(1) Introduction

It is said that adeler, a famous psychologist, has a three-sided column in his consulting room. One side of the column is engraved with "I am very poor", the other side is engraved with "others are very disgusting", and the last side is engraved with "what to do?".

Every time a visitor comes to his consulting room, he takes out his three pillars and asks the visitor, "what do you choose to talk about?"

Now, if you have a three-sided column in front of you, I ask you the same question, how would you choose?

(2) "The courage to be hated"

Do you often feel bored with a trivial life?

Are you tired of complex relationships all the time?

Have you been talking to your heart in peace for a long time?

Do you feel that your life is getting far from happiness?

Do you think the meaning of life is becoming increasingly obscure?

How can we keep a young mind and make life "just if we first see you"?

How can we keep a blue sky for our heart in the complicated and trivial daily relationships? Can we use our hands to achieve real happiness?

……

These issues seem to be old-fashioned. I believe you have read more than one book, but as long as you don't do it in a day, you will have a great feeling of benefit every time.

At the same time, there are always various problems in life, from small to large, from birth to the end of life. No one can get out of this strange circle. The thinking and Realization of life are accompanied by everyone's life.

"The hated courage" is a Book of psychology and philosophy of dialogue body. The philosopher in the book is knowledgeable, experienced and full of insight and understanding of life. The youth in the book are inferior, sensitive and introverted. It is a common person we often encounter in our daily life. Philosophers have wisdom and advocate that the world is extremely simple, and people can get happiness at any time. Youth have doubts. In the eyes of young people who are entangled by many troubles, the world is a chaotic and contradictory phenomenon, and there is no happiness at all. So one day, when the people are in harmony, the youth knock on the door of the philosopher and begin a discussion on the philosophy of life. Truth is always more discernible, and the inheritance of wisdom begins with rational exploration.

(3) All troubles are the troubles of interpersonal relations.

"People's troubles are all about relationships." This is a basic concept of adeler psychology. If there is no human relationship in the world, if there is no other person in the universe but himself, then all the troubles will disappear.

The reason why people feel lonely is not because you are alone. Feeling alienated by others, society and community around you will be lonely. We need to have others to be lonely. That is, only in social relations can people become "individuals".

We all struggle to live in all kinds of "fetters" - having to interact with people who hate, having to endure the mouth of the boss we hate, etc. Please imagine how easy it would be if you could liberate yourself from the trivial relationships!

Interpersonal relationship is a very complex knowledge. It is a big problem that must be faced wherever it is.

One of the words I often remind myself is: "there are so many deaths." So in many occasions, I am a listener, listening quietly to other people talking about various topics, and when I meet interested in it, I also join the group chat, and occasionally speak some of my own ideas and opinions. Encounter oneself don't understand, not interested, only listen attentively, have no other.

Let the people who interfere with your life hell.

We are not living to meet the expectations of others.

You are not living to meet the expectations of others, nor do I live to meet the expectations of others. We don't have to meet the expectations of others.

If you don't live your life for yourself, who else will live for yourself?

You live in your own life, to say for who is alive, that is for yourself. If you don't live for yourself, who will live for you? We are still alive for ourselves. If you seek recognition and care about others' evaluation, you will eventually live in others' lives.

If you want to get recognition from others, you will live according to the expectations of others. That is to say, abandon the real self and live in the life of others.

Often feel very sensitive, many things often fall into the mire, can not pull themselves. From childhood to large, how can you not care about the evaluation of others? When you go to school, you expect teachers to write their own comments. When you are in love, people who expect to love see their own bright side, enter the workplace, and hope to get praise from the superior. It seems that the time road, after entering each role, all hope to get the recognition of others, so many times, wronged themselves, screwed their own like compressed biscuits. Now, I want to say sorry to the wronged self in the past.

Separate yourself from other people's "life topics.".

Basically, all interpersonal conflicts are caused by the interference of others' subjects or their own subjects being interfered by others. As long as we can separate the subject, the interpersonal relationship will change greatly.

You can take a horse to the water, but you can't force it to drink. Psychological counseling and all assistance to others in Adler psychology follow this requirement. If you ignore your will and force it to "change", it will only have a stronger reaction in the future.

How others think about me and how to evaluate me is another's subject, I can't control it. I just need to face my life honestly and do what I should do. It can be called "the truth of life.".

It is very important to choose the way of freedom that others can not accept or not. Let's think about it together, care about the eyes of others, look at others' faces and live in order to meet their expectations. This may indeed become a life landmark, but it is a very unfettered way of life.

(4) Freedom is to be hated by others

No matter how hard we try, there will be people who hate me and those who hate you. That's also true.

It is a natural desire and impulse for people to not want to be hated by others. Kant, the modern philosophy giant, called this desire "tendentiousness". Tendentiousness is instinctive desire and impulsive desire. So, is it "free" to live in this "tendentiousness", that is, to live in accordance with desire or impulse, to live like a stone that rolls down a slope? Absolutely not! This way of life is just a slave to desire and impulse. Real freedom is an attitude of pushing yourself down and up.

That is to say, "freedom is to be hated by others.".

It's you who are hated by someone. This is evidence of your freedom and freedom of living, and a manifestation of your life in accordance with your own principles.

If you want to exercise freedom, it takes a price. In relationships, the price of freedom is to be hated by others. It is freedom for people to be afraid to be hated but to go forward bravely, not to follow the current but to advance bravely. I care more about how I live than how others see myself. That is to say, I want to live freely.

The courage to be happy also includes "the courage to be hated.". Once you have the courage, your relationships will become easier at once.

Freedom is to be hated by others. Freedom means we have corners, and we haven't been polished yet. It takes great courage and strong psychological capacity to accept being hated by others. It is not easy to change the principles set by oneself and shake their values because of the external vision, but always strive to grow up. Life should focus on "self-development" and strive to improve themselves. The courage to be happy is often to have the courage to be hated by others.