A Letter to My Daughter

I watched the sitcom series Friends a few years ago and I remember there was m episode where Rachel (or Ross) made a video compilation of messages for their daughter to be shown to her on her 18th birthday.

Today is my daughter's 3rd birthday. And no, I'm not making any videos for her. Yet. Not for this year, I guess. But instead I am writing her a message that hopefully she finds when she's old enough to grasp the weirdness of her mom. I'm no good at dramatic messages but I do hope I be able to put these strong feelings I have for her from deep within the bottom of my heart.

Dear Daughter,

It was around this time three years ago when I first felt the reality of meeting you face to face. And between the pain and the contractions, the agony I felt and the amusement from your father's clumsiness (I can tell he was nervous), I was excited. I've been waiting and praying and hoping and wishing for you for my entire adult life.

The moment I saw those two lines, I made a pact. I made a promise to be the best parent you deserve. And from then on, I made sure that everything I do was all for you. I have had to make seriously challenging decisions, I had to face my fears, I had to go through a lot of emotional struggles but right now, I can say it was all worth it.

Your smiles, your kisses, your hugs, just your voice alone is enough to reassure me that I am on the right track. When you hold my hand, when you wrap your arms around me while you sleep peacefully, I am in eternal bliss. And I keep asking what good I may have done in the past to deserve a little angel like you. Yes, my dear. No matter how devilishly difficult you may seem sometimes, you are still my angel.

I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that you will grow into a responsible, sensible, nature-loving, humane, compassionate, loving, strong, brave, and independent adult. I know that's a bit too challenging, but I'm a mom. I'm your mom. I want what I think is best for you.

I can't promise you though that I will always be there for you. There may be instances that I may misunderstand you or that you might not get into the groove I want you to. We will surely argue. We might fight. You might hate me. But I hope that we do. I hope that you feel comfortable with me enough to express how you feel. I hope you do not tire of listening to me because I will not get tired of hearing you out.

Because no matter what happens, I will love you with all of my heart. I don't think I have a choice there. I'm your mom. Since that pregnancy test result came our positive, I have been completely programmed to love you forevermore.

And now that it’s your birthday, I can't find the right words to describe how amazed I am at what you have become. From a tiny little heartbeat I saw from the monitor at the doctor's office, here you are now, holding my hand while sleeping. (And I am here, typing my letter to you on my mobile phone, with one hand.)

And since it’s your birthday, wishes are in order. But even if it’s your birthday, my wish is somewhat a bit selfish. I wish that I live long enough so I can see you grow into a wonderful woman. I wish that we share more times together.

Sometimes it feels that the day never ends. But I can see how fast you're growing. I know that aomeday, I'll miss your tiny little hands wrapping around my arm at night. I hope that even when you've grown, you'll still feel the same comfort you feel when I am holding you close to me. Because no matter how big you've grown, you are always and will always be my little girl. And I love you so much with all of my heart.

Happy birthday my darling.

Love,

Nanay