NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR WRITER #46 - Why Do I Write?
Notes From an Amateur Writer #46
This Blog series is an exercise in creative writing. Sometimes expressed in short story form, sometimes as a journal, or just my thoughts written down. It is a nursery of sorts for the stories that are on their way, or yet to be written.
This is post 14 in @dragosroua's January 30 day writing challenge.
Why Do I Write?
In the most recent episode in the Notes From an Amateur Writer I wrote a tale about the relationship between an unnamed individual and an internal state of beingness he had been inflicted with for the duration of his life. I put the word madness in the title, although this is a subjective description, and one that I have thrown at myself from time to time. I wouldn't throw it in anyone else's direction. So one can deduce that the unnamed character is based very much on myself. It's meant to be a positive story, given the changes that have presented themselves in his life, and the understanding that he comes to through dialogue.
Yes, at it's heart, it is a tale of disappointment and upset. Upset at his inability to just accept what is (his perceived trauma induced characteristics), and the mood swings he has been inflicted with for so long. Now none of that was visible in the story, unless you are very good at reading between the lines. But that was a bit of back story, and I didn't want to info dump.
I realised after I had written it that it actually was a positive story. I think sometimes, at least with me, something clicks in my mind and I am not always aware of it, yet out of it something develops. Usually a story I am happy with. Or something of that nature. Yet what was it that had produced that new understanding, that resolution, even if it was minor and initially went undetected?
Putting the Pieces Back Together Again
@snowmachine has written a few pieces on how she has handled her PTSD (or more precisely C-PTSD). I have been reading through these posts over the last few days and found myself comprehending her plight, and respecting the changes and growth that have come from her journey. I wanted to make note of this and give credit for her writings on the topic, because it did lead to yesterdays piece of writing. It has also produced some new and interesting questions in my own mind about how to move forward on certain delicate issues.
So now to the question I posed at the start – why do I write? Sometimes I feel that my writing is a conversation between parts of myself. A hidden and not-so hidden part. Sometimes I feel it is a search for understanding. Sometimes I feel that I will just explode if I don't write, if I don't tell the stories inside of me. But I don't want to just spew out blackness. I do want to create words that matter, that touch people, that bring some sense of hope, even if they grow out of a soil that is laden with despair. There is always hope. Writing has shown me that. It is a way out of the trap of despair, loneliness, and confusion. Imagination is the gift of childhood, and writing allows me an excuse to return to that time in a positive way.
I make a choice to write. It's not something I am forced to do. It is therefore an act of freedom, and an act of defiance against that inner voice that whispers ugly words into my psyche. That inner voice is still there, but he's the prize fighter who has lost what he once had. He doesn't punch with the same ferocity he once did. I know – he doesn't pull his punches, but I can take them easier than I once could.
He is learning to accept his diminished role. He is learning to accept that dialogue is now required. And I am learning to accept that only I can bring him healing. Writing has taught me that. He does show up in many of my stories (I think he secretly enjoys that).
I write because I have words that need to be written. I write to make my world a better place – and from that yours too. I write to entertain. I write because creation and destruction need each other to survive. I don't get it, but that is what I have learnt from writing.
Besides, it's also a lot of fun.
Images from unsplash.com and used with permission.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you liked it then please like, comment, and follow.
@naquoya
Links to earlier works
- Fiction
My Fiction Writing Collection
NEW - Writing Myself Out of Existence
NEW - When the Levee Breaks
- Blog Posts
Notes #1 - #39 - Notes From An Amateur Writer Collection
Notes #40 - Read, Write, and Face the Future
Notes #41 - What Are Some Of Your Favourite Books?
Notes #42 - Website Review: Fiction University
Notes #43 - Seeking a Community Of Writers
Notes #44 - What Are Some of Your Favourite Characters?
-Poetry
Hope is what we have even when everything is lost. Even if we're doomed, we can believe in betterworlds. And even though we've suffered, we can write about our experiences in the hope that others will not have to suffer so much. Beautiful piece, thanks for sharing.
As for where those thoughts come from... our subconscious is incredibly smart, smarter than our consious mind, and it can collect such an amazing amount of data that we're never consciously aware of. I have learned to trust in the process, because oftentimes my subconscious understands where we are going even if I don't - and when I look back I see that I have been building great things without ever really understanding why I'm doing it until much later.
'
That's why it's important to act, to do, to write, even without a full understanding of why we're doing it - our subconscious understands why we want to do those things, even if in the moment it confuses us,.
I have often been amazed at the depths of the subconscious, and even it's apparent guiding hand in the direction I take. if I listen, that is Like you say - do, write, act, even if the full understanding isn't there. The number of times something so seemingly trivial like picking up a particular book to read has turned out to be just what I needed to read at that point in time. Perhaps it flowed out of earlier - yet unobserved - agreements or understanding that I had reached internally? The subconscious releasing somethings for processing, or new data entering the subconscious?
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.
When your subconscious has you standing before an open door, don't let reason interfere - as @snowmachine hints, step through, the hidden wisdom of your subconscious may have worked out the advantage of doing so long before.
Intuition is a powerful guide. Sometimes I try to reason my way out of listening. But it rarely is a good thing. Thanks for joining the conversation :)
You know, no matter how bleak your writing gets, the only thing that ever comes through for me is a sense of hope. Well, that and a feeling of catharsis. I could relate to everything that you wrote here, and everything you mentioned translates well in your writing.
Quite too often, writers are dismissed as merely creatives, when in fact a lot of us pour our very being and leave a part of our soul in everything we do. It often goes unnoticed by the average reader, but fellow writers appreciate what we pour into the page. I see you, mate, and I appreciate all that you give.
Thank you, glad to know a sense of hope does come through. I'm not a 'happy ending' kind of writer, but more an 'ending that matches the tone of the story'. But that doesn't necessarily mean doom and gloom. Ultimately this is a form of entertainment.
Yes, we do pour our soul into our writing. No doubt about that. Some more so than others. And once it goes out into the wilds to be read and accepted or rejected by others, it is well and truly out of our control.
Thank you.
In that regard, we are brothers in arms. Happy endings are a thing of the past. Whatever fits the story should be the natural outcome of it.
Yes, whatever fits the story and its mood. I like to be left thinking and pondering on meaning and significance. Left wondering about what if...
Don't we all. The best stories are always the ones where the reader is left to wonder, even when there's a definitive conclusion.
@naquoya,
Enjoyed your post immensely.
Salutations. JaiChai here.
Here's an article about writers like you and me - and everyone:
https://steemit.com/writing/@jaichai/ijch-writers-write-they-can-t-help-it-but-everyone-needs-to-write-too
And I think you will like this short story:
https://steemit.com/hardship/@jaichai/athena-s-story-a-flipina-street-girl-surviving-poverty-abuse-and-hardship
Lastly, here's something to help our new Steemian writers where English is a second language:
https://steemit.com/steemit/@jaichai/ijch-does-written-english-intimidate-you-does-it-keep-you-from-posting-on-steemit-this-will-help
Upvoted, resteemed, followed, and calling @originalworks and @steem-untalented upvotes for your post.
May you and yours be well and loving life today.
Namaste,
JaiChai
Thank you for the resteem and for commenting. I appreciate your kind words.
The @OriginalWorks bot has determined this post by @naquoya to be original material and upvoted it!
To call @OriginalWorks, simply reply to any post with @originalworks or !originalworks in your message!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us! I love how you equate writing to revisiting our childhood imagination for a time. I think every one needs to hold on to that imagination in some way when they enter adulthood, and writing is a fun way to tap into it.
Thank you. To me imagination is a central part of whatever it is to be truly free. It's in us, we own it, regardless of what is going on outside of us. It can be therapeutic, but it doesn't have to be. It can just be worlds we create, people we become, dreams we test out. And that can bleed over into this 'reality' (I believe). It is a place of joy. And that is a good thing to have leak out and become a part of our everyday lives. There is something about that childhood state. That true belief that one can create their own reality and enter into it and play with and mould the forces of reality. It's where all good stories come from.
And like you allude to, it can make for a healthier adulthood. Children are wise. They know what's going on. And so that is why I write :)
I appreciate your comment.
The last sentence really made me smile.
So many reasons that all lead up to simply enjoying it!
When we boil it all down, what do we have? That's probably it. Because it is fun, and enjoyable. And it puts smiles on people's faces. That makes my day :)
Ever since I can remember I have always wanted to write. Be an author.
I am an avid reader (library and book geek) and my passion is writing.
Sure I have had other jobs in my lifetime, but I always came back to writing.
I can relate. I love writing, but it's not my job. I would love for it to become my job, but first things first. And in the meantime I write a lot, read a lot. Try to learn as much as i can on the topic.
Best of luck with your writing endeavours, now and in the future.
@naquoya, there is a deep resonance within my soul as I read your article. I know exactly what you are talking about here:
You have made me think that there are many undiscovered things ahead...
I've upvoted and resteemed this article as one of my daily post promotions on the @mitneb Curation Trail. It will be featured in my daily curation report on 14 JAN 2018.
Cheers!
Hello @mitneb :)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and impressions of this piece of writing. I'm glad you were able to understand the words above, and were able to find meaning in them. That matters to me.
Happy to hear about the resteem and inclusion in your curation post.
All the best.
I am very glad I ended up on your page somehow. I take it as a sign since I resonate much with your writing approach.
Forgive me while I stay near your fierce mind and stalk you from time to time :)
E
Fate brought you here, perhaps. I usually pay attention to Fate's little whisperings.
It's good to have you drop in here. And I am glad to know my writing resonates.
I've never had a stalker before, even a part time one. But feel welcome to hang around, read up on my many other ramblings. I'll be happy to give your blog a visit also.
:)
Firstly, thumbs up for committing to this thirty day challenge and to all the personal development gains that'll come through such a commitment.
Secondly I feel you a 100% and resonate strongly with your thoughts of why you write. Personally writing allows be to create a deeper sense of connection with my subconscious self and also it allows me to be very present, sort of like meditation. Just makes wonders for my well-being and enjoyment of life.
Otherwise, if you're into travelling, vlogs, fitness, self-development etc feel free to check out my channel, in any case keep up the good work and I'll see you around! :)
Thanks for reading and leaving such a wonderful comment. Yes the 30 day challenge does push one to an new level. I did one about 6 months ago and benefited enormously from it. So it was time to go for round 2.
Yes I think writing does create a deeper connection. I do feel that also. It seems to allow buried ideas, emotions, thoughts, memories to resurface. Sometimes just to go on their way, but sometimes they make good writing material. Show us something new, or a new perspective. Glad you understand where I was coming from.
Always happy to connect with new people, great writers and bloggers. Perhaps you will see me around :)
Thank you your well written response, rare to see these days ;)
I agree 100% 🙏🏼
It is rare to see. Sometimes even rare to see a response. Not from me though. Your comments are always welcome and appreciated. All the best.
Writing is a way to comfort yourself.
hunger, happiness, sadness are sometimes the basis of writing.
I always wrote when I was in summer to get rid of my uneasiness.
an inner pouring action for me! I seem to be so for you too.
do not keep him waiting for inspiration!
thanks for your beautiful article
Yes, writing can bring comfort. I also find this. Definitely to help get rid of uneasiness.
I agree, don't keep the muse waiting. When there is writing that needs to come out then it is time to write.
Thank you so much for your comment.