Comedy Open Mic Round 8: SHAMELESS MARKETING

In the early 1970's, a child named Stephen Stayner was abducted and held for seven years by Kenneth Parnell, a drifter...who occasionally did odd jobs as a handyman. Years later, a young girl named Lindsey Ryan was abducted by a man named Terry Drake. He was a convicted murderer. He was also a handyman. More recently, fourteen-year-old Elizabeth Smart was taken from her bedroom at knife-point by a man who...you guessed it...was a handyman, doing work on her parents' home. All of these were senseless crimes, and all could have been avoided had the families owned...

Time Life Books, the Home Improvement Series.

Why take a chance with your family's safety? Why risk hiring a pedophile to hammer in that baseboard molding? Why gamble with a handyman who may have as many issues as...Time Life Books? From issue one, Fixing the Leaky Faucet, to issue 153, putting that 2000 square foot addition onto your home, with Time Life Books you'll never have to worry about hiring a man whose idea of unwinding...is winding rope around your daughter and stuffing her in the trunk of his car.

So the next time your roof is a bit leaky, or the garbage disposal is on the blink, buy Time Life Books, The Home Improvement series. Not only will it save you a lot of money, it'll save your friends and neighbors countless hours...of trudging through woods, swamps, and abandoned warehouses.

Time Life Books. Isn't your family worth it?

I nominate @tenhanger and @harpooninvestor to participate in this contest.