For some time now i have been battling with some things that i have chosen not to talk and it's really been getting me down. Ever since a young age i thought i was not good enough, i was put in a corner and shunned away by teachers, friends and often family as 'THAT child'! For years it stuck with me that if i was not good enough for the people around me then who am i good enough for? Now please do not get me wrong... I had my mam and without her i would not have known how to be the person that i am today. We did not see eye to eye when i was younger but she was there no matter how many tantrums, shouting matches, teachers meeting, psychology meeting's, changes of diet, medications and i don't think she realises to this day that i appreciate through it all, i had someone there for me, no matter what. It's hard to explain to someone that does not have ADHD the way we think, feel and learn and even to this day it's the hardest thing i have to do.
It's hard to sit and listen to people speak about you when you're only young and you don't realise you're doing wrong. It's something that has stuck with me for a very long time and only recently have i realised the extent it still effects me
For months i have sat and questioned my very existence!
Things never ever seem to go the way i want them to and it seems that no matter how hard i try... It doesn't get any easier as the thoughts to this day still come creeping back and the feeling of being inadequate sneaks back in, it tares me apart as i know i am no longer that person anymore!
My diagnosis was at the age of 5 so this condition has been with me my entire life.
Growing up with ADHD was exceptionally difficult and it's not something i will ever learn to live with.
I didn't learn like other children, i did not play like other children, i did not adapt like other children and i was shunned and labelled 'THAT CHILD' for my entire time at primary school and for someone that young to deal with this kind of ignorance. I felt like i did not belong, i was not good enough and many day's i spent standing outside because the teachers did not want to entertain me in class. I was ignored when i had questions, i was ignored when i wanted the toilet as every single time i spoke it was deemed like i was being disruptive when i was just asking to use the toilet. Don't get me wrong - I was not a pleasant child but i was so much more than what those teacher's made me out to be! I wanted to learn, i wanted to be like the others in my class and i would have done anything at all to be accepted and this never ever came. I was not allowed to grow like a 'NORMAL' child, i was not classed as a 'NORMAL' child and that destroyed my childhood.
Me and my mam didn't always see eye to eye & I'm not going to lie and say it was an easy ride for either of us. She blames herself for my condition and i want her to know that no matter what happens with us, present or future that she will always be the most important person in my life. I do not blame her for my condition, i do not think she's responsible for it and i know if it wasn't for her then i would't know i had the condition. I respect her for all that she's put up with, I cant begin to imagine how hard it must have been to bring up someone with ADHD alone, with very little support. For all we don't agree on things we haven't seen eye to eye, we fall out, argue and we can be horrible to each-other she is and always will be my superhero, the reason i am still here, she's my inspiration to be better and I'll always know she did her best and she tried to support me even if occasionally i disagreed with it. She's an inspiration to people that have children with ADHD and she can provide them the information they need.
I felt like everything i did was analysed, questioned, complained about and i was made to feel like i was not live like any other children around me. I was treat different and all i wanted was to be a part of what was going on just like everyone else. I have ADHD, I am not a problem, I am not a case study, I am not someone you can point at, I am nothing to be scared of, I am not someone you can shun and i was only ever seeking approval from someone other than my mother who i know at times got sick of me!
ADHD is very heavy condition to carry and it weighs you down! It's a condition that effects us every single day and all we ever want is to know that we are no different, we are not bad children and we just want to be accepted like others and not put in a corner like someone that's got rabies. We love to learn, we love to see new things, laugh, giggle, play, feel accepted and we want nothing more than to be accepted for who we are and not have to constantly hear that we are a problem or that we have a condition! We love stronger than others, we feel more than others and the chances are we have thought about what you're going to do next before you have.
We deserve a chance.
Part 2 will come soon. I will discuss medication, therapy and isolation units!
People are often confused on how to deal with things they are not familiar with. Despite all that you came out strong and beautiful. That's what all that matters.
It's a subject a lot of people don't like to approach but I'm not afraid to speak about it :) I am who i am and thank you so much for your lovely words
Not all people actually has the courage to talk about what they are suffering, not just ADHD. Awareness starts with people like you. Thanks for sharing. 😀
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Moms learn to adapt just like their kids. As long as there is unconditional love everything will work out. We went through the parade of doctors, social workers, speech therapists and you name it and we went through it. School is brutal. The kids are horrendous and the teachers have too many kids in a class to care. It's not you. It is them. They need to understand what it is to be in your shoes. The world can be a cruel place. But I believe that you have found your place in it. Keep your head high. You are loved!
Thank you so much for sharing all this information! that's great! All the best! Waiting for more posts! :)
That took some doing, well done. Next time you see mum tell her your feelings about her, your love and respect, she may not know and will be neat to tell her