BEASTLY TALES

THE LUMPF CHRONICLES (21)

Herr Lumpf’s Mutti and Vater were most fecund,
Fifteen kinder they had, all of them rotund.
“Ve like to feed zem up, to make zem strong,”
“Vith so much sauerkraut zey all do pong!”
“Not only vith za sauerkraut but vith vurst too.”
“Sauerkraut und vurst, vot a ‘to do!’”

Herr Lumpf had been one of those fifteen,
To keep track of them Herr Lumpf’s vater had an abacus with bean.
Yes, fifteen beans to move south and north.
A sure way of counting, so on and so forth.
Frau Lumpf was jealous of this fact,
It dictated just how she would act.

“Herr Lumpf, is it not time to haff kinder?”
“Soon I will be old und dried up like a cinder.”
“Ve still haff time for a dozen, or so.”
“You must tell me, really I must know.”
Herr Lumpf then grunted and farted.
“Ve haff a lonk vay ‘til ve become dear departed.”
“Ve vill haff kinder ven I get another job.”
“Right now I am an unemployed slob!”

Frau Lumpf shed a tear, or two,
She knew Herr Lumpf objected to kinder, even a few.
“Vy don’t you go und make a sachertorte?”
“You ought to keep busy, really you ought!”
“Cooking vill keep your mind in tact.”
“Und eating is my preferred passtime to act!”