Sexual Harassment in the Workplace - My Experience
Harvey Weinstein abuse story
Like many others who have been following the Harvey Weinstein sexual abuse story, I am disgusted by the way he treated these women. However I am not surprised. Sexual harassment, abuse, and inappropriate behaviour in the workplace is depressingly commonplace. People in positions of power often abuse that power, particularly when they know someone is vulnerable, naive, or desperate to make a name for themselves.
Sexual harassment
When I was younger I found myself in a situation which years later I realised was sexual harassment.
I had just turned 21 and was working in the head office of a major car manufacturer for a year as part of my Business Management degree.
A male colleague
At the work Christmas party, which was a fancy dress party in a lavish hotel, I found myself chatting to a male colleague who was one of the managers. I remember it being just a friendly normal chat and for some reason we started talking about Jennifer Lopez. I was pretty obsessed with her at that point so probably brought her up! Then next thing I knew he was likening me to J-Lo and complimenting my skin tone. I remember thinking "Huh? She's Latino and I'm a very Indian looking Indian so that's a weird thing to say". I didn't even realise that it was a line. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and carried on enjoying the party. At the end of the night I hugged him goodbye and he held on to me. I tried to laugh it off. He was a muscly 15 stone and dressed as a French maid. I was dressed as Tina Turner.
I tried to pull away a couple of times but he held on
It was a bizarre situation and etched into my memory. I tried to pull away a couple of times but he held on, smiled at me and kept whispering “kiss me”. In my head I was saying “No! You’re in a long term relationship and have a child, plus I really don’t want to”. But for some reason these words never made it to my lips. I think it was a mixture of not wanting to be rude and just not knowing how to handle the situation. I was just starting to get male attention at this point of my life as I had stopped looking like a boy and developed a sense of style and confidence. I had never had a conversation with my mum or anyone else about what to do in these situations so was totally freaked out and clueless. I think I actually contemplated kissing him for a second! I truly felt trapped at that point. Thank god my friends were calling me to get into the waiting cab so I had the perfect excuse to get away. I remember him saying “I can’t believe you blew me out” as I ran off.
He started acting differently towards me
The day after the party it was business as usual at work. However, this man started acting differently towards me. He was rude when giving my work to do and kept asking me why I had not done such and such task already. For a couple of weeks I thought maybe I wasn’t completing my work fast enough or that he was just in a bad mood. Then it dawned on me. “Has he been acting hostile towards me because I didn’t kiss him at the party? Who does that?!”. The more I thought about it, the more I was sure that this was the reason for his behaviour and I knew it wasn’t right.
My boss was great about it
I was lucky to have a female manager at that point, because I think I would have been too embarrassed to talk about it with a male boss. I was very shy about these things back then. My manager was great about it and said was totally unacceptable and that I should leave it with her. I don’t know what she said to him but from that day he was extremely courteous towards me and overly polite.
I'm glad I spoke up
I know some people may read this and think it’s not a big deal. Yes it wasn’t a serious offence like assault but it was unpleasant and make me feel uncomfortable at my workplace.
I’m glad I spoke up about it and thankful that my boss was so understanding about the situation. I don’t know how things would have turned out if I had had a manager who didn’t believe me or brushed off my concerns. I wish I had been a bit more clued up about these things when I was younger and I’m going to make sure that I speak to my kids about these situations and give them the confidence to say “No” when they are being pressurized to do something they don’t’ want to.
MummyImperfect x
I wouldn't be able to work in such workplace conditions for a long time if that kept happening. Glad you had the courage to speak up and hope your kids will do the same.
Thanks. I hope they will too.
You are right! Some friends they faced the same problem with their managers, some left the job, the other they stopped him, but me I was lucky that i was a teacher we have in school the most workers just females, the most of the time i spend it with the students.
Am very happy that you get the courage to stop him or the problem can develop and after can lose your job.
I don't know what it is about the corporate world but a lot of this type of harassment does go on. I think somtimes people in positions of power also develop a big ego to go with it. If someone doesn't comply with their wishes then they make life difficult for that person .
Very good that you spoke about that nasty incident!
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it gives others encouragement. As a society, we should demand a higher level of respect and behavior.
I was really in two minds about sharing this. My family won't be happy reading it as I didn't tell them about it at the time. But I just wanted to highlight what happened and how easily it can happen in a workplace.
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STOPOh I understand! When I was young, I also had a very unpleasant situation at work. Perhaps later I will write about it.
Please do write about it if you can. Sometimes it can help others through difficult times to read what you went through and how you came out of the situation. X
You're right... it's not a big deal... it's a HUGE deal and well done not only for not kissing him, but for also not putting up with his behaviour after.
Impressed!
Thanks. Its one of those things that I had not thought about for a while but I remember it so vividly and was very upsetting at the time.
Yes, it can take over every thought for a while after, too.
Thank you @mummyimperfect for sharing your personal story. I am glad that everything turned out ok after all.
I was pleased to read that you will speak about your kids about these situations, because that is our power. By telling young people about life situations they will be prepared. And make sure that they trust you with every situation of their life so that they will tell you if something happen to them.
Yes I hope so. I'm already letting them know they don't have to participate in games like "kiss chase" and they can just say "no".
Yes, just build on the trust between you and your children @mummyimperfect, so you woudl be the first one they will come to if something is bothering them.
You did the right thing not kissing him. It would have been the beginning of a series of stories you wouldn't like to talk about.
And to think about the fact that he's married or in another relationship....
Exactly! I was so shocked because he was in a long term live in relationship and had a daughter. Since then I've seen many others in his situation behaving the same way!
you are just right @mummyimperfect ...many more are seemingly doing same..thanks for you love and support here on steemit.
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