Many authorities (judges, police, medical professionals, teachers, child advocacy workers) already have a mindset that they must protect children from their potentially abusive parents. Whenever rare and awful cases like the Turpins happen, they're used as a springboard to reach deep into the safety of loving homes to snatch children from innocent parents. Legislators rush to enact new laws "to protect the children!" and the public - primed by semi-factual and sensationalized media reports - suddenly views perfectly loving parents with deep suspicion.

Never mind the abuses in the foster care system, right up the point of death and disappearance. Never mind the rampant abuses being exposed in the public school system. Never mind the fact that many children who die are killed by people near them who aren't their parents. Never mind all of that. Parents are the worst likely abusers and must be scrutinized, interrogated and regulated beyond all reason.

In this climate of scrutiny and suspicion, it is up to parents to interact with their surroundings wisely and do their best not to put themselves in situations where snatch-happy authorities could become involved.

Trigger Warnings

There are a couple of things to keep in mind as a parent if you'd like to avoid innocently triggering a CPS report.

1.) Any discipline of any kind in public is subject to people's scrutiny and criticism
2.) Your relationships are your first defense
3.) Being innocent DOES NOT protect you

That last point can't be overstated. Innocent parents can and do still lose their children.

Defend Yourself: Know Your Surroundings

I've learned from experience that even a slight scolding can offend people. This doesn't mean you can't say anything to your kids in public, but keep in mind that what you may think is a very small correction (like saying "no" or "I expect better of you") can be noticed and objected to.

Therefore, ANY kind of discipline in public is best avoided.

Do I think you should be at the mercy of your toddler's whims in public? No. Absolutely not. But your home is the place to practice on behavior, not the grocery store. The grocery store is too dangerous.

To this end, it's often best to avoid going out when your kids are tired or hungry or in a condition where you know there's likely to be some problems. If you're out and something really egregious happens like a kid having a full blown tantrum, go somewhere private to resolve the issue. You can't afford to have people watching because people have all different opinions on what you should be doing with your kids, they get offended easily and it's very easy to think they're doing a good deed by calling on you.

Don't think you're invisible. You're not.

Relationships Matter

There are a few relationships that often contribute to false allegations of abuse: spousal, neighborly and medical.

Parents

It seems as if the overwhelming number of false abuse claims I've heard or read about in recent years come down to a divorce or strained relationship between a child's parents. One parent reports the other for a variety of reasons. So if there is a marriage difficulty or other split between parents, both must take extreme care to have their interaction with their child documented and witnessed.

Of course the first and best defense? Have the best possible relationship with your spouse or the other parent of your child! If there are problems there, however, do whatever it takes to develop a relationship with a good lawyer. You will most likely need a legal advocate who knows you and your children well at some point.

Neighbors

Avoid getting into fights with your neighbors.

No duh, Captain Obvious!

But so many times, it's a disgruntled neighbor who calls authorities. It's always good to be on the best terms possible with your neighbors, but if you have small children it's critical. If your neighbor wants to pick a fight with you, it won't be a fight if you refuse to be baited.

Be kind to your neighbors. Get to know them. If they have some problem with you that's in any way fixable, fix it! Don't be the aggressive problem neighbor.

Don't stand on your rights with your neighbor: always err towards kindness.

Medical Professionals

One person to be scrupulously careful about choosing and developing a relationship with is a family doctor or pediatrician.

Professionals like these are a lifeline since they can be a trusted and unbiased voice in favor of an innocent parent. If you have a disagreement with a family doctor or pediatrician about how a health issue with a child should be handled, whatever you do DON'T have a big argument. Quietly find a new doctor. But don't argue. You aren't going to win.

If you disturb a health professional, they have a lot of power in their word and a report from them could result in a blood-chilling chain of events culminating with your child being kidnapped out of your home. If you and your children have a good relationship with a health professional, they can be your best friend and insurance in case of false allegations.

Don't ever stay in a practice where there's friction. It's not worth it.

Doctors are like anyone else: there is a wide variety of training and philosophy and if you're a reasonable person, there will be someone you can build a good relationship with.

The Right To Be Misunderstood

An important point to remember: just because you have rights doesn't mean you should shove them in peoples' faces.

Discretion is definitely the better part of valor when it comes to keeping your family intact.

You should have every right and freedom to give your child a stern scolding when they do something like run out into a parking lot: it's your job to love, teach and protect that child, after all! But the fact of our world today is that you aren't safe even giving a scolding.

You aren't safe arguing with a doctor. You aren't safe standing up to your obnoxious neighbor who plays noisy music at four in the morning. As the protector and defender of your children, you need to set aside the instinct to be offended and to stand on your rights.

Your children need you more than you need to come out on top in an argument.

Defending Is Not Hiding!

It's important to note that some abusers are very good at HIDING abuse. An innocent parent doesn't need to hide anything, but to know the things that can put them in harms' way and to defend against them. The more wise interactions good parents have with their children and allow their children to have with other people, the safer those families will be.

This post has been inspired by the excellent work being done by @familyprotection ( @markwhittam and @canadiancoconut ) in bringing awareness to the problem of invasive government overreach into the lives of innocent families.

Lauren Turner, Wife, Mother, Chief Cook and Bottle Washer, Blogger and Caretaker of Civilization

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