A personal experience I wanted to share that got a big impact on my life or How i discovered an infinite void in my brain.
" True silence is the rest of the mind, and is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. "
William Penn
Be silent.
It sounds easy enough but then why is it so hard to achieve?
Almost every culture, religion and philosophy has stories and practices about the power of silence.
Psychology is mapping the benefits of meditation, Christian monasticism has their silence vows, it is an important ritual in Sufism, a cornerstone in almost every Eastern religion and also practiced among many tribal populations around the world.
There are endless special techniques and rituals that one can learn and practice, thousands of books, videos and guru’s that will guide you on their path to your inner peace.
So why should I even write about it then?
Because for me nothing I ever tried worked,
Sure, I could stay quiet for a while but to be honest then I was just having another conversation, with myself inside my head. I still love those conversations today and it never gets boring up there.
So in fact I never saw my thinking as a problem, I really love to figure things out mentally or just make stuff up for the pure joy of having this infinite imagination.
So my search for silence did not start because I saw thinking as burden at all , no thinking had been almost always a pleasure, it was rather because I discovered a new challenge, a skill I did not possess yet.
I tried really hard to be silent but that didn’t really work because of course I was thinking how to be silent.
“I command myself to be silent !” I even shouted it very loud: “ I AM SILENCE!”
Ok haha, so maybe I should do some research instead and so I googled page after page, watching video after video, trying technique after technique and as a result I was thinking even more instead of less.
Sometimes I even really felt stupid because I just could not create silence in my own head, my brain always kept generating stuff forever and ever.
" Silence is the language of God, all else is poor translation. " Rumi
How could I ever be like these masters of silence and meditation?
Was this even real?
It was just impossible for me to achieve and nothing I did gave me even the slightest hint that progress was being made and this was worth pursuing further.
Eventually I gave up and forgot about it.
Years had passed and I was not doing anything related to meditation but one night while lying in bed suddenly and completely unexpected I did notice something, a small gap between my thoughts.
It was very short and almost unnoticeable among all that chaos of endless words being generated but it was there and it kept returning every time again and again.
a space, a little void between my thinking.
The more I focused on the spaces between my thoughts instead of the words, the longer the gaps started to become. I was intrigued and started to practice this every night before I falling asleep and slowly I got better.
I also started to practice it during the day: first while hiking in nature or sitting in bad but after also while standing on the bus, while doing the dishes, during my conversations with people. I started to notice more little things like the smell of someone passing by, the sounds of a newspaper swirling in the wind, thousands of different greens in one grass field, I can go on forever but It made me realize how much I had been distracted by my own thoughts.
This fueled my dedication and I practiced even harder, thoughts became like clouds that pass by in my personal sky and I can just look at them without touching or disturbing them.
I was really excited with my new skill and I tried to share my experience with some friends but most were very skeptical and didn’t believe me at all.
I was a bit disappointed because some of them used to be my spiritual heroes.
Anyway I was too excited to care and little did I knew that the real ride had not even started yet, this was just the my engines warming up and doing test-runs.
So there I was again observing thoughts passing by and focusing on the spaces in between.
I felt like this fearless King seated on his throne observing his kingdom but at the same time it was also a bit like watching TV without using the remote control to zap the parts I didn’t like.
A cloud faded out of existence, my inner night-sky was now completely empty and dark, I don’t know how long that moment lasted but I still get the goosebumps typing this right now.
It was dark and there were no words, no images, no body, nothing except me and that vivid crazy feeling, like I was an electromagnetic thunderstorm instead of a body made out of matter.
I was here, there, whatever but there were no thoughts at all, I was completely still but felt like moving in every direction back and forth, vibrating and oscillating. It was one of very weird experiences but luckily everything was to exhilarating to even have time to become afraid.
What my logical self later concluded from this experience was that those thoughts we produce are not us alone, they never were and they never will be.
Somehow we all exist beyond thought. It is our brain that gives a meaning to those patterns that it recognizes based on how it has copied those interpretations from other people during its existence.
We can interact with them whenever we want but those thoughts are not ours alone and they are certainly not telling us who and what we really are.
I don’t want to deviate to much from the original reason for this post which was an alternative way of discovering silence because I think it has approved my life in big way and it is an experience everyone can have with a little effort and practice. The techniques I tried didn’t work at all. Maybe this will work for you also.
"thoughts became like clouds that pass by in my personal sky and I can just look at them without touching or disturbing them."
I've been doing this, and I know what you're talking about. Mine came because several years ago I was full of anger, all the time. I had to change, and I focused on being silent for hours........this enabled me to let go of pain.
Now, I see my thoughts come and go, as they pass through my mind, but i'm removed from them, to a certain degree. It's like I have access to an original me, the one that exists outside of experience.
Exactly stellabelle, what you describe is very similar to my own experience. I was also very angry at times but this made me realize a lot of things that we identify with have nothing to do with who we are. I believe our core being exists indeed outside of our experience, beyond words and meaning, something with infinite potential to create anything it wants to, play any part it wants to.
Very cool. I have had this experience on drugs a few times, and in my daily life it is deepening. I agree it is very powerful. Perception becomes exceptionally clear. Thank you for sharing. I will try this "between the gap" method! :)
Thank you psylains, would love to hear more from your experiences.
A wonderful post, I appreciate how you state that you "don't have to create or do anything" to be in silence because it is always there. In my beginning days of meditation I found myself trying to "do" or "create" silence, which just played into my thought patterns even more. It was within recognizing my thoughts, and not fighting them but rather like you said, allowing them to pass like clouds in the sky, simply observing the clouds and not grasping onto them, that I found silence.
I also benefited a lot from reading Ram Dass's book "Be Here Now", here are a few pages that I think relate to this post :-)
thank you, those drawings are amazing. Book added to my reading list :)
I was introduced to him by this talk with Terence McKenna .
About to watch the talk now, thanks for sharing!
I've experienced something similar. It was like a split-second glitch. It felt like I was skirting along the treshold in which -consciousness- is coming into life from -silence-. The birth of an entire universe with a -thought-.
And that's why they say - care is important -. A universe born out of care (or love) is what it will be. Funny what wisdom a single glitch could impart.
"The birth of an entire universe with a -thought-."
I really like that because it reminds me of an experience were thoughts had gone way beyond words and one thought was only needed to create a whole existence, one thought was so complex that it had everything in it, every action i would take, every word that i would speak.
It is amazing that it takes years and sometimes even lifetimes to remember ourselves!
a quote i will cherish, I don't know J.Kleykamp so thank you, someone new to discover.
I've been reading a book by ekbert tolley, trying to reduce my axiety. Ive been trying very hard to find the silence so my thoughts dont take over my life and convince me my life is miserable. Its good to hear that with patience its achievable to find the silence :)
My pleasure, do you mean Eckhart Tolle? I can not find ekbert.