This day 2 years ago

Life is very strange, you never know what happens the next moment. 2 years back this day my hubby was discharged from the hospital, after a long battle of 8 months fighting for his life. Those were some of the most trying times of my life. Everyday was a give up situation and then again bringing back hope and fighting it out. Though it did not get over exactly on this day, but getting him out of the hospital was one step to success in getting his life back.

The problem had started 3 years before that. He was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis, neuromuscular disorder weaking the muscles of the body. In this period we were in and out of hospitals couple of times, but he was stable. We did a lot of therapies, and that was keeping him stable. But suddenly one fine day he completely collapsed. His whole upper body function gave up. He was not able to eat, breathe, talk, sleep. His neck would fall off. For 6 months we could not talk with each other since his speech had gone. We made action communication or written sometimes. He was not able to eat so I would feed him liquid diet through a nose pipe. Every hour I had to do a suction through the tracheostomy done in his neck so there was no stable sleep time for both of us. A surgery was done to remove the Thymus gland, after the surgery he collapsed more and there was a point when everyone gave up hope. But he is my brave man, he would never give up and with all of that also kept a smile on his face and cheered me as well.

In those 8 months we moved to different hospitals and there was so much done to his body that it now brings me shivers even thinking of it. For a long time there was absolutely no progress seen, rather it was only deterioration and I would think is the rest of my life now going to be the same. I was prepared for it, all that I was not prepared for was losing him.

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The Doctor still cannot figure out what triggered the condition, but it was a living hell. He was in the ICU on a ventilator in a conscious state. I was feeling helpless, as seeing him in this condition day and night was painful. All I could do was just be besides him all the time. It was also the beginning of Covid times then, so that was making the whole situation tougher for me. I was not able to get any help as hospital had it's own restrictions. In the hospital days, one thing I did not give up was my daily Meditation, that would bring stability to my mind and I would feel energized to face the challenge every single day. Many people around me would tell me, that with my Meditation and chanting in that room, they also felt calmness. It was a good feeling for me that while I was fighting my own battle, somewhere I was being helpful in some way to people around me.

It would take an effort to make him sit from the bed on the chair, but the hospital guys were very supportive, they never gave up and they would support me in every possible way. While I was dealing with this all alone, but there was so much invisible help coming to me in so many different ways, and that's when I was affirmed that the Universe is supporting me strongly in this battle.

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When you face tough times, you grow out much stronger then what you went into it with. Everyday there was an inner turmoil, some countless questions and most of all uncertainty and the fear of losing him. It still gives me shivers to think of what life would have been if he would have not come out of it, or would have not lived it through. Every day the Doctor would give me a blank look and tell me do not be in hope for a daily progress. On one side there was hardly any progress seen and on the other hand the hospital bills were soaring. I was worried on that part also, because our Medical Insurance person informed us that this particular treatment would not be covered under the Insurance scheme. And in those days I did not even have time to work out on that part since my whole attention was on his treatment. By the end of 4 months we had spent close to 50000$. Daily ICU cost with all the treatments was 1000$. Thankfully we were prepared to take care of the expenses and my friends also came forward to offer me help.

Today when I am thinking of all of this it makes me very very emotional. When I think of these days tears roll down my eyes. But then most of it I am grateful to be out of it and be in a stable situation.

It is now 2 years, though he is still on medication but thankfully he has been stable all throughout and he has not had any down moments. My Son has also been guiding us with his knowledge and expertise on nutrition part which has also helped a lot in his recovery.

Even though he is better now, I have not let the guards down. If I see anything not normal in his habits then that rings a bell to me.
As I mentioned in the beginning life is very uncertain. We should not take anything for granted. What we eat, our lifestyle, habits, everything matters to our health. As rightly said Health is the real Wealth.

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