2nd paragraph [It still felt odd using the brain implant though.] Compelling Sentence. Needs a comma before "though"

3rd paragraph [Then it hit him, it never snowed in September, not here?] Unsure why there's a question mark.

The first few paragraphs have a difficult flow. It took several re-reads to fully understand the descriptions of the space and the technical details of the tech you are describing. It feel contrived, like you are forcing a bunch of information into the first paragraph to set the scene. I would like to see you slow it down a bit, and add some dialogue. It will break up what I find to be a problematic flow. Grammatically it's fine. It's simply a matter of someone else's eyes smoothly scrolling the text.

I think you have an extremely sound universe and plot-line developing here. Your descriptions are quite strong, but again, sometimes require a second read because of how detailed they are. I recognize this problem, because I often run into it myself writing in the sci-fi genre--there's is just so much background description needed to set the scene sometimes. That's where great dialogue can accentuate the strong descriptive narration like yours.

I hope you find this criticism helpful and constructive. I have a great deal of writing experience, as well as professional critiquing, so hopefully this feels like fine grit sandpaper--the intention here is to help you polish your work, right?

The Line ["Shit, no, no, no!] needs a close "

Towards the end of the Chapter [Then parts of the screen became blurry with the remaining parts showing a much faster movement than could be explained by the motion Wietse had set in motion.] Redundancy of the words "parts" and "motion"

Overall, I enjoyed this very much. It's my preferred genre as both a reader and author. The imagination is awesome. You have some very strong content here, but I think it would benefit enormously from scrutinizing each word. Hemmingway obsessed for days over each word. I wouldn't recommend that, but the economy and flow of words is what I see as this chapter's greatest obstacle.

I look forward to reading more when time permits. Also, I welcome any criticisms you have of my work if you feel like checking out my page. Very new here, but content is coming. Good luck with your revisions and publication.