Love isn't selfish
As a young man I loved dating the women that would make me feel good. The women that would know what to say to me, and tell me the right things - which would make my head spin off into a euphoric mindgasm.
You could say I liked older women. They knew what they wanted and they knew how to get it. I loved it, because they knew exactly how to fill my need-o-meter right up to the top. Honestly, I rarely wanted for anything with women a bit more experienced than me.
"I love you" I'd say to them, not really understanding what love meant at the time. And I can see what they saw in me too, as a young man, his life in tatters, not knowing exactly which way to turn. Yeah, you could say that these women wanted to pick me up, whisk me off and save me from the big bad world.
I'll call it "The scared bunny effect"
Women just wanted to pick me up and hug me until I was better. It's a trait of the women I used to date. They wanted to protect me and heal me and make me better.
But what happened when they required something back from me? Give something of myself to them. Women are emotional, they need to feel connected and not shut off. What happened when they wanted to get to know how broken I was and how sad I was truly?
Not a chance.
I was closed off like Fort Knox. Jaded with years of hurt and furious anger washed down with gallons of alcohol. An impenetrable defence system that would rival the most battle-hardened locksmith.
So it never lasted long. I couldn't give anything of myself. I was selfish. I was using them for my gratification only. And once they learned that what they knew was a mask - it was quickly over.
It was later in life that I learned truly about love. That when I tell people that I love them it's about sharing. I need to give all of myself for the other person to give all of themselves.
It's very vulnerable to be in love. My partner, she can literally destroy me, my life and everything I've built with a few chosen words to the right people, but she wont. Because she knows that she holds the key to that box
And I hold hers.
And it's also led me onto thinking love isn't actually about the way it makes me feel. It's the way I make my partner feel.
We went to a funeral a couple of weeks back. A family relative, hated my fucking guts, but loved my partner. And there was me, sitting there, holding her hand all the way through the funeral, wiping her tears away and paying my respects.
Even although there was no love lost between me and her at all.
That day it was all about her. And I felt her pain. I wanted to suck it away from her and take the burden on myself. I wanted her to be better.
Love isn't selfish.
It's selfless.
Love how you keep killing it in your posts. Great content keep it up!
Thank you man :) - I do try my hardest :)
Yessir i do see it. I really enjoy them due to the fact I can tell they are from very personal experiences.
You won't get anything from me that isn't personal. I'm an experience based writer. And the fact that I love what I do helps :)
If a man is too serious to date with a woman, then the atmosphere of the scene will be a little cold. If you can learn to flirt with a woman before you start dating, it's easy for women to be attracted to you.
ah, that's a different subject entirely - that's dating :) To be honest, on that subject I think it's a bit of give and take. Everyone has a good match - you just have to find them :)
Most of the time finding them is the easy part keeping them is the struggle.
Exactly!
"Love, friendship, respect, admiration are the emotional response of one man to the virtues of another, the spiritual payment given in exchange for the personal, selfish pleasure which one man derives from the virtues of another man’s character. Only a brute or an altruist would claim that the appreciation of another person’s virtues is an act of selflessness, that as far as one’s own selfish interest and pleasure are concerned, it makes no difference whether one deals with a genius or a fool, whether one meets a hero or a thug, whether one marries an ideal woman or a slut."
http://aynrandlexicon.com/lexicon/love.html
The older we get , the less we say that we love
Vulnerability is a such a great conversation starter. I love what you are saying about "I love you" being sharing.
Thank you!! It SO is :)
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Well learning how to flirt is kind of something of nature, seems kind of odd to have to learn something that is somewhat generality in our DNA, might be obscured by our environment but only in a small scale.
I've never learned to flirt and I still suck at it, hah
Great article :). What people determine as 'love' tends to be instead a fear of loneliness and/or desires for affection/attention. But as you say true "love is not selfish" :).
In my understanding of science, I think you still don't understand what love is.
Thankfully, what you're saying makes no sense to me.
In addition, I contend your use of the word "selfish".
I've always been far too open, being closed off only for the obvious reasons of experience with people being complete dicks to me (and with getting the hard knocks experiences of really deadly things happening when I was open and shouldn't have been, to the detriment of my relationships).
I've even got people saying that very thing (although not necessarily visible to everyone, but you could friend her) about me. The biggest issue, overall, is that most people are insane and emotionally insensitive because they believe in slavery. Do you?