Get Over A Breakup (And Be Friends With Your Ex!)

So we all have this thing where it isn’t exactly the easiest thing to be friends with your ex.,

I know so. Been there and done that.

But here’s why this will be an important thing to do if you are looking to have more successful, fulfilling and honouring relationships:

The Common Mistake With A Breakup

We forget we left a part of ourselves behind with that relationship too. (Or we don’t realise that we actually do.)

Just because you are not physically together with someone anymore, doesn’t mean mentally and energetically you are not bounded to them. The problem is, so long there are unresolved residual leftovers from previous relationships, chances of you being connected to them are still there.

MY EX & MY Past Loves
I consider myself to have one of the best relationships with my recent ex, especially after we broke up. - where we just have this mutual respect for each other, where we give each other space, we allow each other the right to feel whatever they feel.

Now it is not easy. We tend to things personally when someone breaks up with us, or when someone don’t want us.
Believe me, I have been on both ends of the stick. I broken up with people, i.e my ex, but at the same time, I have been in situations where people don’t want me either.

Yep. Talk about feeling rejected.

Like, really.

Getting Over Your Past Relationships

Come To Peace With Your Past

To have a healthy relationship with your current partner, your future partner (if you are not in a relationship now), is to also come to peace with your past.

Cleaning up any old hurts, and pains, and coming to peace and acceptance of what has happened. your exes, your old flames, your crushes

It is always very easy to feel blameful, sad, upset, and unwanted when someone leaves a relationship, especially when someone doesn’t want you. But one thing we have to realize, is, it is not really about you.

Don’t Take It Personally

If someone decides to leave the relationship and move on, don’t take it personally. Of course, it is easier said than done, but it is not about you.

Really, it is about them.

Everyone has their own journeys and life lessons. Everyone has their inner demons and issues, including me, including you.

If we really truly care about someone, then we have to also understand that we might not have what they are looking for. Their life journey needs to continue without us, so they can learn and grow and expand to their highest potential without us being a hindrance.

When you come to the point that things just can’t seem to work out, it is likely that you both have come to a point in time where you need to move apart to grow in to a much better, and bigger human being , something that you might not achieve if you stay together.

How Do You Want To Give and receive Real Love?

Questions to ponder:

Are you able to receive or give that form of love in the relationship you were at?
Or - is it actually better that you guys go your separate ways?

Are you in a relationship that is allowing you to express and experience a non judgemental and an unconditional form of love?
And I mean, there being real care and love - not just “WIIFM” What is it in for me?
Would you two have had this form of love if you had stayed?

Is there space in the relationship to allow for such form of love or are there more judgements than not?
Are there more allowing and giving each other space than criticism and narcissism?
Or - looking in hindsight, maybe it’s best that you guys move apart anyways?

Would you respect your spouse or lover better if you guys are not living together under the same roof?

My Personal Experience With My Breakup

In my case, those are the questions I asked myself when I was deciding whether to leave my past relationship. I realised that I was dishonouring the relationship by being disrespectful and being intolerant, and while I had valid reasons, it is not how I wanted to conduct a relationship.
Plus, my ex and I respected each other way better after we broke up.

The Million Dollar Question
Can you guys give and receive love in an honouring if you have stayed together? Or is it actually way better that you are out of each other’s lives?

You decide. :)


How Unconditional And Non Judgemental Are We Willing To Be With The EX?

Can we allow the other person the space to do what they need to do; allowing them to move forward and helping them to do that?

Can we realise that when we allow the other the space to do what they need to do, we also give ourselves the opportunity to be truly free?

My Personal Experience With The Ex

Due to a variety of reasons, mainly financial, my ex and I continued to stay in the same house after we broke up. But I attributed a lot of the ease of the relationship, even after the break up, to him. We became really really good friends, like trusted confidants of each other.

We had mutual respect for each other. He took the effort to make things easy for me, and he basically gave me my space. He allowed me to do the things I wanted to do, even though it was difficult for him to do that.

A Growth Process…

It’s a growth process . . I was able to see my ex in a different light at the end of our journey of staying in the same place, without all the angst, stresses and anger which used to be present while we were still formally a couple.

It Is Not Impossible To Be Friends With Your Ex… 😉

While I think that my ex is someone very special, I think it is not impossible to be friends with your ex, I have had a very good friend of mine who managed to be friends with her ex husband’s partner, (ex husband of 40 years). She found a new partner herself, her ex husband also gets along with her partner and the whole family gets together like 1 big family, along with their children.

When we really reconcile and get over a relationship, chances are we can be friends with our ex. And I mean, real friends, friends, not the kind you get back together on a one night stand. But the kind of trusted friend who respects your space, and allows you to move on fully, and live your life.

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Follow me on my 21 days journey as I will document and film my thought processes, and along with it my thoughts and perspectives on love and relationship.

Catch me on Instagram : @jassicania

My video is at DLive