Unlightenment

(hue inverted) Photo by Adel Gordon on Unsplash

I like to think
That in the morning the sun always rises
But it's hard to believe
When you wait so long in the darkness

I feel like I'm broken
I'm afraid that I'm broken
Why do I struggle day after day?
How long must I feel this way?

The more time that passes
The more discouraging it is
I never want to give up hope, but
Nothing is ever as expected

And I'm getting tired.
There is no easy way out
But is there any way out at all?
Am I blinded by the darkness?
Or is the light too bright for me to see?
Just gotta push through all the doubt sometimes
To see the proof that you're doing something right
And if it's not true, then at least you tried

To be whole, one must live the full spectrum
Without judgment or hesitation
I've been thinking and it doesn't make much sense
But sometimes things must be questioned

No matter what, I've always told myself
I'll never give up hope, however long the night
That would be the end, or so I thought
And I won't just quit without a fight

But the ability to let go of hope for something better
To accept what is and to it, surrender
With no worry about what's next, or when
To even be okay with it lasting forever
Now that holds incredible power
You could see it as giving up all your power
But the truth is you are at the mercy of this vast universe
Some pain is inevitable, but can you make peace with it knocking on your door?

Perhaps I've been fighting the next step on the ladder
Clinging to the ego when it needs to regather
Afraid of the void lurking below what is known
Afraid to let go and feel what it has to show

Without judgment, with the neutral perspective
Hopelessness is just another color of the spectrum
Nothing wrong with feeling it when it comes to the surface
Can't deny your feelings or they'll only persist

And before I go, I know death isn't the end
There is no such thing, but when it happens
It may as well be real, that's how it will feel
And when it's over I'll wonder why all the fear

And before I go I know I may fail
Before I succeed in whatever step I must take
Even though I know everything I've just written
Knowledge means nothing until it is lived without flinching
And it will be okay
However long it takes
One more thing I'm told, one more thing I've to live
Time means nothing, it is only relative

(hue inverted) Photo by Vivek Doshi on Unsplash