It's time for another Friday night in THE PLAYHOUSE!

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Hosted by @CarrieAllen and Me, The Playhouse is the only sketch comedy show on Steem!

Each week, we do original comedy material and invite members of the audience to join in the performances! Trust me, it's fun.

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Join us tonight from 6-8 EST, through @CarrieAllen's page.

If you want to play along, get up in the SteemStar Discord Server where we can plug you in! We've got four new scripts this week, including a new Cat Ladies and a brand new Steem Monsters Tavern!

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The Receptionist

by Chris Roberts
CHARACTERS

NARRATOR - Beginning and Ending only.
RECEPTIONIST - Her first day of work, has a curious disorder.
RICK - The boss.

NARRATOR
In a bustling, fluorescent lit office building, a young woman is excited on her first day of work as receptionist. She finds the chair comfortable, the computer adequate for social networking, and she gets a great view of the handsome young man in accounting. Seems like it could be a good fit.

SOUND FX - PHONE

RECEPTIONIST
Thank you for calling Finkle, Durnam, and Sloop. This is Brenda. How may I assist you today?
Please hold while I transfer you.

SOUND FX - PHONE

RECEPTIONIST
Finkle, Durnam and Sloop! This is Cheyenne! How may I direct your call? Please hold while I make the connection.

RICK
Hey, how are you settling in?

RECEPTIONIST
Can’t complain, boss! Where do I find new post-it notes?

RICK
Supply drawer next to the copier. Any other questions?

RECEPTIONIST
I think I’ve got the direct transfers down.

RICK
Good. We get a high volume of calls all week.

SOUND FX - PHONE

RECEPTIONIST
This is Debbie with Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. How may I assist you? Please hold.

RICK
I thought your name was Carol.

RECEPTIONIST
It is. Good memory.

SOUND FX - PHONE

RECEPTIONIST
Thank you for calling Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. This is Martha speaking. How can I help you? Please hold while I transfer your call.

RICK
I get it! A little first-day humor! Well played, Carol. I’ll leave you to it.

[EXIT RICK]

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONIST
You’ve reached the office of Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. Regina speaking, how may I help you? No problem, please hold!

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONIST
You’ve got Finkle, Durnam and Sloop! Georgia speaking, how can I help you Sugar? Absolutely, one moment please.

[ENTER RICK]

RICK
Hey Carol. You’re doing great. I couldn’t help but overhearing…

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONIST
Hello, you’ve reached Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. This is Abigail, how may I direct your call?
Please hold.

RICK
Okay, what’s going on here?

RECEPTIONIST
I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, sir.

RICK
C’mon. You agreed that your name is Carol, right?

RECEPTIONIST
Yep! Since birth! I was named after my grandma.

RICK
That’s nice. Glad we cleared that up.

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONIST
Thank you for calling Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. This is Jessica, how may I assist you? Please hold.

RICK
Ah-ha!

RECEPTIONIST
Mr Finkle, you startled me!

RICK
I was hiding behind the plant, and I know for sure that you told that last caller your name was Jessica. You’ve told me repeatedly that your name is Carol.

RECEPTIONIST
Mr Finkle… Do we really need to resort to hiding behind plants? Can’t we just be honest with our employees?

RICK
I… uh… well.... Your name…

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONIST
Excuse me sir. Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. This is Prudence. What can I help you with today? Please hold while I transfer you.

RICK
There! It was Prudence that time.

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONIST
Good morning, thanks for calling Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. My name is Carmella. How can I be of service? Please hold.

RICK
Alright… lady. You’ve got to tell me what’s going on. We’ve got a lot of elderly clients. They’re probably confused already.

RECEPTIONIST
Mr Finkle, if you’ll just consult addendum six to my employment applications, all your questions will be answered.

RICK
Can’t you just explain it to me.

RECEPTIONIST
As you’ll see in the addendum, I’m not obligated to answer any questions relating to my disorder.

RICK
Your disorder?

RECEPTIONIST
Read the addendum, please.

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONST
Thank you for calling Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. This is Bobbi. How may I-- No, Bobbi with an “I”. Yes, I agree, ma’am. Bobby with a “Y” would be a boy’s name. I understand your confusion. Is there anything else I can help you with? Please hold, I’ll transfer you.

RICK
Ugh… But… Okay, I’m gonna go read the addendum.

RECEPTIONIST
You’re right, sir! This really is a high volume of calls, but you can count on me!

RICK [under his breath]
...whatever your name is.

RECEPTIONIST
What was that?

RICK
Nothing!

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONIST
Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. This is Chanelle. How may I assist you. Certainly, please hold.

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONIST [with Hispanic accent]
Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. This is Consuela, how may I direct your call. Gracias, please hold.

RICK
Okay, okay, I’ve got your application right here. It’s got a copy of your driver’s license and your social security card, by the way. You want to know who they say you are?

RECEPTIONIST
Of course not, silly. I know who i am.

RICK
Good. Good. They say you’re Carol Cunningham. Do you agree?

RECEPTIONIST
Of course I agree.

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONIST
Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. This is Princess. What can I do for you?

RICK
Oh my God, it’s getting worse. Addendum six, addendum six.

RECEPTIONIST
It’s really nothing, Mr. Finkle. You’ll barely even notice it.

RICK
Here we are. “Miss Cunningham suffers from a rare neural disorder known as Vascular Classificatory Degenerosis, with an emphasis on Nomular Retro-disgardation. In layman’s terms, this means that when speaking, Miss Cunningham can rarely remember her own name. While she is under the impression that she is speaking her name, what the listener hears is an ever-changing string of random names from Miss Cunningam’s subconcious.” Why is this written on a napkin?

RECEPTIONIST
Because we were eating at Chick Fil A when she wrote it.

RICK
This isn’t from your doctor?

RECEPTIONIST
No, it’s from a far more qualified source than my doctor. It’s from my life coach.

RICK
Don’t you need to talk to a medical professional about this?

RECEPTIONIST
Believe me, I’ve tried. They never know what I’m talking about.

RICK
So you had your life coach write this up, and you slipped it into your application?

RECEPTIONIST
Uh-huh. It’s notarized.

RICK
By who? Your psychic?

RECEPTIONIST
Uh, no. She has far more important things to worry about.

RICK
Of course she does.

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONIST
Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. This is Roberta. Do you know the extension you’re looking for? Please hold.

RICK
This is crazy.

RECEPTIONIST
Mr. Finkle! I’ve been nothing but patient with you. I’m going to have to ask that you don’t use such outrageous and inflammatory language.

RICK
Sorry. Sorry. Don’t mind me… I’m just gonna go into my office and call my life coach… I mean Lawyer. My lawyer.

SOUND FX - PHONE RINGS

RECEPTIONIST
Finkle, Durnam and Sloop. This is Wanda. How may I help you?

NARRATOR
Yes, the new receptionist (whatever her name is) is thoroughly enjoying the new job, in spite of the confusion her… disorder may be causing. She’s used to making waves. And for those of you looking to hire receptionists, always check addendum six.

THE END

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Catch you later in the PLAYHOUSE!