This made for excellent bed time reading! Further solidifying my curiosity about trying it. When you said 'pardon the 'woo' talk' - this struck a powerful chord with me. Dispelling this attitude is one of the aim's of my blog. It's not 'woo', it's an integral element of our biophysical operating systems we call the body, something as a species we have forgotten, or has been trampled out. I think that the 'new age' actual woo has been propagated to have the exact effect it did on you, to make people feel uneasy even mentioning it, feeling like they have to justify why they said it, and it's wrong. I've ignored that side of my self which as been wide open since i was a child. I did in my late teen's and early twenties get sucked right into it, got told i was an Indigo etc etc and shamefully i loved it. But one thing about my mind, i most often see through bull shit, it may take me a little while, but there's some wise voice deep amidst the chaos that says 'yeah but that doesn't make sense, did you think about this? And then i go 'oh yea.........that doesn't actually make any sense.
I've named my blog around it because my aim is to draw people who are that way inclined in, to plant some seed's, and to share some genuine experiences that show it's not all love and light. It's fucking harsh being so open sometimes, and we've got to be able to start talking about energy, chakras, other dimensions seriously , not clouded by waffle, because i think it's one thing that is making us sick mentally, physically and spiritually.
I really enjoyed reading this, and can totally read between the lines ;) Even had some revelations about my own relationship. On my introduction post, where you commented about 5-HTP on my comment about this 'net', a comment or so under your one i've written about my experience on 2CB and what happened with the 'net' around that, some parallels here with guidance from seemingly elsewhere and self reflections, you might find it interesting- apologies in advance if you do read it and dont ha!
I think that the 'new age' actual woo has been propagated to have the exact effect it did on you, to make people feel uneasy even mentioning it, feeling like they have to justify why they said it, and it's wrong
Lol. You definitely misinterpreted my use of the word. :-)
Rather than try explain, another breadcrumb on the trail might serve better... some of the perspectives in a recent piece on esoteric exploration & astrology perhaps clarifying my stance on such matters better than a direct address.
...
2cb... I’ve only done a couple times, though in a context which made it very difficult to discern the direct effect. Very curious to try again. I had some hangouts and got pretty spun out both times - intrigued on what obstacles had been hit and what might be on the other side of breaking throug them. Unfortunately, I don’t have any hookups for it, and don’t mess around with the dark web, so just gonna have to wait until the opportunity presents itself again.
apologies in advance if you do read it and don’t...
Oh my bad! Ill take a read thanks :) It's weird isn't it, how you can read something and interpret it to suit your own personal agenda, i didn't catch that at the time i was doing it, but im glad you pointed it out. Ill be mindful not to jump to quick conclusions again.
Ah that's a shame that you don't have access to it, or maybe it's not. Maybe it's not the right one for you.
Reading this actually opened up my heart chakra tenth fold ;)
You have some amazing life stories bro...and it sounds like you've got balls.
XD Keep writing
What a beautiful story, thank you so much for sharing! It is so exciting to see more and more people open up and share their journeys with Ayahuasca since ever one is different.
Keep spreading the love! :-)
I've had that drug on my mind for a while now. This is a pretty incredible story. Thanks for sharing it. I wonder what makes some people want to go to the edges of the world? What is that quality you possess? It's a quest for self-knowledge. I guess you loved her all along but your programming didn't allow you to place much value on love? Monogamy is not trendy? Is that the programming that the drug released?
part quest for self-knowledge, part quest for knowledge beyond self, part the yearning for experience beyond the realm of knowledge itself - full immersion in rich dimensions of life inhibited by knowledge itself, perhaps.
i'm not sure if it wasn't that I placed value on love. there were ALOT of conflicting programs running, mostly based in fear. I was afraid of commitment, afraid that I wasn't 'enough' because I hadn't gotten my shit together financially yet, afraid that I'd have to sacrifice my own ambitions & dreams to settle for a life that didn't truly inspire me (though most of the ambitions were ego-driven, and my heart was SO closed to the idea of kids that I was completely shut to the possibility of finding any inspiration in that. Straight up - I had been pretty selfish, and I suppose had placed higher value on fantasies of grandoise success & adventures more than love.
re: monogamy - being a Cancer, I'm naturally loyal and not one to slut around, never have been. though, there still was a curiosity to experience more women than I had - and I didn't know how to manage those desires, especially in the prospect of a life-long commitment. even afterwards, some of those desires were there - though over time, I have matured and learned to sublimate my sexual energy within the confinements of a single relationship.
the drug didn't 'release' ANY programming, really. and it's kinda hard to grasp without having fully experienced it, but the power of the grandmother isn't the DMT in it. our brains naturally produce DMT in various quantities, as do various substances in nature. I suppose it's more like the DMT in the brew opens the gateways for the spirit to work through. I don't feel it'd be accurate to say either the drug or the grandmother DO anything TO a person, as much as SHOWS them what has not seen before. in the end, alot of programming can be "released," in a sense - but really, it's more a matter of transcendence - once you see certain things, consciousness renders beliefs about them void...
I like using the distinction between belief & consciousness sometimes - where belief is commonly used to try create some mental construct of reality that's based on faith versus facts. if your eyes are closed, you could believe anything is in front of you, for whatever reasons - based on your experience of what you've seen in that environment before, what others tell you, what you might pick up from your other senses of sight or smell. but once you open your eyes and see for yourself, the whole idea of belief meaning anything in that context goes out the window because you can just fucking see what's in front of you.
we've got all kinds of crazy ass programming forming our constructs of reality. a tool - and it's important to bear in mind its a tool that has been used for thousands of years with great reverence as a spiritual medicine/sacrament - such as any psychedelic doesn't do the work of its user for them - though provides them the opportunity to see aspects of them self and life that have been in their blind spots. This is why the intention for any psychedelic journey is CRITICAL. they can allow us to see, experience, and understand from new and varied perspectives, brining light to what was previously in the dark. Once we can see the programming running us in greater detail, it might still have some habitual gravity - but our capacity to respond is increased with the greater self-awareness. If key elements of the programming are in blind spots, it can be incredibly difficult to change - whereas once a person becomes more aware of what's driving them, the range of options available opens up. great revelations can be had on any psychedelic - but ultimately, its the choices of how to integrate them afterwards through daily actions where the programming gets changed.
For me in that experience, I'm not sure if any programming was necessary released. Rather, I was SHOWN the potential of living a life truly based on love, versus the one I had been on fear - and the precise action step was revealed that I needed to take to step onto that path of love. I was still scared as shit to actually follow through after, but did what I needed to do anyways. and it was that action step WHEN SOBER that the real game-change took place. and it's still taken a couple years to reprogram/release alot of the conflicts that had been running.
as such, these tools require a significant degree of maturity if engaged with. people can - and have - gone too far with them due to a lack of wisdom in their proper use and the vital importance of set & setting. used responsibly, they can be an INCREDIBLY powerful therapeutic tool. however, a person really truly needs to be ready to take responsibility for their life and own up to taking the action required once its revealed what transformations and character development they must undergo, as can be revealed through a psychedelic experience.
that may be quite the drawn-out answer to your last question, getting into more detail than you bargained for - yet it's a critical distinction to make. and having chosen to make this story public - which I have received feedback on that doing such may not have been a wise move to discuss such matters publicly - I do feel a certain responsibility to clarify and pass on such wisdom, as if people read this and are considering doing ayahuasca, it would be irresponsible of me to not clear up any misunderstandings that could result in people getting the wrong impression of the reverence, wisdom, and maturity one best step into the world with, should they choose such a path for themselves...
"SO closed to the idea of kids that I was completely shut to the possibility of finding any inspiration in that. Straight up - I had been pretty selfish, and I suppose had placed higher value on fantasies of grandoise success & adventures more than love."
I had that program playing in my mind too, until the age of 39, the last gasp of fertility reared its ugly head.
But having a child has actually created a more refined version of myself. I never understood the interconnectedness of life and suffering, now I see that interconnectivity is the invisible power between all beings. (woo woo stuff)........being interconnected is the way of health....I'm still learning these lessons actually.
My subconcious desire to breed took over and I found myself indiscriminately embracing love. Love for everyone. It was odd. I realized that in order for me to continue on and experience another dimension of life, I would need to give up control. I gave it up instantly. Too fast. I got pregnant instantly. Mind you, I wasn't conscious of my desire to have a child. It was not a well-thought out plan. It emerged from my lizard brain, the part that wants to live forever through offspring. I fought this urge my whole adult life, and would stay unattached to men, for I didn't want to settle. Settling down was equated with death. The kind you mention. But I realize my thinking was from a bad program. Or, I wasn't yet fully developed inside. I had to go through 7 years of solitude to find out who I was.......my insecurities have gone away with the self-knowledge.
There's one area yet, that I do not know.....and I see it possibly manifesting after financial independence is accomplished. The hierarchy of needs by Maslow is pretty correct in my situation.
Fear has receded, self-confidence has re-emerged, and I see that soon after some financial stability and creative output is reached, I am moving towards the next step. I never knew how these stages worked until recently....
Been wanting to do this medicine myself, have an inner calling, I think it is exactly what I need. Thanks for more insight one or two thimgs i never knew about it. especially that you could do it on Vancouver Island. I am In Canada myself.
if she's been calling, it may only be a matter of time until the opportunity presents itself. there's quite a few medicine circles hidden around here & there, so might not be so far from you...
it's a VERY intensive experience, not to be taken lightly. make sure to put alot of prep into your intentions, and take the 1-2 weeks of preparatory measures seriously (specific diet, abstinence from alcohol, drugs, sex).
also make sure to meet whoever is leading the ceremony and make sure you are comfortable with them. ayahuasca has become something of a fad these past years and alot of people are hosting without really knowing what they're doing or holding proper respect for the medicine.
(which reminds me of a satire video on it, which I actually felt kinda strongly about due to the mockery and lack of respect of the medicine and culture behind it within the video - however, it does present some funny views and points worth considering:)
VERY borderline. don't take too seriously.
partaking in ceremony with a someone well-initiated into the culture with years of experience is undoubtedly a game-changer, though... :-)
Where you begin and end with your language says a lot. I appreciate your judicious use of words here.
(The more words I use to try describe it, the greater disservice is done to honour what actually lies there - all silent, all powerful).
The note you added above is also much appreciated, and worth repeating:
it's a VERY intensive experience, not to be taken lightly. make sure to put alot of prep into your intentions, and take the 1-2 weeks of preparatory measures seriously (specific diet, abstinence from alcohol, drugs, sex).
also make sure to meet whoever is leading the ceremony and make sure you are comfortable with them. ayahuasca has become something of a fad these past years and a lot of people are hosting without really knowing what they're doing or holding proper respect for the medicine.
I don't think I can watch that video right now, maybe I'll be in the mood to have a laugh~cry later though.
Your whole story was beautifully written, and was an inspiration to read.
I'm glad you shared it here.
My ex was real big on ayahuasca. In fact, that's what we talked about in the first few minutes of our first conversation, and we could tell that we were definitely going to be huge influences in each other's lives. It was true, but we could not stay together because I had to move. However, I was able to have a few ayahuasca experiences with a few bros later on and they were the most incredible experiences of my life.
I loved this, I was pondering about fear and love all day today, and then I read it here, and it got me thinking while I continued reading, until that great moment when you made the jump and ask her to marry you she said yes!
This made for excellent bed time reading! Further solidifying my curiosity about trying it. When you said 'pardon the 'woo' talk' - this struck a powerful chord with me. Dispelling this attitude is one of the aim's of my blog. It's not 'woo', it's an integral element of our biophysical operating systems we call the body, something as a species we have forgotten, or has been trampled out. I think that the 'new age' actual woo has been propagated to have the exact effect it did on you, to make people feel uneasy even mentioning it, feeling like they have to justify why they said it, and it's wrong. I've ignored that side of my self which as been wide open since i was a child. I did in my late teen's and early twenties get sucked right into it, got told i was an Indigo etc etc and shamefully i loved it. But one thing about my mind, i most often see through bull shit, it may take me a little while, but there's some wise voice deep amidst the chaos that says 'yeah but that doesn't make sense, did you think about this? And then i go 'oh yea.........that doesn't actually make any sense.
I've named my blog around it because my aim is to draw people who are that way inclined in, to plant some seed's, and to share some genuine experiences that show it's not all love and light. It's fucking harsh being so open sometimes, and we've got to be able to start talking about energy, chakras, other dimensions seriously , not clouded by waffle, because i think it's one thing that is making us sick mentally, physically and spiritually.
I really enjoyed reading this, and can totally read between the lines ;) Even had some revelations about my own relationship. On my introduction post, where you commented about 5-HTP on my comment about this 'net', a comment or so under your one i've written about my experience on 2CB and what happened with the 'net' around that, some parallels here with guidance from seemingly elsewhere and self reflections, you might find it interesting- apologies in advance if you do read it and dont ha!
Lol. You definitely misinterpreted my use of the word. :-)
Rather than try explain, another breadcrumb on the trail might serve better... some of the perspectives in a recent piece on esoteric exploration & astrology perhaps clarifying my stance on such matters better than a direct address.
...
2cb... I’ve only done a couple times, though in a context which made it very difficult to discern the direct effect. Very curious to try again. I had some hangouts and got pretty spun out both times - intrigued on what obstacles had been hit and what might be on the other side of breaking throug them. Unfortunately, I don’t have any hookups for it, and don’t mess around with the dark web, so just gonna have to wait until the opportunity presents itself again.
No apologies necessary! ;-)
Oh my bad! Ill take a read thanks :) It's weird isn't it, how you can read something and interpret it to suit your own personal agenda, i didn't catch that at the time i was doing it, but im glad you pointed it out. Ill be mindful not to jump to quick conclusions again.
Ah that's a shame that you don't have access to it, or maybe it's not. Maybe it's not the right one for you.
Reading this actually opened up my heart chakra tenth fold ;)
You have some amazing life stories bro...and it sounds like you've got balls.
XD Keep writing
cool. :-)
just reposted one of the pieces I wrote after doing ceremony the first time at https://steemit.com/ayahuasca/@rok-sivante/vine-of-the-soul and will have one more on the way shortly.
interested to have a listen to the Chillstep link - but says the stream is offline...?
What a beautiful story, thank you so much for sharing! It is so exciting to see more and more people open up and share their journeys with Ayahuasca since ever one is different.
Keep spreading the love! :-)
your welcome. glad it put a smile on your face. :-)
I've had that drug on my mind for a while now. This is a pretty incredible story. Thanks for sharing it. I wonder what makes some people want to go to the edges of the world? What is that quality you possess? It's a quest for self-knowledge. I guess you loved her all along but your programming didn't allow you to place much value on love? Monogamy is not trendy? Is that the programming that the drug released?
part quest for self-knowledge, part quest for knowledge beyond self, part the yearning for experience beyond the realm of knowledge itself - full immersion in rich dimensions of life inhibited by knowledge itself, perhaps.
i'm not sure if it wasn't that I placed value on love. there were ALOT of conflicting programs running, mostly based in fear. I was afraid of commitment, afraid that I wasn't 'enough' because I hadn't gotten my shit together financially yet, afraid that I'd have to sacrifice my own ambitions & dreams to settle for a life that didn't truly inspire me (though most of the ambitions were ego-driven, and my heart was SO closed to the idea of kids that I was completely shut to the possibility of finding any inspiration in that. Straight up - I had been pretty selfish, and I suppose had placed higher value on fantasies of grandoise success & adventures more than love.
re: monogamy - being a Cancer, I'm naturally loyal and not one to slut around, never have been. though, there still was a curiosity to experience more women than I had - and I didn't know how to manage those desires, especially in the prospect of a life-long commitment. even afterwards, some of those desires were there - though over time, I have matured and learned to sublimate my sexual energy within the confinements of a single relationship.
the drug didn't 'release' ANY programming, really. and it's kinda hard to grasp without having fully experienced it, but the power of the grandmother isn't the DMT in it. our brains naturally produce DMT in various quantities, as do various substances in nature. I suppose it's more like the DMT in the brew opens the gateways for the spirit to work through. I don't feel it'd be accurate to say either the drug or the grandmother DO anything TO a person, as much as SHOWS them what has not seen before. in the end, alot of programming can be "released," in a sense - but really, it's more a matter of transcendence - once you see certain things, consciousness renders beliefs about them void...
I like using the distinction between belief & consciousness sometimes - where belief is commonly used to try create some mental construct of reality that's based on faith versus facts. if your eyes are closed, you could believe anything is in front of you, for whatever reasons - based on your experience of what you've seen in that environment before, what others tell you, what you might pick up from your other senses of sight or smell. but once you open your eyes and see for yourself, the whole idea of belief meaning anything in that context goes out the window because you can just fucking see what's in front of you.
we've got all kinds of crazy ass programming forming our constructs of reality. a tool - and it's important to bear in mind its a tool that has been used for thousands of years with great reverence as a spiritual medicine/sacrament - such as any psychedelic doesn't do the work of its user for them - though provides them the opportunity to see aspects of them self and life that have been in their blind spots. This is why the intention for any psychedelic journey is CRITICAL. they can allow us to see, experience, and understand from new and varied perspectives, brining light to what was previously in the dark. Once we can see the programming running us in greater detail, it might still have some habitual gravity - but our capacity to respond is increased with the greater self-awareness. If key elements of the programming are in blind spots, it can be incredibly difficult to change - whereas once a person becomes more aware of what's driving them, the range of options available opens up. great revelations can be had on any psychedelic - but ultimately, its the choices of how to integrate them afterwards through daily actions where the programming gets changed.
For me in that experience, I'm not sure if any programming was necessary released. Rather, I was SHOWN the potential of living a life truly based on love, versus the one I had been on fear - and the precise action step was revealed that I needed to take to step onto that path of love. I was still scared as shit to actually follow through after, but did what I needed to do anyways. and it was that action step WHEN SOBER that the real game-change took place. and it's still taken a couple years to reprogram/release alot of the conflicts that had been running.
as such, these tools require a significant degree of maturity if engaged with. people can - and have - gone too far with them due to a lack of wisdom in their proper use and the vital importance of set & setting. used responsibly, they can be an INCREDIBLY powerful therapeutic tool. however, a person really truly needs to be ready to take responsibility for their life and own up to taking the action required once its revealed what transformations and character development they must undergo, as can be revealed through a psychedelic experience.
that may be quite the drawn-out answer to your last question, getting into more detail than you bargained for - yet it's a critical distinction to make. and having chosen to make this story public - which I have received feedback on that doing such may not have been a wise move to discuss such matters publicly - I do feel a certain responsibility to clarify and pass on such wisdom, as if people read this and are considering doing ayahuasca, it would be irresponsible of me to not clear up any misunderstandings that could result in people getting the wrong impression of the reverence, wisdom, and maturity one best step into the world with, should they choose such a path for themselves...
"SO closed to the idea of kids that I was completely shut to the possibility of finding any inspiration in that. Straight up - I had been pretty selfish, and I suppose had placed higher value on fantasies of grandoise success & adventures more than love."
I had that program playing in my mind too, until the age of 39, the last gasp of fertility reared its ugly head.
But having a child has actually created a more refined version of myself. I never understood the interconnectedness of life and suffering, now I see that interconnectivity is the invisible power between all beings. (woo woo stuff)........being interconnected is the way of health....I'm still learning these lessons actually.
My subconcious desire to breed took over and I found myself indiscriminately embracing love. Love for everyone. It was odd. I realized that in order for me to continue on and experience another dimension of life, I would need to give up control. I gave it up instantly. Too fast. I got pregnant instantly. Mind you, I wasn't conscious of my desire to have a child. It was not a well-thought out plan. It emerged from my lizard brain, the part that wants to live forever through offspring. I fought this urge my whole adult life, and would stay unattached to men, for I didn't want to settle. Settling down was equated with death. The kind you mention. But I realize my thinking was from a bad program. Or, I wasn't yet fully developed inside. I had to go through 7 years of solitude to find out who I was.......my insecurities have gone away with the self-knowledge.
There's one area yet, that I do not know.....and I see it possibly manifesting after financial independence is accomplished. The hierarchy of needs by Maslow is pretty correct in my situation.
Fear has receded, self-confidence has re-emerged, and I see that soon after some financial stability and creative output is reached, I am moving towards the next step. I never knew how these stages worked until recently....
Not sure if I ever saw this comment, or just didn’t reply... reading again now, as though it were the first time - and grateful for it. 💓
Been wanting to do this medicine myself, have an inner calling, I think it is exactly what I need. Thanks for more insight one or two thimgs i never knew about it. especially that you could do it on Vancouver Island. I am In Canada myself.
your welcome, Keith.
if she's been calling, it may only be a matter of time until the opportunity presents itself. there's quite a few medicine circles hidden around here & there, so might not be so far from you...
it's a VERY intensive experience, not to be taken lightly. make sure to put alot of prep into your intentions, and take the 1-2 weeks of preparatory measures seriously (specific diet, abstinence from alcohol, drugs, sex).
also make sure to meet whoever is leading the ceremony and make sure you are comfortable with them. ayahuasca has become something of a fad these past years and alot of people are hosting without really knowing what they're doing or holding proper respect for the medicine.
(which reminds me of a satire video on it, which I actually felt kinda strongly about due to the mockery and lack of respect of the medicine and culture behind it within the video - however, it does present some funny views and points worth considering:)
VERY borderline. don't take too seriously.
partaking in ceremony with a someone well-initiated into the culture with years of experience is undoubtedly a game-changer, though... :-)
Where you begin and end with your language says a lot. I appreciate your judicious use of words here.
The note you added above is also much appreciated, and worth repeating:
I don't think I can watch that video right now, maybe I'll be in the mood to have a laugh~cry later though.
Your whole story was beautifully written, and was an inspiration to read.
I'm glad you shared it here.
My ex was real big on ayahuasca. In fact, that's what we talked about in the first few minutes of our first conversation, and we could tell that we were definitely going to be huge influences in each other's lives. It was true, but we could not stay together because I had to move. However, I was able to have a few ayahuasca experiences with a few bros later on and they were the most incredible experiences of my life.
❤❤❤❤❤
I loved this, I was pondering about fear and love all day today, and then I read it here, and it got me thinking while I continued reading, until that great moment when you made the jump and ask her to marry you she said yes!
Great stuff! Good luck with everything!
lol... love how it showed up for you at the precise timing of your ponderance of fear & love... :-)
Haha In fact, in my latest post today, I added a closing thoughts part where I voiced my thoughts :) Strange synchronicity!
really great closing thoughts on that post.
(and when it comes to the realm of ayahuasca... its kinda all syncronicity. lol ;-) )
Thank you! Someday I wanna try ayahuasca, I'm really curious!
good story!
I think you should like this article https://steemit.com/art/@kayros/man-receives-sacred-woodworking-instructions-during-ayahuasca-trip