligation in life, is you. The big question then is 'can you take care of you?'. Can you feed and fend for yourself for even a month, cater for your clothing, your hair do, your traveling expenses, your airtime recharges, data subscription, health bills, electricity bills, sanitation bills, social needs, gadgets, general maintenance, house rent, can you take care of you without receiving help from Mum, Dad, relatives, boyfriends, girlfriends, sugar daddy and mummy etc? Can you really be responsible for you? Are you viable and self sustainable? I know the answer for 99% of the youth, you shouldn't be proud of it. So what is anyone's business if your are using 'iphone10' if you don't worth that much financially? Sometimes I wonder how some young men go about promising to love and cater for a girl when in actuality they cant even take care of theirselves..(#kikikihahaha..campus couples take note).
If we really want to get off our butts and work our dreams to reality, we must begin by accepting realities, and they are the everyday responsibilities right in front of us. There are very simple ways, via which i know we can do this:
1)By being responsible for ourselves: Start fending for your self. For your feeding, shelter, clothing, travel expenses, health bills, etc. If you are living with your parents because you are just beginning, don't relax, have the ability to pay for these things even in their house. Give them money for the grocery shopping, pay the house rent, foot the bills, and never you think you are doing them a favour even if they think so, the truth is they are the one doing you a favour otherwise you should have been living in your own apartment, catering to yourself in all areas. That is what adults like you in other climes do!
PS: Getting a boyfriend or sugar mummy to take care of your needs isn't a way of being responsible for yourself. It is an issue of power changing hands. You take your power over yourself and hand it to another. Always know that you are in charge of you and should be able to cater for yourself at all times, let people help you because they want to, or because you are their responsibility (like in the case of husband and wives) not because you cant help yourself and would always have to depend on people.
2)Stop making excuses and blames: This is one of the major problems of the youth of this age, we always have excuses. Stop apportioning blames to this or that or him or her. You would only start making really progress the day you screw excuses and put the blames on you or no one at all. The day you will do away with " it is because my family is poor, my relatives are wicked, the country is corrupt, the system is biased...blah blah blah" , that is the day you will see the light. The situation may be as twisted as you claim but it should not determine your destination, you are solely in charge of that. It is not your village witches and wizards as your 'red and white candle' theatric pastors want you to believe in order to sell their anointing and cleansing oil to the gullible you. Those guys are doing their businesses using you to cater for themselves, you should go home and get yourself something doing. You are your own captive. Break the chains, and be free of blames and excuses.
3)Live above your circumstances and change your story: yeah, the truth is ,some people were born lucky, others attract this luck to themselves. Our circumstances vary and it would be unfair to measure everyone with the same parameters but the good news is that there is no competition in this race. None whatsoever, all determined hearts get the same result, Success! The difference is, some come earlier, others come later. But once you are determined, success is sure.
Some people's cases are worse than that of others, but you must learn not to be a victim of your circumstances!
Unfortunately, in today's world, people take pleasure in playing victims and buying sympathy, but who has that helped to become better? Nobody. Because in order to continue receiving the pity, you have to remain miserable. The best way out is to change your story. I hear stories of famous people who had horrible, terrible and miserable childhood but today, their children are born lucky with a pleasant childhood in view. Your story can end that way if you like, there is no situation that can be worse than not forging ahead. Don't waste your lifetime on your very touchy story, make your life a testimony that inspire other to have hope. Be your own Hero, step out of your circumstances and work your way to the top.
4)Beware of Your Parents: some of our parents have over-parenting syndrome. They don't mind breastfeeding you until their death. They give you all the luxury and won't let you sweat it out yourself. Beware of this pernicious destiny killers. They are your parents and i know you love them. The Bible binds you and I to honour and respect them all the day of our lives but same Bible had said that you are accountable for your life and will be judged thus. As a 21st century adult, there are certain moves and decisions of yours that your 20th century parents can't understand and may not support.
Listen to their advice, consider it carefully, seek counsel from other wise adults in tune with time, compare it with realities at hand. If you still find your decision to be the best route to your destination, gently bring your parents to that understanding but never yield your neck to the chain of their bondage. What they want for you, is to be the best and you are the only one who has the power to do that, use it. You are responsible for you!
Note: there are times you may need to try more than once. Never give up. Never stop trying. Make the very best of what you can and leave the rest of what you can't for God. Go and be the best version of you!