365 Days That Count - Day 291 - Reaching Another Cross Road 🔛 Another Chance to Consider What I Really Want To Do!? Too many Options is Never a Good Thing but Asking the Right Questions is a Start.. ☯

I've done and wanted to do so many things. From acting, singing, painting and writing to counselling, property development, running a wellness centre and now production. Deciding which way to go is and has been confusing to say the least.

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I've read many articles about the fact that having too many options is a leading cause of stress and anxiety and I'm living proof of that. I'm not the best at anything but I've been good at lots of things and it has made deciding what it is that I want to do most very difficult. It has also made putting 100% of myself into one thing a challenge as I've never been totally consumed by a single area of my life. I envy the people that grow up excelling at one thing and being able to channel all of their energy into turning that talent into a career and lifestyle. I've done many different things, some more successfully than others but my absolute fear of failure has meant that as soon as I feel like I'm losing control, I change gears and go off in a different direction. I've often thought about what I could've achieved if I wasn't so scared of failing, especially in my acting career. But there's no point swimming backwards and crying over spilt milk, life has worked out the way it has and I believe everything happens for a reason so I can't doubt what has led me to this point. But it does give me pause for thought.

Every cross road in my life has served as a teacher and I realise the importance of learning the lessons they were sent to teach me in order to make the right decisions when I reach the next cross road, as I have now.

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Since London threw a massive spanner of truth into the quaint life I had convinced myself would satisfy me, everything is now up in the air once more. Every dream, ambition and challenge I've ever set myself is swirling in the mix and once again I have to decide; what am I going to do?

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I want my life to have meaning and I want to feel that I'm in someway making a positive difference, no matter how small. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to help people and have taken the role of nurturer, consoler and counsellor in every group of which I've been a part. But I also want to create and to make beautiful things, whether that's poetry, art, music or any other medium which may allow me to craft something that adds a little beauty to this world. And I want to be challenged. I want to grow and learn and push myself to be better. So how do I add all of these things together to find my purpose and therefore my path? I really don't know the answer just yet but at least I'm asking the questions and in doing so will hopefully deter myself from taking the wrong path even if I can't find the right one. If every opportunity is interrogated to evaluate it's ability to cultivate that dream, those that fall short, will do so.

Production is currently intriguing me for a few different reasons. Firstly, it allows for flexibility of craft and of lifestyle, it also offers a challenge, if I push myself to evolve to Production Manager or even Producer I will surely be forced to grow and I may then grant myself the opportunity to make beautiful things that could perhaps in turn make a little difference.

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That is certainly not attainable in the short term, it would take many years and a lot of hard work to get to the point where I may have the freedom to choose which projects to be a part of, or have the resources to create anything of my own but it could be attainable in the long term and that still makes it worth considering. What it does do in the short term is allow me to be surrounded by creatives, maintain my freedom and leave enough time and energy to pursue other avenues simultaneously. Also, it doesn't feel like selling out, which is important. So that's where I'm going to start but I'm going to continue to interrogate my decisions until hopefully and finally I feel I've found my place. All I can do is listen to and follow my heart. ♥︎

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Love,

Daisy xxx