Our time in Ireland is up. For us personally. It has been quite a while, but now there are actually lights at the end of the tunnel.
Anyone who's been following my blog here will probably know about the hassle we've had here, especially the past few years. You've probably also heard me say, more than once, that I want to get out of here, travel and see a bit of the world, before deciding what the next step should be. It really has nothing to do with Ireland in itself, or (most) of its people. I will always feel love for this country, and I will come back for visits in the future too. The few people who made it to my friend's list, and that are still here: nothing but love for these guys too. But it has been, and now more than ever, time to move on.

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The issues with not knowing where to go

I didn't make a plan. I haven't made plans for as long as I remember, because my plans always turn out differently from the way it was intended. So a long time ago, I decided to stop making plans and just go with the flow. But even though I thought I was doing just that, it just wouldn't flow into any particular direction and for some time now I felt like we were stuck somehow.

However, I am thankful for this journey, because it brought me to Crypto, Steem, to Steemfest 2 and 3, and the past few years I have been able to do more 'fun' things with the family, or some of them, than before this when we were still just turning every penny to make it to the next day. I brought my eldest daughter to her favorite band's (Twentyone Pilots) not once, but twice in another country, first Brussels, then Belfast (well, still the same country, even though they're stuck with the queen instead of our crazy government). We've gone to every Homeschool conference (once a year in June) in Ireland for the past 5 years and we'll hope to hit a few festivals this summer. So even though we've had a tough few years, there were also amazing moments, you won't hear me complain!

But I've been restless for a while. I know myself and I know the feeling all too well. I guess once a person has the travel bug, it's hard to go against that feeling of restlessness. At least, that's what it's like in my case. I guess I've always had this feeling of restlessness, but sometimes I can calm it down a bit, and sometimes it's not present all the time. Like when I lived in Asia.
I would still feel like I had to go and see places, but not so much the feeling I actually needed to move to those places.
Asia, I think, is the love of my life, right behind the kids. But then, there were places that I felt a similar love for, like Cuba and Belize, and there are places I've just never been to, so I can't say with 100% surety that there aren't other countries that would make my heart beat faster too. The only thing I know for sure is that my own country isn't it. It never has, and never will. Not a lot of Dutch people will say this about our country, but there are a few who feel the same, and they will know exactly what I'm talking about.

So the plan was never made because there was no plan. However, for the past few years, and especially in the past few months, everything in me told me that we needed to go elsewhere. But I didn't have any sure goal. I wanted to travel Eastern Europe in the spring, but spring has come and we're still here. Then I discovered, only a few days ago that there is a reason why I am still here. Well, I knew there was a reason, but I didn't know what it was. It's great to finally discover some reason behind something.

Options

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You know those moments when there seem to be no options, but other times it seems too much?
I seem to always have that. And I am not someone to let go easily of something I put my mind to.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend who I actually only know online. And not even here, no that social network whose name we don't mention here...LOL.
Anyway, I friended her years ago, when she was friends with a mutual friend and I liked what she wrote.
But when we talk, it's like we've known each other for years, and somehow we always have the same kind of issues or things that happen, even though we have completely different lives.
She is from the Tsjech Republic, but used to live in Holland for years, and is now back in her home country with her daughter and Dutch boyfriend, but loves to travel whenever she can. When we spoke the last time, she was a bit down because her life seemed one on a dead end road, and I wasn't much better at the time, to be honest. But sometimes, when you hear someone else tell you their issues, it's easy to forget, and just be there for that person and listen. And that's exactly what I did. I listened. She felt like she was 'stuck' there too. And she told me a bit about her thoughts and hopes. Then, she told me she would like to start a business, in travel, I'll leave it at that. It reminded me of something I also wanted to do, also to do with travel and I told her about it. Now, both our ideas are a little bit different, but in great outlines, it's the same. Either way, what it came down to in the end, was that we will now both individually work on those ideas, and see if we can't work together in this in the future.
So, we went from a conversation that started a bit on the low side, to end it with renewed energy and a new goal to work on! I just LOVE it when this kinda thing happens.

Then, it so happens, that something else just falls on your lap and you have to do something with it.
I was reading in the radical unschooling group on FB when one woman wrote the words that could have been written by me.
In short: Single mother, couple of kids, no friends, family near, not knowing where to go, feeling alone sometimes.
As I read through the responses, I found one that stuck out to me. The comment: 'Please get in touch with me, I would love to talk.' Because I'm curious by nature, of course, I had to click and see what this person was all about. I'll keep it short here too, but what it came down to was that this woman and her partner and son live on a large piece of land with forestry in Central Portugal and aside from hosting families there, there is also the wish to start an Eco-village there. OH MY! I thought I was dreaming. Of course, I got in touch and had a lovely conversation with the woman. So we're going to Portugal.
The country has been high on my list, and I was actively looking at what we could do there and where we should live. But that's as far as it went. Now there is something. Something.
I asked her about a few things, told her a few things, and in the end came to an agreement: We're welcome there, and we will keep in touch.. But since I can't give her any concrete date yet, we will get there when we get there.
The thing is, yes, an eco-village is a dream. But travel is too. More so. I feel we've been in one place for too long and need to spread the wings a little. But at least now, we have a goal. And I am definitely going. It can be for one month, three months, a year, or forever, who knows? But before we do the forever thing, we need to do those other things. You know, those hard to define things...

When it rains, it pours...always

I was talking to my friend in Holland the other day. I've known her longer than any of my friends, and she will always tell me how it is. If I talk crap, she'll tell me, if I talk sense, she'll tell me too.
This time I seemed to make some sense.

I told her about the Portugal thing. And then I told her about my suspicions (because of rumors that are all around us...) that SF4 might be in Asia this year. And to be honest, I'd love to know at least the continent, because I'd probably book a flight to wherever in Asia and just wait there and go from there. Then I told her that there is one issue about that, and that is the huge chance, that if it is in Asia, that we won't come back...
The response my friend gave me to that, was something I didn't expect from her. However, it was exactly what I needed to hear.
She said: 'Well, you'll probably know when you get there.'
And that's it! Isn't it? We're always working so hard in order to make plans, then work even harder to make those plans a reality. But life's not about making plans, is it?
It's about living, journeys, and choices that make a difference. A difference in your life, the life of your loved ones and hopefully a few others along the way. Who cares that it's not the way it was planned? As soon as I realized this, it felt like a great weight had been taken off my shoulders.

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So, there are no concrete plans...yet.
And I don't want to have concrete plans.
It's nice to have some options because it keeps me on the right path and shines a light on an otherwise unsure road.
But it's the journey that counts in the end. If everything was clearly set out for us, it would get boring, don't you think?
This way, it gives me more of a sense of freedom. Not knowing where we're going to end up. But knowing there will always be somewhere or something, while nothing is set in stone, it can't get much better than that.

So my 'plans' have taken more of a form now. They now look something like this:

• Start my travel business...some time.
• Finish some unfinished business here...soon, rather than later.
• Travel to some festivals... soon.
• Travel to several other places in Europe: soon enough.
• Travel to Portugal and stay, 1, or 3, or 12 months, with the possibility of a long-term deal... sometime between now and then.
• Travel to wherever SF4 brings us this year, and stay...we'll see how long...sometime in November.
• And then? We'll see...