Relation-shipping.

The idea of dating has always been something I welcome, it rarely visits, but when it does, I relish it's short stay in my head. However, it's always been an idea, and never anything else, and that bothers me. This is something I want, I encourage others to want, and praise the people who have it, but I never get it, and lately I've been thinking that I'm the one standing in my way of getting that.

When I was a boy, I painted a picture of what my relationship would look like, when I'd start dating, and now that I think about it, that picture looks better than the ones showed in romantic novels and movies. Now that I'm grown up and have experienced life, I know that those were just boyish fantasies and that the real world doesn't work that way. I've mentally painted another picture in the past, hoping that things would work out due to the modifications made to the picture, but there's still been no significant other.

I have this notion that dating is a serious business, and has so many rules that govern it. I think that for one to be in a relationship, there has to be emotional/mental/finincial stability, and everytime I check myself, I find myself lacking in one or more of the categories above, and I tell myself that i will be ready when I've passed these criteria. The fact that I dont know when I'll pass them, scares me, what if it's ten years from now? Even though I have no problem being alone, would I have to spend all that time being self-partnered?

I'm willing to forgo fulfilling my stability expectations and board the next relation-ship, train, or plane, but I don't even know if I'll know the right passenger to board with. Am I supposed to feel a spark? Is it supposed to be a logical decision? I don't know.