After years of living like an animal, I decided I wanted to learn some skills I always admired but never gave myself the opportunity to learn.

When my life settled down I took some time and learned the basics about small engines and powersport equipment:

Mechanical skills were never really encouraged in me growin' up, somewhat due to my gender but mostly since no one in my family had a mechanical hobby. Just how things were. It was way out of my comfort zone when I first started. Most people grow up with those skills since childhood and those people are usually men. I've found that men are so supportive of women who want to learn! They are excited about it and love to help and share their knowledge. My experience in educational areas that are primarily a male domain has been a positive one overall.

I'd argue men are more supportive of women in non-traditional occupations than the average woman is!

Now I'm in love with machines forever. I took a year of Mechanical Engineering but decided that working with actual machines is better for the cool kids like me who smoke and swear a lot ;) Instead of engineering I will continue on to trade school next year to become a Heavy Equipment Mechanic.

I can’t remember how I found out about Steemit, likely through browsing the latest cryptonews. So now I’m here with all you other forward-thinking folks.

Anyway, here is some of my drug-fueled Art:

Previously I had lived a life off the curve: No trajectory followed!

Yup, I’ve done a lot of drugs!!! Man. Oh man! Sorry stoners put on your shades...

I mention it because it’s all I really did for years! (many years) and I noticed there’s lotsa people like me around Steemit! Sure, I maintained definitive Slackerdom, but I like to think of it a better way;

It's my life’s work to explore the limits of sanity and challenge everything about reality and the human experience (my own and everyone else’s)

I don’t regret that I chose that route over a University degree! Masters in the straight-up experiential. Because now:
I'm a Doctor of Nihilism and can spin anything however I want to.

I’ve done every drug, like a true badass, any I could get my greedy little reprobate hands on, so every type except the more obscure ones like “2-CB”

...and I would list them all here with gory detail but I want to remain somewhat employable.

I did read a lot of Timothy Leary and some Terrence McKenna back then but I never got into the “setting the scene” for a good psychonaut trip.

Since we all have our fave anti-heroes, I did things Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas style instead

I watched my dosage, at the most, otherwise:

I was NOT a responsible drug user!!!

...and in some ways (for most substances) that is sooooo overrated.
I’m a piss poor role-model for the faint of heart.

"Enter with no fear and no harm will come to you"; works for me. I would get high as F#$% and just wander around public spaces (with good company). Yeah it was pretty messed up sometimes but it never bothered me. I once sat in a pile of weeds along an apartment block because I thought it was a magic garden. It was fun to walk passed police when my eyes had saucer pan sized pupils. "I can't look away."
There were no ‘bad trips’, even the nightmarish stuff of my mind was an exciting escape.

To share a memory. It was a fine summer day at Assiniboine Park (the largest city park second to Central Park, didja know?!) To the point:

It was a visual Bacchanalia.

After I dropped five or so grams of shrooms...

I can still remember the Ancient Gods forming out of the eldest, tallest trees in the park...

Bacchus himself, made of leafy fractals, the Great-Horny-Horned God, was just humping away on the tree-turned-Satyr to his right. And a lot of really sexy faeries were dancing around (the mythological type with wings) and they were pretty and feminine and just kissing each other so sensually while they winked and giggled. It was awesome. and I'd see those sexy things every time I dropp'd. Until this day I thought I’d keep that to myself but I’m not longer afraid or embarassed of the weirdness that comes from my subconscious mind; to fear the subsconscious means to fear yourself.

Shrooms are great, and cheap, though we all have our Drug of Choice, and Ketamine is mine. It’s an Escherian stairwell of the mind. I just love feelin' like I'm walking at a 45 degree tilt. Who wouldn't?!

The K-Hole:


And YES, drug use allowed me to accept the world as it is and be comfortable with who I am. Just say Yes.
I say “semi-reformed” psychonaut as I did get older and slow down! :( Some of you reading will know how it goes, some of you don't just yet...I no longer have the time, resources, or brain-cells to spend out of my right mind all the time. Mostly it was not that I made the choice, I admit! I ain't that responsible; sources dry up, people are wrongfully imprisoned, or it gets expensive. Right? Plus, for awhile there, I ended up with many trouble of my own and had to take care of them (the usual.)

The Egotist in me thinks most people aren’t even free within their own minds. Taking psychoactive substances lets your subconcious mind surface to run amok in a way which you can’t control; you must confront!
No where to hide until the drugs wear off!!! It’s beautiful and bizarre.

I’m not a fan of labels...so that makes me an Anarcho-Nihilist.

I don’t think far enough into the future to be an Idealist of any means; not all of us can be planners and visionaries! Somebody's gotta do it, but it ain't gonna be me!

It’s pure joy to expose the hypocrisy of any institution and tear down false dichotomies of existence anyday; subjectivity to the point of conundrum where “Nothing is true; Everything is permitted”^^^
If you think on it too long, there’s no end; it’s barely possible to wrap one’s mind around.

My interests are in the symbolic more than the political. The underlying meaning to the expressions and beliefs we find. I find it hard to understand that people choose modes of living other than that which allows the most expression of freedom, when the option is there.

Nihilism Ain’t Easy; but it doesn’t really matter anyway

Sounds good to you? You think we'd make matching Followers?
I've got an eclectic array of interests, and a dark brand of humour that offends even myself. I'll be writing some fiction, some psychology, symbolism and the subconscious...and random things from my broken mind. If that sounds like your thing, shoot me a follow and FEEL FREE to link to your own posts on my posts anytime, if they are related in subject or tone.

And here’s my best friend:

I really enjoy the lazy days just chillin’ with my dog and checkin’ out Steemit.

^^^Before (inspiring) Assassin's Creed...

Author William S. Burroughs found fascination within the story of Hassan-i-Sabbath and included the motto, "Nothing is true, everything is permitted," and many references to the work in his 1959 post-modern novel, "Naked Lunch."

Thanks for reading :)
I look forward to keep Steemin' with ya!
Love,
Vanessa
twitter.com/@9Nessa3