Finding a Soulmate
I've written three other posts on my beliefs about values, how they affect our behavior and the expectations we have of others. This is one topic I think every person thinks about occasionally regardless of their age, finding a soulmate. Before I go on, I am not a therapist of any kind, I am an engineer. These are just the random thoughts of an older guy, I'll be 59 this year.
First, think about what a soulmate is. It's someone that shares the same feelings as you about most of the issues you feel are important. If you're in your 20's, you may confuse soulmate with an ideal sexual partner, stop it. Even now, you spend more time talking to the person your with than you do having sex. If this isn't the case with you and a partner, you really don't have a relationship. You're just two people getting together for sex, just make sure you have a conversation so that both of you are on the same page. As you get older, you will gradually start spending more and more time talking and less and less having sex. Find someone you enjoy talking to if you're looking for a spouse.
But this isn't about finding a spouse because I am not a marriage counselor, nor do I want to be. Soulmates could be the two old guys playing checkers or chess in the park you walk by occasionally. They could be a group of ladies that get together a couple times a month to have dinner out, here I am think of the Red Hat Society.
Remember I said that a soulmate is someone that feels the same way you do on most of the issues that are important in your life, what makes an issue important to you? What generates your opinion on the issues one way or the other? It should be the values you hold. The values that you hold yourself accountable to and that impact how you treat others. Unfortunately, today I think most people have values of the moment. Usually these come from what friends tell us, what we read on the internet or what we see on the television.
Values of the moment have led us to the point that we have more laws protecting the eggs of migratory birds than we do protecting the the lives of unborn children. If you haven't sat down and figured out what your personal values are, you don't really know yourself. If you don't know what is important to you, filtering out all those external influences, how can you find someone that feels the same as you?
If you want to find a soulmate, first understand who you are and what is important to you. Then you have the knowledge you need when you talk to others about what they believe.
Associated Post:
Angry Versus Disappointed
Regret and Remorse
Morals, Ethics and Values
Mr. @mikehamm, now you have me going. So many good thoughts here.
Just curious, do you think everyone has a soulmate?
Most people do think of a partner when we reference soulmate. I agree that isn't always the case. It is hard to label or categorize relationships but we do have tendencies for different levels of emotions, trust and time we invest with people. It takes work.
A soulmate can often just fall into your life, might be a sibling, childhood friend, might be a very unlikely person. But you don't invest time developing a relationship, it just happens naturally .. both people somehow recognizing an inexplicable bond.
A spouse might be a best friend and soulmate. But, as you say, you have to be able to talk. You don't know what life will bring and if you don't start with the common, defined values you speak of, there is not a solid base for the later years.
Not a therapist either but your age group. Darn, I do think we understood this better when we were starting out. Or I might just be too old (not) to figure out what young people today appreciate about each other.
They don't talk anyway. Type cryptic abbreviated messages secretly while driving. Expect everyone to be perfectly up to date and practice current PC, see eye to eye on everything...cannot have conflicting, individual thoughts any more. There is probably an APP to assist in using the dating APPs cause we don't talk and have no clue how to interact with a stranger. Hide behind a picture on the internet and type what you think people want to read
Funny, we used to say "Say what people want to hear"
True optimism with a dose of skeptisim, our values remain defined, intact, shared and nutured through our relationships.
Understand yourself and be honest with people about who you are and what your values are. It will attract the kind of people you enjoy. They see things they like and things they respect about you. From there, who knows. Might be your soulmate, future spouse, become your best friend or your favorite pain in the butt but at least you have things in common and can rely on consistent reactions and support. And always have something to talk about, even if it is just each other, LOL.
For myself, I didn't understand these things when I was younger. I do think our generation was more in tune with our own feelings and the feelings of others, but part of this comes with age. Maybe being an introvert is a dying art with all the connectivity in today's world, no one has time to examine their own feeling because they are too busy with others.
I like the comment
Knowing who you are and being honest won't attract everyone, you may not be the most popular person in your social circle, but in the long run I tend to think you will be happier. Those people you enjoy being around may be a life long friend, significant other or spouse. Regardless of who they are, your relationships with others will be much richer.
To answer your question if everyone has a soulmate, it's a definite probably. The trouble is they may be on the other side of the world from you. While everyone probably has a soulmate, I doubt most people ever meet theirs but their luck would be better if they put their phones down more often.
A subject Ron and I have debated. We met by chance. Somewhat a debate on chance, fate, meant to be. Like finding your soulmate half way around the world.
Now that we are talking about this I hope to have a related subject post in the next day or two. Appreciate the inspiration. Hopefully not stealing your ideas or stepping on toes! ....just expanding with a different twist.
People can fool you face to face so I feel that electronic communication just leaves that door open far too wide.
As always, your post gave me something to think about. Appreciate the chats.
Thank you, glad you like them.