Parents and fatalism - you have to take things as they come

In the life with children regularly happens unexpected. Finely crafted plans suddenly change or literally fall into the water. How should parents handle such situations? One thing is clear: anger towards the child is not a solution and not fair either.

We had looked forward to the two and a half days as a couple, like two teenage girls on the first weekend without their parents. A few days just for us - without children - for the first time in almost 5 years. We had everything planned: two nights in a hotel that was only a 90 minute drive away (in any case), the grandparents would come to visit to take care of the kids, we would go during the week, so the kids would during the day in kindergarten or crèche. On top of that, our childcare was ready to support. On the day of departure, we would finish the children up in the morning and bring them to the facilities, so that de facto we would not be there for two evenings and nights and twice at breakfast. We spent two and a half days off in which we cross-country skiing and then go to the sauna, eat well and sleep undisturbed at night. Time for us - and only for us, in which we might once again come closer. Seductive thoughts.

Then the call came from the kindergarten:

"Your daughter has a fever of 39 degrees and has to be picked up."

With these words, our beautiful dream of a few days as a couple burst like a soap bubble.

In the short term, the plans have to change - parents know that
Surely most parents can tell similar stories of plans that vanish because of something unforeseen. More often than you think, things are different than planned.

In the life with children it happens again and again that...

• a child becomes ill at the most inopportune time
• through a phase in which it depends very much on his parents and therefore Dad and Mom need more than usual
• the child could not sleep at night
• A child absolutely does not want to, although for good reason has accepted
• a child falls asleep unexpectedly, upsetting the plans for the day
• the child breaks something that is either dear and expensive or you just need
  or the weather will throw the neatly prepared plans over the pile.

All this can be very frustrating, but parents will eventually pass - there you can plan as well as you want. Usually, as a parent, you learn to handle it over time. It comes as it comes. You should never be too sure of anything as long as anything else could interfere with it. A kind of fatalism that parents develop - inevitably so as not to be frustrated too often.

What can you do in case of crisis - and how can you prevent it?

First, something that does not help: be angry at the child. That's human, but not productive, and almost always not fair. Young children are not yet calculating enough that they purposely spoil their parents' day. Even though they cling, they have a need for closeness to the parent that should be respected.

What helps is a certain dose of serenity, with which one should re-evaluate the situation: what is the next step, what else can you do? In our example above, our daughter's fever went away overnight and we were able to drive with some delay. In that case, we were very lucky.

In general, it helps in case of unexpected surprises with children

• to stay cool, to keep calm and to re-evaluate the situation
• not to stare that you MUST do something
• possibly an alternative at hand - a plan B in case of cases
• to say that there are worse things to give up the plans. This is just part of life with children.

From time to time, however, it may prove right to go ahead with the plans despite everything. An example: my wife and I wanted to celebrate my birthday for two, but our grandmother clung terribly when we wanted to leave. So much so that we ended up going to a pizzeria instead of a nice restaurant with the kids and child care. There, our big daughter fell asleep at the table before dinner. She was just tired - and our romantic date in the bucket.

After all, the pizza was good.

Due to recurring illnesses in small children, the conclusion of a travel cancellation insurance is usually a good idea. So at least you will not be left at the cost if the travel plans are forced to change.