The holiday I needed was in my mind

The day before a holiday is usually crazy for me. I am the sort of person that likes to have my entire to-do list ticked off, all work up to date (and even ahead of schedule), the house spotless, new sheets on the beds and my car packed with efficiency and order.

I plan the whole departure process like a perfectly oiled machine but it never happens.

 Not even close. It is chaotic, I stay up late the night before trying to jam a weeks work into the wee hours. I pack first thing in the morning with ridiculously excited toddlers chasing my heels. I am tired, brain fogged and cranky by the time I hit the highway. I then spend the next few hours as a passenger re-scheduling my to-do list on my phone and trying to respond to a few more emails before promising to 'switch off.' 

For a recent mid-winter getaway I wanted things to be different. 

This was a birthday holiday that I was going to share with my childhood girlfriend (we are birthday twins). We have not shared a birthday together for 20 years.  As I started my usual list writing, determined for once to nail the perfect departure, I realised that this was not going to happen. Not because I am not capable of achieving this perfection but because that perfection is not the solution. 

I realised that the holiday I needed was in my mind. 

A change in my thinking, my expectations and definitions of success. I get to choose. A few months ago I was lamenting about the loss of the endless summers of my childhood. Weeks, months and years seemed so long back then. So much happened but time felt grounded. 

These days I feel like I get caught up in endless pursuits, a drive to achieve. Like I am always working towards some final goal that once achieved will solve all problems. I decided that I wanted the rest of my thirties to be long like my childhood. Filled with savoured moments that are enjoyed and not frittered away in the busyness of life.

Perfection drains time.

There is always going to be work and chores to do. As a creative business owner, work is intertwined with life. Ideas, inspiration, projects, tasks and improvements never end. It is an ocean. Sometimes I float with the flow and energy, other times I steer with the wind and every so often I throw out an anchor.

So there I am leaving for a holiday with a work backlog, emails in my inbox, messy house, weeds in the garden, laundry in the basket and a car filled to the roof  but I was happy. This stuff can wait. It never ends anyway. 

The holiday was meant to be for 4 nights but we ended up spontaneously extending it to 9 nights. I put down my phone, shut my laptop and savoured every minute. 

 

I returned home to a desk full of grossly overdue jobs and a house to run but the truth is, even if I had done all of this before leaving, it would have only taken a day or two for it all to be back.

Until next time, 

xx Isabella