Raising children without focusing on milestones

Milestones start being measured when we're pregnant. Knowing how large the little speed bump should be at each stage of pregnancy reassures us that all is well in that deep, dark, sealed world. After the birth, we want to know that our little one is sitting at the right age, eating at the right age, walking and speaking properly as and when she should. In short, milestones serve as a tool and a guide, alerting us if there is anything amiss nutritionally, environmentally or physically in the life of our young ones.

A great deal of time and energy is invested in weighing, measuring and applauding milestones that are achieved ahead of schedule. While this may seem great, I believe we need to be aware of the way we are conditioning our children. We are encouraging them to mature faster and believe that where they are at should be improved on, rather than simply embraced and enjoyed.

By the time a child is 12 years old no one is going to think a child is better for learning to walk before he his peers when he was an infant. The preteen years is an interesting age where milestones are concerned. Young girls are discovering the joys of blossoming into women, a delight which doesn't escape the notice of the boys, either.

After 12 years of praising children for achieving tasks ahead of their development, after years of being programmed to believe that maturity is something to strive towards, we suddenly wish to retract everything we have so painstakingly instilled. Young girls are finally finding that acting beyond their true age is easy, its rewarded by popularity among their peers, but adults withdraw the notion that being mature is esteemed.

Sometimes my toddler runs to show me something she is proud of. Just lately I catch myself telling her she did it like such a big girl and I suddenly realize where it starts. Telling her she did it like a big girl means that big girls do it correctly and if she wants to do it properly she should strive to be like the kids older than her, or act beyond her true age. It starts with these small seeds.

I know it's a massive jump from being concerned about your baby's weight gain to preteen lipsticks and push-up bras, but my observation of myself as a parent combined with what I see in the world around me leads me to wonder if it isn't perhaps better for our children to simply be embraced at the milestone they are at, even if it is slightly delayed, barring there are no underlying medical or environmental issues of course. Perhaps rather than expecting children to reach certain milestones at precisely the right time, we can just keep encouraging progress, gently. Ironically, my toddler is above-average is almost every area of development. I believe this because I have placed great emphasis on teaching her kindness first. Encouraging compassion and love primarily. I believe a well-adjusted, secure child is more capable of absorbing information. I have never encouraged learning in my child, it has been the most natural process following from her innate curiosity and desire to understand the world around her, for all its wonder.

Do you have children who have surprised you with their personalities, compassion and an enormous capacity to love outside of intellect? Tell me your stories in the comment section!