Human Sexuality - A Psychological Perspective

Hello my Steemians! As I have mentioned many times in my blogs, I am often inspired to write about topics that come to mind during a run. I actually thought of several blog topics during yesterday's run - human sexuality and psychology being one of them.

You may be thinking, "Well, her head must have been in the gutter during that run!". This isn't written from that perspective actually. However, if you are a sensitive or very conservative person you may not enjoy this blog. There is nothing "raunchy" or offensive that I will be writing about. Just a fair warning though.

This blog comes from the point of view of a heterosexual woman, though many of my points could, in my opinion, apply to all orientations. I will break this up into three key areas that will delve into sexual psychology.

1. It's All in Your Head

When it comes to sex & attraction, many people get very caught up in the feelings of inadequacy. This goes for both males & females.
Example - guy interacting with a girl he is interested in, who also likes him. One thing leads to another and they end up making it to the bedroom. Suddenly, nothing is working, if you know what I mean. This causes frustration for both parties. Sometimes it's because the guy subconsciously thinks the girl is out of his league. Well, I have news for you! No woman would go to the bedroom with you if they actually thought that. Most women are going to be pretty upfront about that. You aren't going to get a "sympathy lay." If the bedroom wasnt an option, you would not in the bedroom!

The female may misinterpret the issue of things not working in a variety of ways - she may think it is something with her, she may actually think you have a problem, or she may actually "get it" & understand you're nervous or whatever. Either way this situation is not good for either party from a psychological & emotional perspective.

Body language factors heavily into the "it is all in your head " issue.
Example: There's a mutual attraction between two individuals. One seems to constantly spurn the other. Why? Not purposely but because they may think, "this person is out of my league " or, they may be painfully shy. The vibes put off at that point may send the "I'm not interested" signal to the opposite party.

In conclusion, don't be afraid to be real. Remember, genuine people don't just float along side you. They are there because they want to be. Don't let your insecurities "cock block" you from a relationship or even just some casual fun.

2. Just Give

This one applies exclusively to relationships. Many times, especially in relationships past the proverbial "honeymoon phase", people become less giving towards their partner. In this case case giving meaning, less affectionate and intimate. Sex may have even become a chore!

If your relationship feels this way, it is paramount to fix it, or you may lose it. Affection and physical intimacy is very important. Maybe this starts after a fight, then slowly over time the affection becomes less and less and less. This lack of affection & intimacy will usually, but not always, bother one partner more than the other. Everyone is different. The individual need for physical intimacy varies. There are also a malady of health conditions that can cause someone to not feel like being intimate.

This leads to my point. Just GIVE to your partner. Could save your relationship or prevent permanent damage. Some affection could be just what is needed. Could even be a hug, a back rub, a foot massage.... I once read a somewhat crass article talking about this very issue - this was years ago, so I can't reference it but one thing stuck out in particular (no pun intended) - the woman writing said article states "just give him a blow job!"

I agree with the line of thinking. Surprise your spouse or significant other, expecting nothing in return. The showings of affection and intimacy can be just what the person needs to know that you still deeply care for them. It can help satisfy deep primal needs for intimacy, affection, & physical touch.

3. Being a "ten" isn't Everything

I guess you can see who my "ten", I mean 11/10 is. blushes Yes, Mark Wahlberg is arguably the hottest dude alive. However I must say that while physical attraction plays a huge role in the health of an intimate relationship, being a 7,8,9 or 10 is.not.everything!! Honestly, some of the most physically attractive people I have been with weren't the "best." And, I am not just talking strictly about the bedroom either.

If the psychological piece is missing, then you can forget it. There's more to sex and intimacy than the pure act itself. To get say the "most" out of it, psychological & emotional connections are so important. I am not talking lust here. Honestly, Mr Wahlburg could be a complete asshole. That would turn me off.

In other words, it is important to realize, nice guys don't always finish last. You could be a "six" but a 10/10 in the eyes of your significant other for other reasons that target areas of emotional satisfaction.

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To conclude - there are three psychological things to keep in mind for optimal sexual, physical, emotional, & intimate health in a relationship:

• Don't let your insecurities ruin things. In other words, those insecurities are probably just all in your head
• Be a giving partner. Remember the importance of being physically affectionate without necessarily expecting anything in return.
• You don't need to be a "ten" to have a good relationship. You could be a "5/10" but a ten to your partner because you meet all their needs!

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Please feel free to discuss this more in the comments. These are just some of my thoughts as a nearly 30 y/o woman who's been in a few relationships. Would love to hear yours also.

written material is my own original collection of thoughts, unless otherwise specified.

Images 1,2,3,4: Google Images