Behind the beating and being beaten

I once did a small survey on beating children on the Internet. I tracked the results of the survey, watched the number of voters gradually increased, and then compared the changes in various options. It is very interesting that from the beginning to the end, the number of participants gradually increased, but the proportion of each option did not change.

Each "you" participating in the survey may think that he is an independent individual, has his own personality, has his own values, his own child is also unique, he has his own way of disciplining his children, and may think that the options he chooses are similar to those of others. It doesn't matter.

It is unlikely that human temperament will change so much in just a few decades. It is more likely that social values ​​and educational concepts have undergone great changes. It may also be the impact of the one-child policy that makes children more Jingui, parents cherish more, and have more energy and patience to educate their children. Playing children, we thought it was our own choice, but in fact it may be social development and changes that have affected our choice.

Another interesting point in the survey results is that people who were beaten when they were young are more likely to beat their children now (51%) than those who were not beaten when they were young (21%). The former is almost the same. 2.5 times the latter. In fact, research at home and abroad has also discovered early that people who were beaten by their parents when they were young are more likely to beat their loved ones, such as their children and spouses. Children's corporal punishment is also related to social violence. Some anthropologists have even said: Spanking children may be the psychological seed of war.

It’s really interesting to analyze these data. You think you beat your child because your child is naughty, because you have an impetuous personality, but you don’t know that it is related to being beaten by your parents when you were a child. If you marry someone who has been beaten within a few hours, your child will be more likely to be beaten as a result. If you beat your own children, the risk of your grandson/granddaughter being beaten increases in the future.

The method of establishing this association may be more complicated, and the influence of heredity on personality is not excluded, but the greater possibility is the impact of parental behavior on the child's psychological impact and demonstration. People learn and grow in the process of contact with the outside world, and adjust themselves instinctively to adapt to society. Children who are treated gently have a sense of security, they will be more open in their hearts, and they will treat the world more gently; children who have been beaten and scolded are always in a state of self-protection, insecure, and in an environment where they are constantly being attacked. Only by attacking others can we survive.

When I was disciplining my own daughter, I discovered for a while that she would resist loudly, and her tone was exactly the same as mine. I realized that she had learned from me. She is like a mirror. I saw my shadow in her body and recognized myself more clearly. Each of us has more or less personality defects, and may not be aware of it, but if it is printed on the child and then reacted to ourselves, we may see it more clearly.

Of course, it does not mean that children will become violent if they hit a child, but it does increase the child’s tendency to violence, just as smoking increases the risk of lung cancer, but it does not mean that smoking will definitely get lung cancer. There are many factors that affect a person’s behavior, such as one’s own personality traits, stress tolerance, etc., personal experience and education may also change a person’s behavior, and half of the parents who have been beaten have never beaten their own. child.

Children who are treated gently are also more likely to treat the outside world gently. For children, parents are almost all of the world, so the impact of parents' behavior on children can be imagined. Recognizing this, learn to control yourself and change your own discipline. This is one point I got from this survey data