God, Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior, Whatever you call him...

Is he alive, is he dead? is god a myth ? does he exist physically, or is it just a mental thing people use as a crutch to get by in hard times?

has anyone seen a sign of something supernatural happening anywhere after you have prayed or called out to god for assistance or to guide you. Or maybe not at that exact moment, but some time soon after your prayer.

There are many gods in the world. Buddha, Allah, greek gods, norse gods, so many I cant think of them all. So what about them? Do they exist also. are they along side the Christian God. Is God, Jesus Christ, The Holy Spirit the one and only true god? or is it just what you believe in ?

I myself never believed in a god. I believe in mother nature. I believe in science. I believe in evolution.

the past years I have been struggling with some hard times. addiction and a mental weakness, just not caring about myself as I have in the past, or caring about anything. I have beat addiction before, and thought it would be the same this time around. I would be able to cleanse my body and mind with willpower and just by purely wanting it. with medical help. well I was very very wrong. its not easier then 2nd time around. its 100x harder.

This all stemmed from a ride home from work. Just my luck I was caught up in an horrible vehicular accident. minding my own business on a way from work just like any other day, I didn't see it at first, but now I look back and it was this one day that changed my life forever. After being clean for years and being seriously hurt. Doctors offering to give me high strength prescription medications at me that only someone on their death bed would need. I could not say no. Now out of work and back to using again.

causing grief to a family member who supports me I feel awful and just a burden to them. I even lost a brother to overdose. yet I continue to use. this disease has got fishhooks in my brain and there's no escape.

I went to the clinic who first helped me, however they will not take me back this time because they only treat one addiction, and I have multiple. I am stubborn, and extremely negative. I wont sit in a crazy mental facility for months to get myself cleaned up.

The doctors cut me off from my prescriptions after a little more than a year without any type of weening down and off or tapering off then stopping. just nope. just a goodbye, no more seeing you. you don't need this medication long term.

Anyway this brings me back to my topic, God Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior, The Holy Spirit, whatever it is, or whoever it is....

I recently met a christian church going woman who has struggled for many more years than I have with the same problem but she "found god" and was able to stop using, kick a 15+ year habit, now has a husband with beautiful kids, a real family and lives a good happy life.

She believes she can save me. She says she will never abandon me like everyone has in the past. Everyone I have ever met tends to end badly. She claims she will never do this. she says God put her here to help people like me. It is a sign from God that she was sent to me to show me the way to find God. She genuinely wants to help but I know I need medicine, and I need to want it and do it on my own.

Ok ... I don't really know what I'm getting at here. I guess I just want to know what you all think? Does a God exist for you?

Should I pursue him and believe? I have tried to pray at times, even now I do and I don't. However nothing ever happens or has happened, only bad things, or maybe im just not seeing the good.

I've never seen anything supernatural besides the TV show with Same and Dean Winchester who fight evil. That's the closets thing I have come to believing about god, hell, heaven, angels and the devil.

I don't go to church or make a big deal about it. My parents made me go as a child and I hated it so they didn't force me to partake and just told me to eat some bread and drink wine and I'd never have to go back If I didn't want to.

I feel like the bible is just a book some old guys wrote a very long time ago to scare people, to amuse people, to make people follow them and do their bidding.

So Is god real? is he alive or dead? will he help me or do I just need to do it myself again? Can he give me the willpower to do this or does it have to come from within me? I want to be done with this awful way of life, but I'm in a downward spiral is just getting worse and worse. I need his assistance if he does exist. Or keep digging this hole and maybe I will end up in china. why does nothing supernatural happen when I pray and call out to angels or god himself? Am I not worthy? can he not hear me? aren't we all his children? what about animals and insects, bugs and stuff? when you swat that pesky fly or sqash some ants invading your kitchen do they go to insect heaven?

Im just a mess.

Any responses or answers are appreciated.

If you were able to read all of this thank you.

I could keep going but I think I have already stated I'm done.