What lies beneath
Was it the absence of fear that brought me the strength to persevere, to push forward when the world pushed back, retarding my forward motion, urging a stop? No, I think not. It was the determination I had to achieve that which I sought; The judgement that the path I wanted to follow was far more important to me than the fear of following it.
I haven't met a human being that feels no fear; I'm not sure if one exists to be honest. What I do know is that many people struggle with fear: Fear of failure, irrelevance, of loss, of discovery, of never having something, many things...Right down to fear of looking at oneself in the mirror I suppose.
Conversely, I've met many people who have denied fear and chosen courage instead. One of these people is the wife of one of my close friends. She's chosen courage in the face of adversity and denied fear a chance to take hold, despite having many reasons to fear and many challenges to overcome.
Her husband, my mate RB, was a soldier in the Army. He deployed several times and was always in harms way due to the covert nature of his role in the military. He survived though, coming home to his wife and children...And a battle with PTSD. He lost the battle though, taking his own life not too long ago, I have written about it once before.
He turned to alcohol and drugs, emotionally and mentally abused his wife and children and when she left him, and he was denied temporary access to his children by the courts, he took his own life. It was tragic and I don't really want to go into it here in any greater detail.
Whilst RB was one of the most courageous people I know his wife (they were never divorced) eclipses his bravery ten-fold.
I spoke to her today, on the phone from interstate where she lives. She has struggled to keep the family together through financial and emotional hardship. Her children have had many psychological problems and the family seemed on the brink of complete breakdown. That was last year and at the beginning of this year.
Now? Well, it seems what lies beneath this courageous lady is a whole lot of heart, perseverance, persistence and fighting spirit - A true Aussie battler! Things are getting back on track. The kids are brightening up, pitching in...One could say they are thriving. Financially they are still tight, but the family unit is stronger now than it has been for a long time. Less fractured. I'm so very pleased and it could have happened to a better, or more deserving, person.
It's somewhat ironic really, because in her now, I see a lot of my mate RB...The strength, courage under fire, never-quit attitude, ownership and responsibility for self, and others.
What lies beneath all of us is a great deal of strength and courage...In some it's very apparent, like with RB - He was titan, and yet in others it lies dormant waiting for that spark to ignite it to a flame.
I'm no longer angry with RB - I was for a while, but that quickly disappeared as I came to understand what he did and why. I also know what he was required to do and what he witnessed during his deployments...In his mind he determined what he needed to do, knew unequivocally, that his decision to end his life was his only option...I don't agree completely of course, but I get it. He took what he saw as the best option. It left his family exposed and struggling to survive, but also ignited the courage within his wife; Courage that has been pivotal to their survival. She needed help of course, we all pitched in at some point or another, because she asked. That takes courage too; Asking for help and accepting it, I mean.
I wanted to write this as some of you may be facing difficult times: Poor health, the loss of a loved one or pet, injury or even mental health issues...We all face adversity at times, but we don't need to face it alone. We can ask for help, seek it out or just accept it when it's offered. Writing this also reminds me of the same, and of my mate RB who I miss a lot.
That's about it really. I'm not in a sad mood, on the contrary, I'm so pleased and happy to hear how my mate's wife and family are going...But I miss my mate and curse the stubborn fucking pride he had within that prevented him from asking for help. I'd punch him so damned hard if he was here right now...Then I'd bro-hug him and call him an asshole before sharing burgers and beers.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default
Discord: @galenkp#9209 🇦🇺
Image is mine...A jetty near where I live.
I'm starting to learn similar things about my paternal grandfather. Wife and kids in hiding when he ended it.
It's almost like there's something so bad about killing people that even calling them 'enemies' isn't enough to make it right.
So tragic Matt. Over and over we see this happen...And the government? Well, they do nothing...Including for the families of the returns soldier's family. Pathetic. It was probably much worse after WW1 and WW2 also...Worse than now for the vets I mean, the families.
Based on your story, your friend's wife seems to have a great deal of perseverance and mental fortitude. She managed to keep the family together despite all of the massive challenges. But she was never shot at nor did any bombs go off in her vicinity. As a soldier in a combat role, your late friend RB must have come under incredible stress. It's hard to assess the subjective levels of stress people come under in different situations but it stands to reason to assume that seeing your mates die and get horrifically injured next to you must be at a different level compared to a lot of things. There is a limit to how much even the bravest men can take without losing their minds.
I agree completely...She is an incredible woman, as was RB a top bloke! Both strong in their own way.
What happens on the battlefield, what my mate RB had to do, what he witnessed...It stays with a bloke and changes him. It did him anyway. There were rare moments when the bloke I knew came back, but a lot of the time he was detached, aloof...Almost like we were not even there sometimes. It's difficult to explain.
RB was a brave man..Decorated in battle, and one of the most together blokes one could meet...But the PTSD ate him up from the inside out...He was an empty shell in the end.
Anyway, I remember him fondly, and miss the bloke that he was before his deployments...And we rally around his wife and family, the friends group I mean, and we support those he left behind.
Thanks for commenting. I know it's probably a difficult post to comment on.
Powerful testimony, healing man and woman around the globe. Just by being with it, in all its force (emotion) and in a determined battle against fear. Also you overcome fear in the telling. It's what I call a tale fully saturated in love and its acceptance.
Thank you for reading my post and writing a reply, I appreciate the effort and am glad you took the time to do so. I hope you enjoy a great day.
My deepest condolences for your loss. In the video I dedicated to my sister and family in which I sang "Unsteady (hold onto me)" my nephew had just asked me to sing something. I mentioned that my sister had lost her husband, Ron. What I didn't mention, was that he committed suicide as well. A much different story as he struggled with drugs since he was a child. He was at a rehab facility and I assume he, also, must have seen it as his only way out. My sister and family are still recovering. They have been so strong. My sister Maria always has been. Before she had my first nephew, she struggled with heroine trying to kill herself repeatedly taking full-pull doses trying to die. When she found out she was pregnant with my first nephew, Gabriel, she never touched the needle again. Over the next 10 years she had more children and put herself through college, getting her masters degree in social work. Since the loss of her husband she has been having a hard time getting back into the public, but she takes little steps every day and I talk to her often. I just recently got her her first $15 free with binance and I'm going to get her on steem here with us soon! This was a moving post and thank you for offering this and opening up this way. I may even share it with my sis if she's ready.
Hey there...Thanks for commenting and so personally too.
I've seen a lot of suicide in my life, unfortunately, one never gets used to it. Most recently two of my friends, a husband and wife, took their lives together by shooting themselves. Tragic. I always get angry, but then that shifts and I come to the conclusion it was their best choice...In their minds at least.
Your sister has had an incredible journey and it seems she is lucky to have a brother like you. It would be good to have her around here I think, for her and the community also. I hope you bring her on and want you to make sure you let me know when it happens. When she is ready though.
Thanks for your comments and I wish you all the best.
I agree, when she is ready. My father is currently visiting them in Minnesota. I'm going to let them have their time together and when he returns, I may offer her this as a new social outlet. I'll make sure to keep you updated.
Please do, and I wish you and your family all the best at this time. It must be hard...I know it is hard as I have been through it.
Ya, it's hard 'cause there's nothing you can say. When they are ready, I hope that I will know. With that song at least I know, they know I care.
I'm sure they do. It's enough for now I would say.
I am sorry to hear about your mate RB and admire his wife very much. You are absolutely right, lies beneath all of us is a great deal of strength and courage. To those who have the will power, adversity develops in themselves [and becomes a source of their] strength and courage. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt article, my friend @galenkp. Take care 🥰🌺🤙
Hey there...Thanks for your reply and reading my post in the first place. Yes, a tragic set of circumstances but from adversity often comes an uplifting story of success.
Your comment is much appreciated. 🙂
Sounds like she is quite the woman! Glad she is doing better.
Thank you and yes, she is. It's a tragic set of circumstances but she battles on, holds the family together and pushes forward. Thanks for your comment.
A sad story, but at the same time a story that depicts a woman so committed to her family, she was able to overcome, what may seem to many, insurmountable odds.
One never really knows how they will behave in times like this, until times like this test you.
As the saying goes, "what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger."
This gal deserves all of the credit in the world.
Heart warming post @galenkp, thanks for sharing.
Hey there, thank you very much and yes, I agree. She's a champ. It's been heartbreaking and also uplifting to see this process play out. Goes to show what a little determination, the right attitude and perseverance can achieve. Thanks for stopping by.
Far too many people succumb to situations like this, and the children are the ones that pay the price.
Yes...It's tragic. I wonder how avoidable it could be with better government support for vets?
So many of these men who sacrifice for all of us are left out in the cold.
The Wounded Warrior Foundation does a great job with all issues a solider may have after being on the battle field.
This is a private foundation, and one that makes sure that every donation is used to help the men in need.
Yes...A private foundation...Because the government forsake them. Happens here, and I assume in the US too. There's a few private initiatives here, and I always support veteran-owned business's.
Good for her sir galenkp and so sad that he took his life, sorry for her but like you said, she turned into an inspiration!
She has come along well although it has been a tough road. She is a bit of an inspiration, but if you ask her she will deny it.
Yes I'm sure she would. Did you write a post about your trip and seeing your brother? I'm so far behind on steemit it ain't funny but Mrs. J is pleased. She put her axe away.
I did, a couple times actually.