Open Letter for an Anxious Heart

At night, you begin to cry and ask yourself why it has to end.

"Where did I go wrong? Can I undo my mistakes? Can we start all over again?"

In silence, you found an answer - a pitiful one. Your inner voice would tell you that there are just things not meant to last.

Looking back, you saw yourself trying to pull off a healthy relationship. You did everything you could. You have two left feet but you care-freely danced into his beat. You embraced all the flaws and turned them into diamonds because that's how you loved. At the end, your efforts will never be enough. You will always feel the disappointments.

"I should have done better, it might have made him stay. I should have hugged him a little bit more. I should have sung him songs while he was asleep. I should have not complained about how he forgot to wait for me to eat lunch. I should have held his hands tighter when we crossed streets. I should, I could, I would..."

All these regrets will call you at night, when it's all dark and you can hear nothing but the sound of your breathing.

You would wish that he's awake, missing you like how you miss him. You would wish that he cries himself to sleep. You would wish to receive a 12 midnight call as he tells you how much he's doomed without you. You would wish he still loves you because for you nothing has chaged and you still feel the same.

But that just won't happen.

He lives in peace, he has found a new love. He is happy with somewhere you wished you were together. He doesn't think of you anymore. He has forgotten all those sweet and worthwhile moments you spent. He has forgotten the taste of your lips, the smell of your hair. He will avoid your messages and ignore them because your existence now doesn't matter. You are just a shadow of the past and your time has come to an end.

And you are there, trying to pick up the puzzle pieces that scattered since he was gone. In tears, you try to fix the broken pieces and continually fail because you feel like you can't make it.

Time to get up, little girl. There is more to life. Wipe your tears. He is happy, you deserve to be happier.

He didn't want you and him to end. Fate wanted it. Accept, let go and free yourself.

"If it's hard for you, it is harder for him. No one is too happy about leaving the one you want to spend your life with. Love was real. It was just not meant to last."

You fought hard enough and you should not have regrets because you leased your soul to the depths of the earth just to bring him back.

He didn't and he won't. Forget him and indulge yourself to better engagements. It will never be easy but you can make it.