BEASTLY TALES

THE FIRING SQUAD

There they go again, out in the quad.
That most unpleasant firing squad.
The victim has been tied to a stake,
The presiding officer asks, “Any last requests to make?”
The condemned said, “Could I have a last smoke?”
Said the presiding officer, “Is that a joke?”
“Don’t you realize how bad smoking is for you?”
“It can badly damage your health you rue.”
“Not only that, secondary smoke affects the health,”
“Of those standing near, yes, by stealth.”

El Presidente said, “We must keep it from the public,”
“The fact that we seem to be a Banana Republic.”
“But we won’t waste money on nutrition,”
“When we need so much ammunition.”
“For first offenders we could use rubber bullets,”
“Keep normal ammunition for aggravating dullwits”
The victim said, “I don’t want to scold,”
“But protocol dictates the offer of a blind fold”
“Since you haven’t offered, I could make a case,”
“In the Human Rights Court, on how, me, you do debase.”
The presiding officer, with style and panache
Calls out the order in a quick flash.
What was that? I hear you enquire.
The standard offering of, “Ready, Aim, Fire!”

Now El Presidente, in a coup, was overthrown.
It didn’t take much to work out where he was going.
He was about to taste, the fat lout,
What he had so vigorously dished out!
When the presiding officer enquired as to last request,
“I am El Presidente, and this is my behest.”
“I only smoke Cuban El Grande Cigars,”
“And I must smoke it in peace, so the flavour never mars”
The officer in charge exclaimed, “It will take more than an hour to smoke”
“You are being vexatious, it’s more than a joke!”