What Doesn't Kill You Makes You More Indifferent

There is a popular saying that "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I beg to differ. This might be true if you are a cat or if you going through a rigorous exercise regime. In reality, if you really come face to face with death by having your well being severely compromised, you are more likely to become indifferent about most things around you.

I had some pretty tough challenges from physical trauma. Having faced death a couple of times, I can tell you that what didn't kill me made desensitized to things that once mattered. Money didn't seem to have the same value as before. Instead, I am ok if I have enough to survive and pay for medical bills.

Things that brought me together in groups of people together such as sports, music and philosophical meetings dropped completely off my radar. Even casual socializing became boring to the point of avoidance. This was not depression as many people believe. I just lost complete interest. Most things around me started looking pedantic and more or less pointless.

Instead, my attention shifted towards long walks in the park and tending to my garden. Fixing anything that fell into my hands also gave me great joy. What didn't kill me, framed reality differently. Daily Issues became less serious, less complicated. Facing the possibility being obliterated from existence does sort out one's priorities in life. We take so many things around us for granted. In fact, it is rather ridiculous how much people obsess over pointless matters. Life is an extremely fragile concept.

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Most people gain this form of wisdom only when they get older. Watching our bodies falling apart little by little, we start building up antifragility towards the concept of death. This is part of the reason the older we get, the less we care about most things.

Younger people feel untouchable because their bodies are much more robust. This is also the reason the younger we are the more active and enthusiastic we tend to be. Trauma scrapes away things that might once appealed to us. Our own body shuts off the reward system.

I am not even sure if this feeling is positive or negative. Definitely, not for everyone. I don't feel sad or happy, just a breeze of continual content. Indifference can really suck up the life from most things including feelings of joy or pain from loss. The feeling is similar to buying a new exciting video game with the cheat codes being downloaded in your mind.

Part of being alive is being able to change emotional states dramatically. Expressing feelings of sadness, joy, excitement spices up thing in life. Variation is key, heck some argue that it is the very definition of life. Indifference on the other hand, feels like eating your favorite food every day for 5 years straight. You just eat to stay alive. There is no pleasure to it.

I am writing this because some people that didn't go through some life threatening experiences might have the audacity to advice others to be stronger. Experience though beats sophistry any time of the day. It is better to be considerate and just ask for more extra information rather than trying to project popular quotes onto others. After all, indifference might even be considered to be a form of toughness.