BEASTLY TALES

THE LUMPF CHRONICLES (13)

To the Dentist Herr Lumpf had to go
Frau Lumpf looked him over, head to toe.
“You look alright, but underneath,”
“I suppose you must haf a problem vith your teeth?”

Herr Lumpf grunted, and wind he did pass.
“Vot you thinkink, I sit on my ass?”
“I made an appointment, a qvarter to two.”
“It is important to me zat I can chew!”
“Metvurst needs a good set of choppers”
“Mein teeth must slice vurst like garden loppers!”

The dental nurse said, “Guten Morgan, Herr Lumpf.”
“Vith your teeth you are haffink much bumpf?”
“Go right in to ze surgery chair,”
“Ze dentist vill be vith you ven you need care.”
“Guten Tag, Herr Lumpf,” shouted Doktor Konrad,
“Now, tell me vich of your teeth is bad?”
“Ve’ll soon yank the rotter right out!”
“In zis surgery ve don’t mess about.”

Herr Lumpf hesitantly asked for Novocain,
Doktor Konrad sniffed with disdain.
“Ve don’t bother vif such an art!”
“Ve is a race above und apart,”
“I vill qvickly yank it right out,”
“You vill feel only a twinge, so please do not shout!”
And so it was, Herr Lumpf’s eyes did water,
That dentist was brutal, gave no quarter,
“Auf Wiedershen,” he called as he left.
Herr Lumpf grunted, he was tooth and many Euros bereft!