Dear Diary: I Just Ate A Margarine Sandwich As My Lunch

I do not have a peculiar taste for food but I am just suffering from appetite loss and also mainly due to being waterlogged as it would just prevent me from eating normal amounts of food because if you would imagine being saturated already in your body with water, you cannot simply eat so much.

I just needed some calories so a margarine sandwich can be a good source for that and I do not have to worry about being hungry after eating because I want to be hungry. Eating only carbohydrates and in this case with fat from the margarine is not enough of a nutrition. I was avoiding dairy products so I am not asking my mother to buy me some butter.

My worse enemy is being thirsty too because while hunger is quite relatively easier to endure, thirst is not so even though one is already full to the brim they would just drink and drink until they would quench their thirst.

I could not afford to be thirsty and unfortunately my nurses at dialysis would set the dialysis machine to pump me with "sodium" so that I would have a much higher blood pressure. That process is not good because at the end of the treatment the patient will get thirsty.

So imagine being full already with fluids in your body and you are made to get thirsty and at the same time you are not taken off with adequate amount of fluids in your body and then it makes your fluid allowance in the next dialysis session smaller. That is what is happening to me right now and it feels like my nurses are slowly killing me.

I am afraid because most of the patients in my dialysis center dies from fluid overload, some new patients could not even walk good because of that, much lees myself because of my backbone issue. So I know if I would die via my own body fluids I am not to blame but those that are refusing to take heed at my woes lamentations about my breathing, it falls in deaf ears of my nurses.

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