Political systems are never not crazy, but these four worlds have taken governmental shenanigans to a whole new level.

No matter where you go in the multiverse, beings are fond of complaining about their planets' evil, scheming, and greedy politicians, while at the same time insisting that the politicians are necessary to the continuation of society.

We've combed the galaxies looking for the strangest and most backwards ways of organizing social power structures, and we've come up with some doozies. You may think that your homeworld's political system is ridiculous, but it's got nothing on these four planets. (Unless you're from Gwalg.)

1. On the planet Galacti-Ceuticals, the citizens are governed by a multilevel marketing scheme.

You may recognize the name Galacti-Ceuticals from the logos emblazoned on all those overpriced skin creams and nutritional powders you have shoved in the back of the cabinet below your bathroom sink. You may have even been approached by a Galacti-Ceuticals representative for recruitment into this behemoth MLM company. Well, you're not the only one.

On a small moon of the gas giant Kabrinki, in the Falway star system, the Galacti-Ceuticals Corporation has earned the business, and the governmental control, of the entire planet and all of its residents. Each citizen is a rep for Galacti-Ceuticals by birth, and either spends a lifetime climbing the pyramid by recruiting reps from other planets, or staggers through life, barely holding together a first-level organization. Citizen-reps are also required to attend daily sales calls, and must meet yearly sales quota in order to qualify for "rewards", such as sweatshirts embroidered with the Galacti-Ceuticals logo. Top recruiters can even be rewarded with shiny new star-cruisers, and mid-level earners are incentivized by the highly sought-after "Basic Rights" reward package.

2. Chorganfromp's absolute monarchy has been controlled by the same family of intestinal parasites for five thousand generations.

When Fwizzlkrag, the 6087th High Arbiter of Chorganfromp, fell ill with wasting disease, no one was surprised. Every ruler in Chorganfromp's lengthy monarchic history had succumbed to the same fatal illness. Citizens waited impatiently for him to get on with the business of dying, so that the traditional corpse-kissing ritual could be held, and the new High Arbiter could ascend the throne. But this time was different. Though each day he grew thinner and frailer, Fwizzlkrag clung stubbornly to life, depriving his subjects of their coronation party for far too long.

In their attempt to hurry him toward his final breath, the court doctors made a momentous discovery. They had opened a wide incision in his gut in hopes of encouraging infection to set in, but what they found inside Fwizzlkrag's intestinal tract would forever change the relationship between the crown and its subjects. Several large worms, "as long as the High Arbiter's own estimable nostril hairs and twice the girth of his eye-sac," had taken up residence there. It is common practice, even among Chorganfrompians, to dispose immediately of such vile parasites, but as soon as the doctors tried to remove them, the anesthetized Fwizzlkrag spoke in a strange voice:

"Leave us be," he said. "We have not yet completed our life cycle. When we have done so, we will allow our vessel Fwizzlkrag to expire, and then we shall transfer our eggs into the successor during the corpse-kissing ceremony."

Word spread quickly that the planet's ancient and venerable royal line was merely a series of disposable containers for a species of power-hungry worms. But no one much cared, as long as the roads still got built. The intestinal parasites continue to rule Chorganfromp to this day, and Chorganfrompians still wait breathlessly for the next coronation party.

3. Kojo 9's presidency is decided by an annual high-stakes poetry slam, in which all citizens are required to participate.

Kojo 9 has been called "the most oppressive regime in the multiverse", and alternately, "an enlightened society founded upon compulsory expression". Take your pick.

Every six planetary revolutions, the people of Kojo 9 come together to recite their edgy, avant-garde poetry in choppy rhythms and dramatic tones, for a shot at the planet's presidency. Slam the Vote takes place over the course of three months, in order to give every citizen the opportunity to compete. Contestants are judged by an electorate of previous presidents, who use a complex rubric to grade their performances. Points are awarded for: condescension toward the audience, whisper-to-yell ratio, cliche usage, pretense at intellectual depth, and disappearing rhyme schemes (the earlier in the poem the rhyming drops, the more points awarded).

Those who do not wish to participate in the poetry slam are publicly shamed by the president in chaotic freestyle verse, while onlookers throw lattes at the penitents.

4. On Gondelwrackus, planetary leadership always belongs to the oldest being alive.

As of the writing of this article, the prime minister of Gondelwrackus is a 151-year-old being named Floom. By the time you read this, however, Floom will have died and at least three subsequent ministers will have done the same. That is because on Gondelwrackus, the prime ministership automatically passes from the oldest being alive, to the next oldest, when the oldest one kicks the bucket.

Most prime ministers pass at least one decree before relieving the populace of their influence, but the decrees are usually things like "The Affordable Shuffleboard Act," or "The Decree for Better Hearing Aids". And, invariably, before too many new successors have come along, the previous decrees get scrapped and replaced by "Law for the Posthumous Preservation of the Prime Minister's Cats" and "The You Kids Get Off My Lawn Statute". Prime Ministers spend the rest of the minute amount of time they have left being alternately crotchety and endearing, and forgetting where they laid their dentures. It's an interesting method of governance; one in which practically nothing ever gets done. But on Gondelwrackus, people like it that way.

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Thank you for reading!

Stay tuned for more. I publish Intergalactic Clickbait articles each Wednesday!

Hi! I'm Leslie Starr O'Hara, but my friends call me Starr. I live in the mountains of North Carolina and I write funny science fiction and satire here on Steemit. Follow me if you want to laugh your britches off!