The Buyer

With prices mooning all over the place, I thought I would post this splendid story of when a chap at my office approached me during the last mooning. He wanted something... Wanted it bad...

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Can you help me get some?

I somewhat tetchily removed my pipe and let loose a finely scented plume of plum 'n rum baccy-smoke fan out over my interlocutor. He stood before me shuffling from foot to foot. Need written all over him.

I beg your pardon old fellow?

A gentleman such as myself was not used to such coarse interruptions at work. Especially when reclining to partake of the pipe.

I read all this stuff about Bitcoin at lunchtime. You're into all that shit aren't you?

At this, I placed my pipe back in my mouth for a gentle chew and nodded wisely.

Ah, the bitcoin. Weeeelll. Yes, I might know something of it. I might even know a fellow who would be able to, hmmm. How to put it. Sort you out?

I mean its gonna be worth a fucking fortune in the future isnt it?

I crinkled my lips at such course talk. Had my cane not been some feet away propped beside my cloak and galloshes I would have thrashed the life out of him.

One just simply does not talk of fortunes to another gentleman unless lamenting the loss of a cargo of tea and spices to the pirates on the Indian sea over a gin or two.

Yes, it may rise old bean but I wouldn't be betting my bahjinah on it.

Excellent, I will get like, ten or somethin' to start, see how it goes.

I tittered at the yokel. Ten bitcoin indeed. What was this, 2010?

Young man, you do know that each of the bitcoins is worth over 2000 benjamins these days?

Whit??! That's mental?! It's no even real money!?!

Granted the fellow had a point, it doesn't seem real to your average man in the street. Despite his wispy facial hair insulting me with its sparseness I felt a certain generosity kindle within me. Yes, I would help this chap. Why not. Perhaps it would help him, at least in his quest for a fuller beard.

Listen my young jackanape. Take this. I hastily scrawled some words on a scrap of paper.

Go there, tell them I sent you. You can buy all the bitcoins you need.

The jackanape frowned at the piece of paper as if translating hieroglyphics. He looked at me, his face like wet socks.

So, is this on the dark web? How do I get on that?

The what? The dark fucking what?! That was it. My patience had been tried enough. I harrumphed loudly and went off to fetch my cane.

A damn good thrashing would sort him out and no mistake.

A fine story hmm? Surely not true? Well there may be some embellishment in the part I describe for myself but I can assure you. This was a conversation I had today. At the end of which I think I was sighing so hard that I raised CO2 levels around the globe.

I mean...

Someone please write a Bitcoin for Noobs guide. So I don't have to write one or answer these types of questions with words from my actual mouth.