When you can't achieve a goal, look for conflict within yourself

You appear unable to choose and are losing strength in internal conflict. I don't judge you—I know it's hard to pick. How can we get caught with so little options? What can we do?

To earn a conditional million and maintain a measured life is an illustration of this. If we set a goal "from the head," it won't increase strength or inspire for long since the body remembers the high pace and overload and resists repeating it.

There is a tension between “I want changes” and “I want to leave everything as it is.” Psychologists term it a conflict of components for convenience. One emerges while the other stays in the shadows, but it will eventually replace the first, and so on in a circle.

Today, we say, “No, we urgently need to pull ourselves together and start taking active action!” “Come on, everything is already good, why bother?” voices tomorrow. Initial appearances suggest a deadlock.

Listening carefully to the parties may reveal that they want similar things, giving you a chance to identify common ground.

Ironically, it won't help us find new ways to control ourselves. This issue cannot be addressed directly. Explore my resistance—what I'm avoiding, blocking me, and fearful of. Make a mistake?

Unable to cope? Perhaps I realise that the aim is too big for me and will demand too much strength? Or that it is founded on “it must be like...” (and where and what are my desires?).

Or that my characterological structure requires me to constantly chastise myself, therefore I (unconsciously) organised this for myself. Is this aim driven by my need for affection, recognition, or security?

If I can acquire them differently, how will it change?

By saying, “help me get ready and start acting,” we are ignoring our counterarguments in therapy. One part of us wants to unite with the therapist against another.

“Let’s urgently get rid of the inner lazy person!” she says. “How you bothered me with your demands,” another retorts.

If you clear their messages from barbs, you can first find their feelings: “I'm afraid of not being fulfilled” and “I'm afraid of overexerting myself and being exhausted again,” and their values: “It's important for me to succeed, to feel strong, to respect myself.” and “it’s important for me to maintain my health and enjoy life.

” Then it's no longer a battle between foes, but conversations amongst prospective allies on how to win without destroying oneself.

Allowing all parts of ourselves (there may be more than two) to appear lets them share their (our) experiences, anxieties, hopes, and desires.

We eventually connect our "head" (ideas of what we need, goals, and ambitions) to our "body" (emotions and bodily sensations—yes, I want it or not).

As you continue, evaluate your goals for reality, notice your resources, and learn to be fair to yourself and support yourself when you fail. This is gradual and sluggish.

As a result of such labour, the aim may alter, but don't be afraid—when there's internal (body) agreement with what I select (thought), there's strength to act.

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