Let Me Share A Few Things With You My Friends.

1.Last gubernatorial elections, I was part of a media team for a governorship aspirant in my state. When meetings were fixed for certain times, many women in the party/team couldn’t make it because they had to be home to cook and take care of domestic chores for their families.

I used to be so inundated with many texts and excuses for their inability to be part of the meetings. At some point, I was used to just seeing the men and it made me realize that these ‘domestic’ concerns were real barriers and hindrances to their full participation and contributions. We might think that this is a mundane conversation, but it is not. Many women have had to choose keeping the home front catered for in exchange of their personal growth and professional progress.

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2.Last year, while talking to a friend & senior colleague of mine who owns and runs his law firm, I jokingly told him that I had never seen a female lawyer employed by him. He laughed and then told me, “I have women working for me o but employing a woman is me employing her entire family. Women have too many loads and too many excuses. Look at you now, you are married, imagine asking you to work overtime or travel, your husband’s consent will be needed first, and you will always have things to do at home. I want a 100% dedication”.

I did not react immediately he said the above to me, paraphrased, but it made me realize that so many women will never fully explore and get opportunities to advance their personal and professional growth as long as the bulk and duty of domestic chores in the home was their sole responsibility.

COOKING IS A BIG DEAL. Anyone who downplays this is a liar and a very dishonest person and I don’t need such dishonesty around me.

Should I remind you that the president of Nigeria once dismissed his wife’s political contributions on an international stage by stating that “she belongs to the kitchen and the other room” (You can even check my timeline to see my post on this) what does this tell you? That across all economic classes, cadres and ideological divides, the worth and value of women especially in Nigeria will always be measured on the altar of her ‘ability or inability to cook’.

This conversation about who cooks is very important when you consider the systemic and invasive ways these things limit and hinder many women from the full exploration of their dreams, potentials, contributions and personal growth. Domestic labour is labour. And I will never be among those who consider the entitlement to female labour something to overlook.

Many women’s aspirations die/lessen immediately they marry and start having children, not because these things hinder them, but because they have to make many domestic compromises and sacrifices, especially when they pair with men who make no domestic contributions in their homes. What exactly is fair about this?

It will never not amuse me how society has been able to scam us for centuries to believe that women are biologically molded for domestic chores. Imagine thinking that the knowledge of cooking and cleaning comes pre-installed in our vaginas. Or the fact that two adults exist in a space together and only one should bear the load of chores just because of their genitals.

Again, cooking is a big deal.
I am working with a diverse group of persons, and I notice the way the women around me have to consider their availability for different tasks in consideration of family life and duties. And let me tell you that the first task I had to undertake was a negotiation of a shorter working time so that my female colleagues could have some time to attend to their domestic assignments (such as market and food runs) so as to avoid tension in their houses which will spill over to their work in the office. This is our daily reality, so please don’t tell me that the subject of cooking is a silly one.

I could go on and on and say so many things, but the truth remains that as long as the society feels entitled to free labour from women, without demanding an equal and complementary participation from the men; many of us will suffer, abandon our dreams, shorten our goals and live all our days negotiating domestic demands over our personal aspirations.