Mutual Respect between Parents and Children

When we have some expectations from something or someone and if they are not met, we feel hurt, right?
Yes, expectations when they are not fulfilled, they bring pain and hurt.

As a human being I am a very practical person but as a Mother I become very emotional. With my Son, my relation is very open, I have always created that space that we can have open conversations and express ourself to each other with what we have in mind and never hide our feelings, whether they are good or not good.

I have a very liberal view with his work and his thoughts. Since his childhood I have always encouraged him to follow his heart and not succumb to any kind of external pressure and do what is right. But then sometimes I fog out and I start behaving like that typical doting mother.
This incident happened a few days ago when he was with me. We were discussing about his academics. Initially he wanted to pursue finance, so he enrolled himself for bachelor's degree in finance, towards last year of his graduation, he lost interest in finance and started developing interest in health care, specifically in nutrition. Since he was almost on the verge of completing his finance degree, I suggested that he completed his exams then and get the degree. You never know what comes handy in life. He agreed to it and completed his exams, after that he did not bother to go to the university and get the degree. He enrolled himself for Bachelor's degree in Science and started studying on that.

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My request to him was that since he had put so much of effort in completing his finance degree he should go and get the certificate, and his point of view was that it is no point now that he should get it, because it has no meaning for him. We had some arguments and he was a little rude to me, saying, Don't I understand such a simple thing, and why do I have such a low IQ. I got very upset with that statement of his. I felt hurt, how could he talk to me like that.

At that moment I just told him, that he will not talk to me anymore and he does not have any respect for me. Ofcourse he was sorry later on. But then what he told me, I reflected on that also and felt he was right in his point. I was also rude to him in that conversation, so he told me. Mom you also said mean things to me, and hence, he also got carried away in the conversation. He questioned me, that, just because I am a mother, do I have a right to say mean things, and because he is my son, he does not have right to say. He asked me is it about young and old, or is it about mutual respect for each other.

It did bother me what he said, and he was right. Why do we as parents and elders, always think that we have a right to say anything to our children and they do not. If they feel hurt, they have equal right to tell us also what they feel.

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With my parents I never had that chemistry where I could talk openly to them, if I did not like something I would feel hurt and be quiet, but with my son, it has never been that way. I have always given him that room where he could talk to me as a parent as well as a friend. And he says the same thing to me, do you want me to start creating those boundaries if you start crying over things what I said. Ahhaaa, I would never want that, but then sometimes I do get carried away. What to do our societal conditioning about relations get in the way.

We have been taught right from the childhood that our parents are always right, we should listen to them, never argue with them. In reality, parents cannot always be right, so we as parents also need to accept that and give respect to our children as well. If we want respect we need to also learn to respect them. Just setting expectations with them to meet our demands is not the right thing, because if they do not meet that, then we as parents are the ones who will feel the pain and hurt.

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