BEASTLY TALES

OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

Old Jim lived alone, his family had gone.
He could have done with some help, all said and done.
The younger ones to start their own lives elsewhere,
The older had gone to where there’s no care.
He lived on a fixed income, not very big,
He was most frugal, his garden he’d dig,
To make his pension, further go,
Apart from this, he’d just go with the flow.

Some things particularly did daunt him.
Visiting doctors, dentists, he found very grim.
Health Care professionals, or so they are called.
And barbers, yes, barbers particularly galled!
He valiantly endeavoured to cut his own hair,
Messily, that is, it was just everywhere.
In the mirror, where left was right, and right was left,
Enough to make one’s faculties bereft!
And, as for the back, no prospect of success.
Just a muddle, yes, indeed, a big mess!

Old Jim did think to himself,
“If I had more dexterity, muscular health,”
“A much better job, indeed, I could do.”
“But since I have not, this job I’ll eschew.”
“Wouldn’t it be good, if one could unscrew one’s head”
“To better cut one’s own hair on a table, or even in bed!”
“And while we are about it, one’s feet to temporarily remove,”
“To better access toenails for clipping, real smooth.”
“Job’s done! Screw them right back,”
No barber, the chiropodist we’d sack!”

Clearly, such options are just not realistic.
Unless one is mentally unbalanced, sadistic.
So options are limited, shave one’s head,
Become Elmer Fudd (although HE could be dead).
Or become a devotee of the local Barber Shop.
“Short back and sides, a little off the top!”