Choosing the right one: COM29 FIRST ENTRY

It is currently in the pipes to be confirmed but the data gathered so far points at an alarming trend in the society. The term “side bitch, side hoe or side piece”(depending on your location) sprang up sometime in the mid70s when men needed effective ways to communicate with each other about the other woman. Up in bars, clubs and whore houses, these conversations came up and lingered longer than expected. Back then, it was found that these side attractions offered something their wives/girlfriends/sex slaves couldn’t offer so their only option was to go out and get it. Humans have always craved satisfaction, whether it be sexual, emotional or just someone to smoke with, the average human will strive to get it and in these side pieces men derived comfort.

In the modern day era, the term side hoe or any of its derivatives are used loosely to describe what we refer to as the “Assistant girlfriend”. This individual often occupies the second place in a man’s emotional(Penis) hierarchy but often offers services that the “main chick” doesn’t offer.
Side hoes today have been known to be better cooks, better home managers, better at “shutting the fuck up” and better ball suckers. These are critical elements that virtually every man craves for but man’s natural tendency to be misled or over indulgence in the “Main hoe” often leads to her acting out in a main chick way.

Main chick vs Side Chick Comparison

In many cultures, the concept of side-hoeism is somewhat frowned upon as there’s a prevalent misconception that an ideal man is suppose to latch on to one manipulative pussy and cling his balls to her fangs for the rest of his life as she literally sucks the life out of him(no innuendo intended); this may be true but ever wondered why your main chick doesn’t act like your side piece? The answer? Fuck if I know, all my hoes are side hoes.
Hoe statisticians have uncovered that the number of side pieces in the society effectively dropped between 2010 to present date and that in this year alone, about 65% of the World’s side piece reserves have been converted to main chicks with a process called “marriage”. The numbers claim that your converted side piece will infact exhibit Side hoe qualities during the first five years of marriage but due to a glitch in marriage termed “over Indulgence” the side piece turns into a “Main chick”(refer to the table above).
A “fuck boy” is the term attributed to an individual who has mastered the art of hoeism and has the mental capacity to keep a catalogue of women in the “side hoe” category. Fuck boys have been known to be among the happiest men on Earth. They are characterized by their confident smile due to not having to put up with a nagging main chick, their debonair attires and are mostly found in clubs and bars; the side-hoe niche. Other synonym for “fuck boy” is Pimp, Olosho(Yoruba) and Ozave(a slang used in Bayelsa state of Nigeria). It is not a permanent status as a lot of fuck boys are converted by the over indulgence that comes with “main-hoeism”.
Various Fuck Boy Scenarios.

1. Fuckboy meets side hoe, fuck boy fucks with side hoe, side hoe gets pregnant. Side hoe becomes Main chick, fuck boy becomes “fucked boy’.
2. Fuck boy meets side hoe, fuck boy fucks with side hoe, side hoe doesn’t catch feelings. Fuck boy stays a fuck boy.
3. Fuck boy meets side hoe, fuck boy falls in love, fuck boy becomes over indulgent, fuck boy becomes “fucked” boy.
   Scenario 1 and 3 are the most common occurrences in the wild, so if you find yourself already fucked, your options are simple, you can either get yourself a quality side hoe to mitigate the effects of your main chick or simply stay with her and hope she dies divorces you.
   This post is an entry for week 29 of comedyopenmic contest and I should not be held responsible for any man who decides to return to his fuckboy ways after reading this. I would also like to nominate @traf and the beer man @detlev to make entries for this week’s contest.