Flying the Coop-Kids Grow UP!

I have an interesting story in terms of motherhood. I had my first child, unexpectedly, as a young teenager. I gave her up for adoption and I sure wish I could take it back. But that is a story for another day.

A few years later, when I was 20, I had my second child, a beautiful little redheaded girl. She is my heart. So proud of her, I can hardly believe how amazing she is.

I was a single parent for the first 9 years, then I met Charles, who I am still married to today.

Charles also has 2 daughters, making a total of 4 beautiful girls. His oldest had already grown up and was married when we moved in and his youngest was 16. I have become close to them and their kids. It wasn't really a traditional sibling dynamic though. It was more like they were in the same house, but more like neighbors. It wasn't bad. It just wasn't the perfect little family one might envision.
So even though my youngest daughter has 1 biological sister and 2 step-sisters, she's really more like an only child. And even though I have a total of 4 grown daughters, it has taken me a long time to learn how to answer the question: How many children do you have-without telling my entire life story! Ah, well...no one's life can be tied up neatly in a little bow, right?
And she remedied that. She grew up and married a man with 3 brothers and she took on the role of the little sister!
Okay, I am drifting a bit...
So my little girl was the most important part of my life and to this day, I make no apologies for that. She still is. I remember I used to talk to her about when she grew up. I would say, when you are 18, you can decide about that, but right now, I am the adult. Oops! Why did I say 18? What was I thinking?
As it turns out, 18 comes a lot faster than you might expect. When my daughter left the nest at age 18, I was so sad. I cannot tell you how much I cried. And sure, part of it was that she was young and making decisions I was worried about. But a lot of it was just that she was SO important to me and such a part of my daily life. I just plain old missed her. But it was time.
It was her time to try out her wings and she needed to fall a few times in order to learn how to fly. I knew this. Still didn't stop me from crying. I now understood the whole empty nest concept.
So, here's what I did. I reached out to friends. I went out to dinner a little more often. When I went shopping, I bought stuff for myself. (strange) I went on trips and visited family. And I cried on my poor husband. He was awesome. He listened. He told me it would get better. It did.
Now, it is perfectly routine for me that my daughter is a grown woman, an adult about to have her own baby. I do feel myself getting a little clingier because of the coming baby I think. But that's okay, because just when I start to begin thinking of her as a child I need to protect, I see her anew. I see her making grown up choices, standing up for herself in kind but firm ways and doing things I could not have ever imagined. She learned part of that from me, but part of that comes from deep inside her and she was able to discover it because I got out of the way when she needed to take off and fly on her own.
That's the thing about parenthood, about life really, your kids grow up and you grow with them.
So you folks who are watching your babies become adults, hang in there...it gets better! And if you think about it, when you talk about them growing up, say "when you are 30" not "when you are 18"!