How can I protect my child from sexual abuse?

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Sexual abuse is any sexual activity with or without violence between an adult and a minor, or between two minors when one exercises power over the other.

It is also to force, coerce or persuade a child to participate in any type of sexual activity. These definitions that apply to child sexual abuse, also include sexual contact but without direct contact such as exhibitionism, exposure of minors to pornographic material, voyeurism or sexual communication through telephone or Internet.

Child sexual abuse is an anguished and traumatic experience for victims, and a crime punishable by law.

The safety of children is the task of adults. To protect minors from any form of sexual abuse, we must take into account some care and steps:

1. Know the facts and reality. Being informed about child sexual abuse helps protect children.

Experts estimate that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys can become victims of sexual abuse before age 18. One out of every 5 children is sexually solicited on the Internet, and the average age of sexual abuse complaints is 9 years. Most underage victims never report abuse. It is very likely that you know a child sexual abuser. The greatest risk for children does not come from strangers, but from their own family and friends. Some data shows:

• One in three children are abused by members of their family;

• The abusers try to establish a relationship of trust with the parents of their victims and are usually physically older and bigger than their victims.

• Abusers are frequently found in places that allow easy access to children such as the victim's own home, sports clubs, schools or religious centers.

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2. You must know with whom you leave the child and what they do. Learn to protect children. Most cases of child sexual abuse occur when a child is alone with an adult.

• The abuser often befriends his victim, earning his trust, thus managing to spend time alone with him / her.

• When you leave your child alone with another person, whether adult or adolescent, make sure they can be observed.

• Favor situations in which your child is integrated into groups.

• Supervise the use of Internet that your child makes.

• When you register your child to a sports activity, or a camp, look for what kind of responsibility and preparation have supervisors in the care of children. If they are prepared to prevent, identify and react to possible sexual abuse of minors.

• Talk to your child when he returns from an activity. Pay attention to your mood.

3. You should openly discuss the matter with your child. Understand why children are afraid to tell things

• The abuser tends to manipulate, threaten and embarrass the child, accuses him of having allowed the abuse to happen or telling him that his parents will be upset when he finds out what happened.

• Children do not reveal the abuse because they fear disappointing their parents.

• The abuser convinces the child that the abuse is 'good' and that it is a 'game'.

• Talk to your children. Communication will build trust.

• Talk with your children about their body, how to care for it, defend it, etc. 'My body is my territory and nobody touches it without my permission', it must be a motto for boys and girls.

• Instruct your children not to give their email address, address or home phone number, etc.

• If the child feels uncomfortable or reluctant to be with a certain adult, ask him why.

• Share information about child sexual abuse. In this way, potential abusers will know you are alert.

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4. Learn to detect and identify indicators of sexual abuse.

• Physical signs of sexual abuse are rare, however irritation, inflammation or rash in the genital area, urinary tract infections or other symptoms, should be investigated carefully.

• Emotional or behavioral signals are more common, which can be identified by anxiety, chronic abdominal pain, constant headaches, perfectionist behavior, withdrawal or depression, even unexplained rage and rebellion.

• When the child talks openly about sex in an untypical way for his age, it can also be an alarm signal.

• In case there is any suspicion of sexual abuse, take the child immediately to the doctor.

5. Do not overreact to a possible case of abuse. Denounce it! Learn, know how to react. Know where to go, who to call and how to react. Sexual abuse is a crime.

• Your reaction has a great impact on a vulnerable child. If you respond with anger or disbelief, the child is locked in on himself, and will feel even more guilty.

• Always offer your support to the child. Listen to him, do not doubt his word and believe in what he says. Make sure he understands that. Thank the child for telling you and recognize your courage.

• Always encourage the child to tell you everything.

• Seek help and guidance from a trained professional to talk with the child. Look for the legal steps to report. You must know the organizations and / or institutions with jurisdiction to report a sexual abuse to a minor.

• Do not panic. Children, victims of sexual abuse who receive support and psychological help, can overcome it.

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6. Always act, even if you only have suspicions and not tests.

• The future well-being of a child is at risk. Suspicions and lack of evidence can scare you, but trust your intuition and have the courage to report or bring to the attention of a child protection service.

• Look for the social services of your locality, or some office of defense of the rights of the minor. The important thing is that you act.

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7. Get involved. Volunteer to support organizations that fight against child abuse and sexual abuse.

• Use your voice and your vote to make your community a safer place for children.

• Supports legislation that protects children.

• Break the silence. Prevention, as well as recovery depends on that.

Children of any culture, race, religion or socioeconomic group may be victims of sexual abuse. There is no foolproof way to protect children from sexual abuse, but there are steps you can take to lessen that risk. If something happens to your son or daughter, remember that the perpetrator is the culprit, not you, let alone your son.

Stay involved in the child's life.

Staying actively involved in your child's life can make warning signs of child sexual abuse more obvious and help you feel more comfortable coming to you if something is not right. If you see or hear something that worries you, you can take action to protect your child.

Motivate the children to speak with courage.

When a person knows that their voice will be heard and taken seriously, it will give them the power to speak bravely when something is not right. You can start having these conversations with your children as soon as they start using words about their emotions and feelings. Do not be anguished if you have not started conversations about these issues with your child, it's never too late.

Teach your children that there are limits. Let your child know that no one has the right to touch him or make him feel uncomfortable, this includes grandparents' hugs or even tickling mom or dad. It is important to let your child know that your body is only yours that is your private property. Of equal importance is to remind your child that he or she does not have the right to touch another person if that person does not want to be touched.

From an early age, teach your child the names of the parts of his body. Teaching them these words gives them the ability to come to you when something is not right.

You must remain available and set aside a space of time to spend with your child without distractions. Let your child know that he or she can come to you if you have questions or if someone is talking to you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. If they come to you with questions or concerns, keep your word and set aside time to talk.

Tell them that this will not get them in trouble. Many abusers use threats or tell them to keep the secret as a way to keep the children quiet about the abuse. Remind your child regularly that they will not get in trouble for talking to you, no matter what they have to say. If they come to you, keep your promise and avoid punishing them for speaking.

How to know if a child is being abused?

It is usually thought that if a child suffers abuse, his parents or other people would notice immediately. Child sexual abuse is a form of abuse characterized by its invisibility. However, a series of clues may be present. These should put adults on alert.

The abuse in children leaves a series of sequels and signs that can be seen:

• Physical: difficulty walking and sitting; itching, pains, hemorrhages, genital or anal bruises; objects in vagina or anus; genital infections; sexually transmitted diseases; semen in mouth, anus, genitals, clothes; pregnancy, etc.

• Psychological: some problems of sleep or feeding, leakage of urine or feces, sadness, self-inflicted injuries, anxiety.

• Social: crimes, drug or toxic consumption, does not relate to other children or abuses them, is reserved and distrustful.

• Cognitive: low school performance, is distracted.

• Conduct: the child has sexualized behaviors such as compulsive masturbation, has sexual knowledge that is not specific to his age, refuses to go to a specific place or does not want to be with a certain person.

Most of these indicators are nonspecific. That is, they can be indicators of abuse but also of many other circumstances that have happened with his life. Their presence does not necessarily mean that a child is suffering sexual abuse. The physical indicators are the most direct. For example: suffer a sexually transmitted disease. Even so, others should not be discarded. In a significant number of abused children, no physical indicator is found. But they do not cease to be victims or the consequences will be minor.

However, of all the indicators, special attention should be paid to one in particular. It is an indicator of the first order: the testimony of the child. This is when the child tells that they touch him, what they do to him, what they tell him, because according to various studies when a child says that he has been a victim of abuse, he almost never lies.

The problem is that children are slow to tell or never tell.

Why children do not tell that they are abusing them?

First of all, because at first they do not understand what is happening to them (if they are small children). Afterwards, because they do not yet have an appropriate vocabulary to express themselves. Besides, they feel shame. They believe themselves guilty of what happened and that, for that reason, their parents are going to punish them. Finally, because the abuser sets in motion a series of strategies to make sure that the child does not say anything, so that they may be silent. It deceives him and makes him believe that they are innocent caresses because he loves him very much. Or tell him it's a secret. That is why, when a child says that he is being sexually abused, we must believe him without any doubt. This confession is, above all, an act of courage on their part.

Will abused children become abusers of elders?

Not necessarily. But for this to not happen, a series of measures must be taken. They are designed to help the child to tell what is happening to him, to believe him without questioning what he says, to be supported and protected so that he does not suffer more abuse. It must also be brought to the attention of the court or the police. It is a crime.