So I didn't post anything this weekend, I thought i'd tell you the definitely real story as to why.

What Happened

So I was doing my usual rounds of trash diving, one of many requirements to keep a valid working visa in China, when I came across a lovely nugget of gold!

Or so I thought.

Further investigation led me to find that the nugget was actually a regular chicken nugget, also known as Fool's Gold. As I was licking the breaded jewel, I saw Bulldozer, the mean, bully cat that always takes my rewards from me, and he wasn't neutered so I could never compete, so naturally I dived deep into the trash pile where he couldn't see or smell me.

I must have dozed off, however, because the next thing I knew I was trapped in the back of a dump truck listening to womp rats ritualistically serenade each other with homemade lutes and flutes. If only they had the foresight to understand they were approaching the same fate.

Well, as everybody knows, a dump truck's destination is the landfill site, and within the hour I was part of a mountain the size of the Chrysler Building in a hole a little larger than the Chrysler building. At this point I was like, 'I'm definitely not going to be able to post on Saturday', so I gave up on that and just planned my escape in time for Sunday's post.

I threw together a 16 metre ladder made from old brooms, coke bottles and chicken wire, but as I went to climb up, my foot got stuck. As I attempted to pull it out with the other leg pushing up, that sunk too, deeper.

This was inconvenient, but nothing to panic about. I got wompy to grab my shirt and pull me out, but the act of lifting me a few inches broke his tooth. He let go and I rapidly sunk to my waste, my neck and before I knew it I was in freefall!

A couple of seconds later I realised this wasn't a landfill of trash at all, the trash was simply a cover for what appeared to be a Gold Mine! _{There were some prehistoric creatures, a tropical forest and whatnot too, but whatever}

I landed on my arse and quickly called wompy down, insisting that it would more than make up for his broken tooth (they grow back anyway, I mean jeeze, chill out). Making sure to throw the ladder down first, he carefully waddled his way down and stared in awe with me.

I must have dozed off, however, because when I pulled away the Sun was already coming up. It was Sunday Morning!

I was running out of time to make a post, so I quickly made a pickaxe out of Gold so I could mine as much gold as possible, shoved it in my pockets and melted it down into fashionable attire for convenience's sake. I fashioned a dentist chair and replaced wompy's tooth with a gold one to shut him up and it wasn't long before we were on our way to the surface.

7 metres up the ladder and you realise how heavy Gold actually is!

By the time I got to the top of the ladder, it was already evening so I got my phone out and asked @steemitadventure for some inspiration to expedite my posting routine. He told me 'just tell the truth, man'.

So here is my confession, hopefully you will forgive me for my greed and lust, it was all Bulldozer's fault.