When you Know you Have to do the Best Thing that May be Controversial to those who Don't Get it!

There was an article shared recently about why linking mental illness to violent crimes is perpetuating the stigma.

I half agree with this, and you know I am all about wanting to smash the stigma about mental illness.

This man who committed that atrocity in Vegas may or may not have been mentally ill. But either way he snapped and a tragedy occurred. That is sad and scary. It may have been prevented if he was able to reach out before hand.

ANYONE can snap even if they don't have a mental illness. However the fact of the matter is, if you have a mental illness you are more likely to snap than someone who doesn't. It's a fact. That is why I half agree.

And I was never intending to share something so personal because some things really shouldn't be shared. But I will let you in on what has been happening in my life over the last while. There is also a reason I am sharing this and I'll explain it later.

As I have previously mentioned way back, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I am treatment resident in regards to meds as I have tried all kinds. And having to care for my autistic son was causing me to spiral over the last while.

He was stagnating at home with behaviours starting to become really troublesome, and I couldn't give him the attention he needed. Not to mention his school was ripping us off and not helping him at all.

We tried everything to help him for a decade and nothing really has helped. I feel like I couldn't be even there for my daughter. My freelance business was failing and in all honesty in the spring I really feared I COULD snap. I saw it coming on the horizon. The last thing I wanted to happen was to become a statistic (you know another case of a murder-suicide which sadly happens when autism is involved a lot). Since my limits were being pushed I KNEW I had to reach out before I started really having dark and disturbing thoughts (I didn't but also knew that was on the horizon).

Well I did reach out and was completely honest about what was happening. My autistic son left home on September 8 and was placed in the best place for him imaginable where not only all of his needs are being met but where he has the opportunity to THRIVE!! He is at a fantastic school too. And we see him for a few hours on Sundays and these visits with him are very pleasant.

He is so much happier and I can see there are subtle improvements already in his maturity and behaviour but it will be a long road for him to get there fully. But now I can confidently say HE WILL BE OKAY! So will I!

I can be the best mother to my daughter and I now feel I CAN work on my issues and get my depression under control as I am seeing a therapist now who I can FINALLY connect with.

Why am I sharing this? Because I know that there are so many out there desperate for various reasons that must reach out for help before anything unthinkable happens.

Not to mention society has another dangerous standard: that martyrdom is the way to go. Some would think what I did was selfish because I "took the easy way out". By the way this process was anything but easy. Anyone with that mentality can go fuck themselves. What favours are being done by being a martyr? If you have that way of thinking then be careful judging someone without being in their shoes. You wouldn't last an hour.

And for those who are desperate for whatever reason, please seek help and reach out because the last thing you want to happen is a tragedy of any kind occurring.

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