Let Me Help You Get a Good Night's Sleep.

I am a person for whom there is no problem so great that it will keep me awake at night.

This is my gift. I can sleep anywhere, any time, even when its not necessarily convenient.

Now, to be fair, it could be that I possess some mild biological advantage that helps me drift off into sleep. I 'do' have a 'mild' (ahem) case of sleep apnea and that can certainly weigh me down if I fail to get enough sleep.

Even so, I believe that I've developed techniques that greatly improve my odds of drifting off to sleep. I do believe that my sharing them here could help you too.

Disclaimer: Warning. A little humour may be ahead. Do not engage in these practices while operating light or heavy machinery, while driving, while performing emergency health procedures, while procreating, while nursing infants, while crossing the road, while working in air (or any other kind of) traffic control, while cooking, while trying to convince your partner or your boss or somebody equally bossy that you actually are paying attention, or while reading this post... I will find you... and I will end... your pleasant dream... at the most inopportune time...

Right then! Lets get serious!

Lets first speak of the master steps and then work our way down to the beginner steps.

Its alright. I'm a practiced amateur. You'll be fine... probably...ish...

Free Your Mind.

And by 'free' I actually mean 'clear' or 'empty'. Thats right. All those intelligent thoughts you have buzzing away in your head are actually getting in your way when you're trying to catch your good old beauty sleep*. Get rid of them!

(* Hoi! Did you know that your body channels more blood flow to your skin while you sleep - and that this is why your skin feels refreshed in the morning?)

You need to do less thinking - but it can be difficult to empty one's head for some reason. If you manage then you'll be drifting off to the land of zZz in no time!

If that doesn't quite work then...

Feel Thyself!

In a family-friendly way! O_o (Seriously... look at what I have to put up with...)

As such this brings us to the next stage.

Since we are having difficulty emptying our heads, it seems that we might need to put something else in instead, forcing out those pesky thoughts in the process.

Since we are trying to get rid of thoughts. Lets try replacing them with feelings instead. For those males in the readership who don't know what I am talking about, kindly consult the nearest available female for guidance.

However, we need the most appropriate kinds of feelings for this. The kind that are stable... leisurely... cool. For those females in the readership who don't know what I am talking about, kindly consult the nearest available male for guidance.

In the event that you happen to be typically clueless and cannot find less clueless members of the enemy gender, the following is what you are aiming for.

• Breathe... Feel the breath flowing in and out of your lungs.
• Feel the warmth or the cool of the air on your skin...
  ...or filtering through your multiple layers of clothing.
• Sense every movement you make,
  your connection with your body even while your eyes are closed.
• Commence breathing again. And don't stop next time.

It may take a few minutes to get this right but there should come a point when you are simply aware of yourself and your immediate surroundings. Allow yourself to sense the comfort of the bed and your pillow... snuggle deeply into them... relax...

Maybe you'll drift away now, so concerned should you be in feeling rather than thinking.

But you know what? Some people simply aren't capable of quieting the gossip thats going on in their heads.

For this reason the third method exists. Its kind of the 'Only break in case of emergency' measure.

Think... Simple...

So you've failed to clear your mind and trying to get in touch with your feelings has given you an itch that won't go away.

This third method... should work.

You... are a turnip.

Be... the turnip.

The whole turnip... and nothing but the turnip... so may you sleep.

The essence of this third method is to replace those complicated troublesome thoughts with simple helpful ones.

If the turnip isn't working out for you...

Then how about a shape or a color?

Or another vegetable - like potatoes?

If you really cannot bring yourself to think very simple then the absolute beginner method follows.

Everything is Awesome!

This is even easier than the simplicity exercise. All you need to do is 'not' think about problematic thoughts and to help you to do so you invoke more pleasant memories in their place.

Traumatized by that time you got a lego stuck in your nose?

Think about cute fluffy bunnies instead.

Yes you can add rainbows and dragon wings to them...

I won't judge you.

Here! How about some "rainbow pancakes"?

Or would you prefer a slice of butterscotch cinnamon pie?

You Are Getting Very Sleepy...

Well this was a list of some mind tricks that you can try.

Each method does not need to be tried exclusively. It is perfectly alright to transition from one method to another (just try not to overdo it). I myself like to either think simple or get in touch with my feelings before moving on to clearing my mind.

Other things that you can do:

• Ensure that where you sleep is not also where you work (Also not where you watch TV or browse Steemit).

• Ensure that your sleeping location calms you down (What that means to you may vary from what such means to others).

• Ensure comfortable noise levels - typically silence (But could include 'white noise' or soft music in a noisy area).

• Recognize that any problem you face is better faced with a full night's sleep (Accept your current powerlessness & accept to 'get back to it' tomorrow).

• Make peace with the other gender, whatever gender you may be (Resistance is futile).

A combination of the above - should ensure that sleeping is no longer quite so difficult a task as you once thought. It may take some practice but your sleep will improve. The humour inserted along the way is the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.

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If you had a good chuckle or found the guidance useful (its just dressed in a humorous way) and would like to share this with your friends then a resteem couldn't hurt.

If you 'didn't' like this then do give my blog a quick look over. My content tends to be a little more serious (though I seem to be going through a mild humorous streak right now). ^_^

Sweet dreams!

Sincerely,