Realistic Parenting: Read The Book But....

I’ve always chosen to raise our children my way! When my son was born it was easy for me to fall into the ‘what the book says’ kind of parenting. I had nothing else to refer to and back in those days Google wasn’t as accessible as it is today. Even social media wasn’t anything like it is today. So, unless you had your own mother on speed dial there wasn’t really much else to go on. I wasn’t particularly keen on asking my mom for advice either as, well, she wasn’t a very good role model in my life.

Both my grandmothers had passed away at this point as well. None of my friends had babies of their own either. So, it really was just me, @therneau and little baby Soren. The three of us and a book entitled: What to Expect the First Year by Heidi Murkoff. I read her What to Expect When You’re Expecting, cover to cover but somehow, I forgot to read the next version with the same enthusiasm.

You can see the book there in the background. You can also see how new at parenting I am in this picture. I still look so uncomfortable and awkward.

Fortunately, @therneau’s Ouma is still around and came to visit for a few weeks after Soren was born. She was very concerned about his one ear that was slightly folded from birth and showed me how to lay him down on that ear every time so that it would eventually ‘straighten out’. She kept me company and baked us lots of yummy treats too. It also gave me enough time to catch up with my reading 😉

Eventually though, I started picking up on what worked and what didn’t work for my child. With each new discovery I discovered a new-found sense of confidence. I started reading the book less and less and started listening to my child more and more. I knew sleep training was important but feeding to a schedule wasn’t. Neither was sticking stupid mobiles on his car seat so that he could develop his depth perception. He hated this and would always cry if I left it on too long. Eventually I just threw it out.

Crying himself to sleep was another one that I banned from the house. One day I put him down and let him ‘cry himself to sleep.’ Sure, he fell asleep eventually but as soon as he woke up he was still crying! It was like the nap was just an interruption to the crying, not a solution. My husband and I looked at each other and vowed never to do that again.

We’ve experienced many of these moments in our parenting journey. I honestly believe that a lot of the frustration that new parents feel is because they believe that they are not doing it according to this or that or what this Aunty said. One of the best decisions I ever made was to throw the rule book out the window. I like to call it child led parenting. No two children are the same so why should your parenting approach be identical? I believe that as long you are happy and your child is happy then you know you’re on the right track.

I never took my children to baby gym and I’m not sorry for it. I’m not here to raise cold, super kids that I don’t recognize. I raise my children according to what myself and my husband feel comfortable with. We’re not here to compete with anyone else. Our children’s personalities dictate our parenting approach. Nothing that worked with Soren worked with Katalina. Proof that the ‘one type of method approach’ is not as effective as we would like to believe. In fact, it probably just makes more new parents feel bad about themselves. Through trial and error, you figure it out eventually. That is an amazing moment. That moment when you try it out and it works! Babies are more resilient than we would like to believe too. They’re not as helpless as we would like to think they are. They can communicate. It’s just not with words but rather with their behavior and reactions. You as the parent need to get to know your child so you know what all those nonverbal cues mean.

At the end of the day the books are great and so is Google and your Aunty and everyone else. The point I’m trying to make is that it should be taken with a pinch of salt and your own child’s reaction should be the deciding factor in which approach you want to take.

Thank you for reading and remember to keep smiling 😊
Photos were taken by me 😊, with my Samsung Galaxy S8.

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