COLONIZED BY ELON: A TIMOTHY OSMAN ROMANCE (part 4 of 9) by Derp

The bouncer gave a knowing gesture to Timmeh… to which Timmeh replied “what the hell, sometimes you gotta treat yourself bruh” and Timmeh serviced the bouncer with new found vigor for a hit of space crank.

After checking baby Elan in at the cloak room, Timmeh hit the dancefloor with no inhibitions and reckless disregard for his body, all eyes were on him and his ankles as he bumped, grinded and flirted his way through the club and its wide variety of patrons.

The DJ played all Timmehs favorite songs

After hours of debaucherous dancing, covered in other people's sweat he retired to the lounge for a brief rest. Seeing a familiar face in one of the clubs professional dancers, Timmeh made his way towards him.

“Hey bruh, Nice Hotdog costume, you were moving like stellar parallax in there.. Whats your name?” “Hoggman” said the stranger. Timmeh paused in disbelief, recognising his new friend from his earth days. “My god, i know you! You had that smash hit back on earth, ‘imma hotdog’! Bruh you were famous, how did you go from that to dancing at mars’s dirtiest sex clubs for tatercoin, bruh?”

Hoggman paused, visibly pained by recollections of his past he softly answered, “I wasn’t always a hotdog… i was the worlds best crisis actor before that.. I had money, fame and a burning desire to farm potatoes on mars like everyone else… All was well until i learnt my man mother, Anderson Cooper, burnt to death on his voyage to the sun.. I started space cranking more and more and found myself slipping from being first in line at the harvesters feeding sluice, to the back.. To just missing out altogether.. “

Timmehs ecstatic high crashed hard listening to Hoggdogs story. “Weird.. later bruh” Timmeh said then he approached the bar and asked the barkeep for a refreshing white wine spritzer to bring himself back up. “Sorry bitch, that guy over there just bought the last one” (On Mars bitch was slang for a common potato harvester) as he gestured to figure hidden in a dark corner.

‘Just my luck’ thought Timmeh and took it as a sign to call it a night. Picking up baby Elan from the cloak room and heading home Timmehs mind raced with emotion. Hoggdogs story had done something to him and his lack of luck securing a white wine spritzer made him want to rage meme his friends… it would be a bad comedown. …

(TO BE CONTINUED on part 5)