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The heart has its reasons, and sometimes it races. At home, too. Shaking the ramparts, the principles, the basic morality ... Three men tell their scandalous impulse and their impossible love.

Impossible love, it does not happen to others, in Greek tragedy or in cinema. The men we met had hitherto known quiet love, one in which one plunges without asking a thousand questions. And we can live in front of others, like everyone else. But one day, a look, a gesture, an odor turned their lives upside down. They fell in love, or just crazy with desire, from the wrong person at the wrong time. That which everything - morality, loyalty, the politeness of love ... - forbade them.

Some have crossed the red line, at the risk of ruining their marriage and even of beautiful friendships; others have resisted and still live with an obsessive fantasy that prevents them from loving serenely the one they married.

How do they all struggle with their secrets? Their guilt? Their repressed impulses? Three men confided to us, in all anonymity, the most "twisted" love story of their lives.

Impossible love: "I deceived her with her best friend"

Testimony of Ludovic, 35 years old

"Elsa is beautiful, gentle, loving, trustworthy, faithful, she's eight years older than me, it gives her a maternal side that reassures me ... When I met her, I cracked At the first glance, she introduced me to her best friend , Claire, and they work in the same pub, go on vacation together, and Claire has always been part of our decor. Elsa, she was her witness.

For years, if I had a secret desire for Claire, I had repressed it because I knew it was impossible love. I said to myself: "I like his hands," or "His presence is pleasant." And then Elsa got pregnant. We were at the height of happiness. But after a few weeks, pregnancy proved difficult: anxiety, dizziness, hemorrhage. We stopped making love, I was unable to touch it. She was due to give birth in October 2005.

Women have incomprehensible reports

In August, we decided to spend our holidays in his mother's apartment in the Var. I had to leave first, to get off the car and prepare the apartment. As always, Claire was on the trip, and Elsa had suggested she go with me, it would make me a company ... We left on a Friday. Claire was adorable and considerate. Long-time friends, we could both confide and accept silence. We arrived around midnight. It was hot, we did not even plug in the electricity, we packed our bags and opened the large bay that opens onto the balcony. We were side by side, nature was rustling, the sea sparkled beneath the stars, everything was calm and voluptuous. We looked at each other and our faces came closer together. It was stronger than a desire.

I love my wife, and I deceived her with her best friend. But is not the greatest treachery from Claire? Women have incomprehensible relationships. We never made love again. When Elsa arrived, my treason hurt everywhere, and I suddenly became very afraid of losing her. We had no ambiguous play with Claire. All I wanted was to spare Elsa the slightest doubt. I felt wrong, and I thought that through the slightest glance at Claire, Elsa would understand. Years later, it still happens that this vision of Claire on the balustrade fills me, but it has nothing to do with love. I no longer consider Claire as a friend. She's strange to me. When she found the man of her life, she asked me - not me, Elsa - to be her witness. I refused on the pretext of traveling abroad. Woman is a mystery. "

Impossible love: "I'm madly in love with my wife's sister"

Testimony of Ryan, 32

"I knew my wife, Leila, when she was 20. At the time, her sister Telma was 12. During the first years, I saw Telma as a child, what she was. her tight-fitting t-shirt, her small firm breasts that pointed through the fabric, her buttocks, her camber ... The desire that invaded me then was dazzling, not to not to be ashamed, I buried it under a screed of lead.

In shock, I went to take a cold shower

During the years that followed, I saw her grow up and become a bomb. At the same time, Leila gave birth to our two sons. She's a real, a good mother, a woman I love very deeply. But whenever I look at Telma, fire gnaws at me. The worst part is that there are plenty of hot situations. Indeed, Leila, who is a nurse, often has to do night guards. When I come home too late to take care of the children, it is Telma who takes care of them. And we often found ourselves nightly alone. Once, when she was 18, when I was slumped on the couch, in front of the TV, she came to lie innocently using my belly as a pillow, she folded her legs to put her feet on the " armrest; at the blow, her skirt fell on her tapered legs, discovering the limit of her black panties. The sexiest vision of my life. Impossible she did not feel, against her cheek, mount my erection. She continued to watch the film as if nothing had happened.

After a while, she said she was going down to smoke a cigarette. In shock, I went to take a cold shower. When I came out, she had left a note on the sofa: "Finally it's better that I go home."

I had my heart broken and the sex on fire

I'm not a sexual obsession, but I must admit that Telma ended up haunting me. I kept thinking about her, it was physically painful that impossible love. Recently she gave me the knockout blow: we were both tight in the tiny elevator that leads to my house and she said, "I'm going to get married." I had a broken heart and a burning sex. On the day of the wedding, during the evening, we met by chance in a room in the house of his parents-in-law, where the party was held. She closed the door and kissed me violently on the mouth before going to find her husband. Today I am always with my wife, but her sister obsesses me. I have never done anything, but my thoughts are much worse.

Impossible love: "I've cracked for a buddy's wife"

Testimony of Thomas, 38 years old

Every summer, for years, my wife and I go on vacation in the same house, in La Baule, with three other couples. A group of friends, with children of the same age ... It is always successful. Last summer, I ruined everything.

One evening we dined on the terrace, making the world, as usual, tinged with rosé. Louise, my wife, was busy on the barbecue ... I quickly felt that there was water in the gas between Jeanne and Patrice, a couple of antique friends. Several times, Jeanne looked at me desperately, at least that's how I perceived them. Suddenly, I looked at Jeanne, that beautiful, mature woman, as if I were discovering her. Her black hair, her bronzed skin, her luscious lips, her generous breasts: everything attracted me. The evening progressed, little by little everyone disappeared.

And what was to happen happened ...

If I want to be honest, I must confess that I was eager to find myself alone with Jeanne. There was nothing suspicious about that, because it happened every day. But that night was different. It was very nice, we decided to take a walk on the beach. And what was to happen happened: we threw ourselves on each other and we made love between two boats. It was good.

The next morning, at breakfast, it was as if nothing had happened. I do not know if our friends suspected anything, but the following week was strange. The situation was exciting, I looked at Jeanne incessantly, stealthily. But she was acting as if nothing had happened, she seemed reconciled to Patrice, as if our adventure had not existed. It made me crazy.

Despite this mess, I did not really feel guilty

Finally, one evening, unable to stand, I managed to find myself alone again with her, I tried to kiss her, but she pushed me away. It was ridiculous, and I knew it. On the other hand, what I did not know was that my attitude of the previous days had aroused the suspicions of Patrice, who, in fact, was not sleeping. He was stashed in the darkness of the house. And had heard everything. I often see the final scene in a dream, as from a series B: Patrice popped up and propelled his fist towards me, I collapse on the table still loaded with the rest of the dinner, blood spurting from my nose, Jeanne pushes a shriek, the lights light up, and the stupefied faces of our other friends, the sleeping eyes of children, appear as Louise struck by lightning. Suddenly, years of friendship and love broke.

The next morning, we cut our holiday off and everyone went home. The tape has shattered. Louise got the divorce. It's strange, because despite this mess, I did not really feel guilty. What remains of all this is the sweet taste of Jeanne's skin and this impossible love. I have often read that men are dominated by their impulses and that, in order to satisfy an immediate desire, they are capable of destroying their lives. I am, among others, a living example.

Impossible love: what the psychologist says

What is forbidden in love?

Sophie Cadalen *:

There is no real prohibition except the almost universal one of incest. But he always drags one into the family, around the one that one can not have: the sister of his wife, his best friend ... We are a little incestuous unconscious, we flirt with a forbidden, in fact decreed only by our imagination. And the untouchable becomes even more desirable.

Would the interdict nourish desire?

Yes. While it is intended to border our desire, the interdict often has the opposite effect. For desire is always transgressive. The more laws we raise, the more we are attracted. As long as one swears that "one will never look at his wife's sister," she remains exciting. It is not so much that one wants that woman, but rather to go beyond, to dare this transgression.

Why is there a shift to action?

What will blow up the dam is the force of repression. The more we bridled, the more we risk cracking. In many families, that "dragouille" between brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law, there is fantastic desire, and we play with. The door is not closed definitively. To close it is to give tragic importance, to make it something powerful and powerful. We have every interest in going as close as possible to our fantasies: to realize if they really hold us to the heart and the belly. It is often the idea that excites us, more than the passage to the act. Can love born of an interdict be happy? Yes, if we focus on what pushes us into each other's arms. Those who manage to free themselves from the gaze of others and go to the end of their choice, often, over time, convince their entourage.

Is the concept of prohibition the same for men as it is for women?

Yes. The difference is in the social codes. For a long time the interdict was especially on the side of women. Today, they are increasingly allowed to be lovers, sexualized. And we see that the more they assert this authority and authorize things, the more men forbid themselves.

(*) Psychoanalyst, author of "Double life" (edited by Pocket).