If Only Giving-Up Is An Option For Me But I Am Choosing To Press On With My Life And Fight

I think that I can never get the courage to say I am giving up and then stop going to dialysis altogether. I had witnessed some patients had done that for many reasons like financial problems mostly and such.

As for myself as long as I have some funds, as long as I have a family that is supporting me, as long as I have friends, as long as I can walk, talk, reason I will still go and get my session done.

I am just frightened to the fact that dying by not getting a dialysis treatment is the most excruciating, miserable, hard, and horrific lingering death that a person can experience. That is why I kept on going for my treatments because I am scared not to die but that particular process of dialysis patient's death.

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It Is Both Painful To Give-Up And To Fight

Once I stopped going I will experience a slow death by blood poisoning and it includes nausea and vomiting so severe it literally hurts the gonads/testicles. A patient will also experience being crazy because of the poison getting into the brain.

One thing is that the patient will experience a slow breathing problem via drowning with their own fluids. It includes coughing relentlessly night and day because of the fluids in the lungs.

Of course you will never get a sleep for that matter and that itself is just a torture. So those are my real and current fears which is why I had chosen to fight and seek to achieve a normality for my life and not like this that I am miserable everyday, always worrying about where I will get my funds for my medical necessities even though I am still earning a bit from blogging in this platform.

I am just clinging to hope and that crazy dream of mine in getting near normal again plus my dream for my parents. I just rather set my goals and work it out so that maybe with a stroke of luck or a grace if not miracle from God I might get what I wanted and may God wills it for me as soon as possible.